DH hates the sunshine, feel sad about family days out etc

[LittleHoliday]

DH has always hated the sunshine and warm weather, he grumbles and moans like anything the second the sun comes out. We both happened to be off work today, so I suggested taking our 4 and 6 year olds out somewhere nice. He basically said not to be so ridiculous as everywhere will be heaving! The kids have spent the day in the garden, whilst I've been doing some gardening and he's been inside reading! He then said he wanted to spend some time with them as he's off... So he's taken them to the cinema and told me to put my feet up in the garden.

Part of me thinks that at least everyone is happy with what they're doing, but it does make me sad that he never wants to go to parks or make the most of being outside. He's a good husband in all respects, and the second it starts snowing he's bundling the kids up to build snowmen and have a snowball fight! It's not that he's lazy. I just find his hatred of the sun so irritating!

But there is absolutely no suggestion that it is constant worry and avoidance of crowds. OP hasn’t said he won’t go to a busy supermarket.

I hate the sun. Sunburn, headaches, and general lethargy start the minute it appears.

your husband has an active outdoor life in good weather and finds ways to keep the children occupied when it is miserable. You should be happy.

No it really doesn’t.

We love our nearby Heath but avoid it in the sun as it’s heaving. My friend in Hove avoids the beach on days like this. No OCD but common sense!

OP is there some compromise that can be reached? What’s he like on holidays if you go? Sorry if I have missed that.

This would genuinely be a deal breaker for me (if I knew before marriage!) - I love the sun and only really like going on warm holidays, love swimming, sitting out late having dinner. All of it.

DH loves the heat but isn’t a fan of the beach. When the DC were younger he was absolutely expected to suck it up because the kids loved it.

It would really piss me off the more I think about it. Unreasonable as that may be.

My idea of hell is a day on the beach in full sun, so I can understand your DH. I seem to get mild sunstroke after about 20 mins of midday sun (I actually did get sunstroke for real once and it was horrendous.) I blame my Irish-ness. I long for jumper weather. I did used to push through it for my DDs sake though…covered in long dresses and hats!

Summer evenings though - perfect. 🤩

I really struggle with the brightness and the radiant heat of sunshine, I have found it much easier since I started using big sunglasses and sunhats religiously, and wearing clothing which acts as a sort of shade. I don't know why I never used them before! I think I assumed that hats would make my head too hot, but it is much more manageable if I can prevent myself getting overheated in the first place. I also don't care these days if I look like a twat. I probably used to care too much about that when I was younger.

How did you manage as a couple before this? Is it a recent thing?

DH used to hate beaches but had to get over it with two small children who loved them.

As long as he has shade he's fine.

Yes.

In the OP’s shoes, I’d suggest thinking in advance together about places that aren’t likely to be heaving, even on the hottest, sunniest day. There’s a beach near where we live which is never crowded because it’s enormous and not safe for swimming, so people who want to take their children body boarding and paddling go somewhere safer with lifeguards. I mean, you can always find somewhere that’s not thronged.

I’d also ask does he have a weight problem, it does impact more if yoh do and can make the person very uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could go out earlier in the day before it gets too hot. Places will be quieter then. Take a picnic breakfast have a fantastic time and be home by lunchtime when the heat and crowds start to build.

There are lots of days when it's nice enough for a beach/park day but not so sunny that millions of people go out.0

I hate having places on hot days. I would compromise by getting somewhere when it opens and leaving early. DH doesn't love the beach but does suck it up for DC.
They've been in the garden and they are now doing a nice activity so they are hardly missing out. Enjoy the sunbathing!

My husband has been fairly similar over the years. We live at the seaside and sunny days are a big no no for our local beach as it's heaving. So on lovely sunny days when we're free I'll just go to the beach with whoever else wants to come with. Usually just me and the youngest but that way everyone's happy. Happened on bank holiday Monday, I was itching to get out and about as it was a lovely day. I took the youngest and the dog to a National Trust type place for a big long walk and an explore then we stopped for a pub meal where they have an outdoor playground. My husband and older son went for food elsewhere and the gym. Yawn. I gave up fighting it.

Agree.

Are you my wife?

You didn't tell me you were on Mumsnet!

Seriously, so long as everyone is happy with what they're doing who cares?

My DH is the same as yours, and his colouring isn't ideal for sunshine either, he will burn very easily. Whereas I really hate being cold.

So I did most of the too-sunny days out, he did most of the snow-based activities, and we did lots of shared days out on the 45 other weekends in the year when it wasn't too sunny for him or too cold for me

I’d leave him at home and take DC’s out. Then he can do his plans with them while you get a break.

It's his day off, he's spent some time doing an individual activity he enjoys (reading) and also some time with the children doing something they all enjoy (cinema). You and the kids have been enjoying the weather in the garden. I'm really not seeing the issue.

I love the sunshine, but I do agree with him in the sense that everyone goes daft and everywhere ends up packed, and it spoils it for me.

But I do like quiet environments. Hustle and bustle drives me mad, everyone in everyone's way, I hate it.

Some of us have a 'Celtic genes' problem. If you have a ginger gene you are made to make vitamin D, not sunbathe.

WTAF?

Did you mean to be so rude?

Not sure why you're complaining. You said he loves doing stuff with the kids on non-sunny days so that's about 10 months of the year in the UK!

He's taken them out and told you to put your feet up. YABVU.

I do think you need to force some sunshine trips to non-heaving places so he unlearns tho fear (possibly from childhood hot days out!) that all outdoor places will be heaving, and that busy places in the sunshine is automatically awful. This is not the case.

Our local park wasn’t busier than it’s been on dry but cloudy/cold days.

suggest stuff like walk to visit some woods, or visiting a National Trust place, not the beach or theme park.

Is he ok with crowds when it’s not hot? Would he do a theme park or zoo in school holidays or is that in the “heaving = evil” category?

Some people hate going out in the cold too. Everyone’s different.
The fact that he’s taken the to the cinema which they’ll enjoy and you can relax in the garden means everyone’s a winner, no?

I hate sunshine but still go out and about with the kids. He needs to get a grip.