DIL said I’m a pathetic excuse of a mother

[LonelyMIL]

DIL called me a pathetic excuse of a mother and said I should be ashamed of myself.

Son wont talk to me in months now

AIBU thinking there’s no reason ever to be this horrible to your mother in law who is just trying to have a relationship

I find Millennials a bit scary.

We only bite on Thursdays, so you’re safe today.

Only if you’re inventing things.

Don’t tell the secrets.

OP’s main complaints are that the DIL treats her mum better /is closer to her than OP’s son is to her. There’s nothing normal about that.

Nah, OP starts threads repeatedly in the hope that people will pile on and blame the DIL… for making a speech about her mum at the wedding, for buying her a nice present than OP’s son did for Mother’s Day. Every single time. When it doesn’t work , she retreats (after playing poor innocent victim “oh, ok then .. I won’t say anything…) and repeat. The intent absolutely is to blame DIL.

Ah yes too much tiktok, the most obvious issue in this scenario 😂
Have you read OPs other threads where she wanted to kick off over wedding speeches and that Dil treated her own mother too nicely on mother's day?
All these threads are written from OPs point of view and yet I still agree with her son and dil, eh doesn't seem to have any boundaries and seems incredibly demanding of their time. She seems to blame the Dil for everything and it seems incredibly obvious that she is jealous of Dil and her relationship with her own mother and also jealous that her son left her home to move in with Dil.

She rings a bell.. can you link to other threads?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5332739-would-this-upset-you-mother-of-groom?page=1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5289162-should-both-sets-of-parents-be-treated-the-same-on-mothers-day?page=1

Hah yes me too now! Poor DIL

I wouldn’t jump the gun at the OP just yet, my ex MIL was told the same by her son’s new wife, who incidentally is soooo posesive she has separated him from anyone, friend or family, who met him before her time.

He was my MIL’s golden child, by far, and he worshipped the ground she walked on…

You might want to read the OP's other threads. It's definitely a her problem.

From reading through all your replies, I’m wondering if they feel you are being passive aggressive and guilt tripping them all the time? Do you keep calling to see them, making comments about not seeing them enough etc? They don’t owe you anything. I had similar passive aggressive comments from my mum and all it did was stress me out, she couldn’t help with the kids and if she visited it was another person to look after. It sounds like he was your carer for years as a teen and you felt he owed you that when you housed and fed him? Maybe I’ve got the wrong and of the stick here. It doesn’t sound a nice situation - if I were you I’d take a step back, stop calling and try to build more of your own life. If they want to see you then they will.

sometimes kids blame parents who aren't the person that caused it. Anyone who said such a nasty thing I think is the problem. One of my kids was groomed at school, that they didn't spot though I had raised it multiple times that something was happening but they preferred to blame me that child is now really nasty to a younger sibling who has done nothing. sometimes people are just nasty. It also didn't stop them living no doubt on the cheap with the mother for years.

He lived with her as her carer not so he could “live on the cheap”.

OP I haven't read the other threads referred to here, but on balance, given what you're saying and what others are, it seems likely that you are difficult to interact with.

I might be too, if I were disabled, alone and altogether miserable. I think you need to leave your kids to it, appreciate the one who does maintain conract, and try to find other things to occupy you. Maybe if you stop obsessing, there can be a new start down the road. I'm sorry your life is so hard.

I am not sure that is the case though the poster apparently has history, so I am not sure what the position is, however it is still cruel to make those comments and ban her from seeing the child when its born. Why tell her about the pregnancy in the first place, you would only do that to be hurtful. I am disabled to some extent and my son helps me out on a weekly basis, but does not live with me, from the tone of the thread many would consider that an imposition.

Op, maybe you would enjoy being a foster Granny to a child in your neighbourhood who needs a Granny.

You could visit them once a fortnight and play board games, cards and read stories. Go and see their assemby and concert at school, send them a birthday card etc.

Also join a local craft group and search for church social groups in halls close to you.

With your own grandchildren, you only have the choice to follow their parents' lead, unfortunately.

Once DG reach three you could write to them and send them photos of dogs you meet when out on walks and pictures of all the native birds and flowers.

Keep sending normal communication - like Christmas and birthday greetings but butt out of all else.

If years pass and your children still are treating you like a stranger, be sure to donate all you own to charity.

(Having already boxed up any possessions your children own and sent them over.)

You sound like my mum from what I've read of your responses OP. You've clearly affected your son somehow during his childhood and won't accept accountability.It also speaks volumes that there's a second child of yours that also wants nothing to do with you either. Two now adult kids cutting off their mum doesn't really show you favourably unfortunately. My mother is the same. She was an awful mother for all of the less than 10 years of her life she bothered to be a present parent. Even then she wasn't a good one. She was vile and abusive both physically and mentally to the point I told a solicitor at age 10 that I was happy she left as we wouldn't be beaten any more. I'm not saying you battered your son, but my mum when confronted with our childhood basically said she didn't recall any of what was questioned and stated she won't apologise for what she "can't remember". She says it's been too long yet she can describe every abusive thing her own parents did to her years before her kids were even thought of. I cut contact with her when she tried to muscle in on my own kids trying to manipulate them as she knew she had no control over me as an adult when I gave her a chance to be in our lives at all.

God no. Please OP, do not even think about following this advice. Well join a craft group - that would be okay. Nothing else.

As a daughter in law with the worst mother in law known to man kind, I can assure you that you must’ve done something for that kind of reaction.
I’ve put up with so much from my mil over the last 13 years. Only a few days ago she caused serious issues at her own nieces wedding. Everyone in the family and friend circle know she’s a knobhead.
I keep my peace with her for the sake of my husband. Husband keeps his peace with her for the sake of being the eldest child and his loyalty and responsibility towards them. He has said upfront that he won’t even shed a tear for her when she dropped dead. Shes the biggest drama queen ever.

That is the case. Her son lived with his Dad who raised him until he was 16 when OP moved him to her home to be her carer. He didn’t live with her on the cheap. He sacrificed years of his life to care for her and now he’s married she’s taking it out on her daughter in law.

She was warned multiple times on her other threads her behaviour was completely unreasonable and she carried on.

The OP clearly isn't coming back. Maybe this thread could die now

I'm sorry. This sounds really hard. Sending you a hug. Sometimes it really is not the mother in law/older mother's fault. It does not sound like you've done anything to deserve this level of punishment.

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. I don't know what to advise. I am sorry.

again why wave a picture of the unborn baby at her, there was no need to tell her or indeed communicate it It was just cruel and no ones on here knows the true situation, only what has been written and why should a poster be told. She is asking for advice not censure is she not?