AIBU to be astounded at people’s shamelessness?

[Dontbeconspicuous]

On a train home from work. Girl came and sat next to me (looked around 18-22) started scrolling TikTok at mid-volume. I politely asked “excuse me do you have any headphones?” She said she didn’t so I asked if she would turn the volume down so we didn’t all have to listen.

That lasted around 30 seconds before she started again. After another 5-10 minutes I asked again, “excuse me could you turn the volume down so we don’t all have to hear it”, she just looked at me blankly, made a quick phone call then carried on scrolling at an even louder volume. Loads of other people in the carriage but no one said anything. I didn’t bother again as it was now clear what the outcome would be.

How have we got to the point where someone can have their antisocial behaviour pointed out to them twice, but just carry on regardless? When did people become so brazen?

PS I don’t want to hear “just bring your own headphones” because that doesn’t address the complete lack of respect for other people.

Well, YABU to be 'astounded' by it - alas, it's commonplace. YANBU to lament it.

Because people these days are self entitled, selfish twats.

I don’t think that’s shameless. Its not shameful behaviour, its inconsiderate.

she was probably pissed or high.

Yes, it's the new normal. Just another aspect of modern life that's become 'acceptable'. I occasionally challenge people and they always look astonished! It doesn't bode well for the future.

Don’t you think it’s shameless behaviour to know you’re being inconsiderate, being asked to stop, but carrying on anyway?

Definitely didn’t seem under the influence of anything.

Yes this, I was on a bus today a young woman was chatting on loud speaker and her friend was singing 😂 I honestly think the self awareness gene hasn't kicked in for some!

I am on the bus every week with grown adults doing the same. It’s awful, I have been threatened in the past when I asked people to stop. I am too scared now to say anything. It’s so depressing that society is like this now.

I think shame is a strange description to attach to the behaviour, yes.

seems like there is an epidemic of people wanting women, especially young women, to feel shame.

I often wonder if it’s my age that leads me to be shocked by some of the awful behaviour of some people these days.

I’m 47 and I remember putting my feet on the seat opposite me when I was on a bus. I must have been about 18. An ‘old’ woman (probably only about 50!) told me off. I was mortified and rightly so. I got off the bus at the next stop. I never did it again. Nowadays, a lot of kids would have told her to fuck off.

I don’t know if it’s an age thing. I remember older people many years ago saying ‘the youth of today has no respect’.

It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me that feels like this!

Sadly it’s not just the young, adults are just as bad. I was on a flight last week and the middle-aged woman had a film on loudspeaker for the whole journey. That she was also non-stop talking to /at her husband the whole time made it even worse. Man on the aisle opposite going the same thing, asked him to put in his earphones but he said he didn’t have any and kept going.

This 100%

You are not being unreasonable at all. I experience this on pretty much every commute into and back from the office. Mostly people having really loud conversations with their phone on speaker so we all have to hear, or really long, loud conversations right in your face. I don't want to hear anyone's conversations. If someone calls me whilst I'm on a bus or train, I say, can I call you back? Am on a train! I have no desire to have a conversation with a load of people listening in but some people seem to get off on it. Unfortunately a large proportion of people nowadays are completely selfish and entitled.

The only thing you can do is play Beethoven very loudly on your own phone.

I would think the behaviour was shameless if it came from a man (of any age) too!

Because they don’t give a shit. Society doesn’t really exist anymore. It’s just lots of individuals pissing people off.

Not astounded by the noise from the phone as I encounter that all the time. Astounded by being asked twice but carrying on anyway, yes.

Yep I’m the same age as you. Not that long ago a teenage girl near me had her feet on the seats, I tutted and she just asked me why I tutted at her. When I pointed out that there were notices saying that wasn’t allowed and that it’s not fair on people who will get on and sit there, she gave me a mouthful about having a bad back so she needed to have her feet up!

It's sounds almost as if you are suggesting that shame is specific to sexual behaviour or to expectations of women, but clearly that's not true. Shame is an important human emotion. It's a very unpleasant one to feel - that's why it's good at preventing us from doing bad and antisocial things. However, there are clearly behaviours which would once have been considered antisocial which are now accepted as normal, like the example in the OP.

People don’t even think before being loud on trains and buses anymore.

Last time I got the train to London it was properly busy (it’s a Scotland-England train) and a woman paid for something over the phone by reading out her card details - she gave her name, full card number, code and expiry date and everyone in the carriage could hear her.

It does my head in. I have no idea how these moronic people can think it's ok to pollute the communal air with their digital drivel.

I am trying to train myself to zone out as I am clearly fighting City Hall on this one.

Stupid woman! It is back to no self awareness, I recently heard some on loudspeaker to DWP talking about a benefit claim and giving out personal details!

It’s no wonder. Having read on the thread about the mum asking her son to come on a walk with her for 15 minutes and the majority of posters saying it’s outrageous to ask a teenager to do anything nice for someone else this is possibly one of the reasons that we are noticing this increase in entitled behaviour. no shame at all.

Yes some people are really annoying and lack social skills.
I was at a small garden centre on Monday. Just people mooching round. One family ( literally stood out from the others) was just so loud, yelling inane comments to each other from different sections outside.

I couldn’t think of a suitable way to ask them to stop - it was just inappropriately loud bollocks.

On trains my DH usually jokes about joining in with whatever they are watching and then does.

I’ve experienced the same and don’t know how people have the nerve to be so blatantly inconsiderate of others in contained spaces like buses and trains.

Even worse, this sense of entitlement extends to the perceived right to just drop litter anywhere. There’s a litter epidemic in much of the UK, despite there being more rubbish bins than ever before in my town at least. I do regular litter picks of my local area and it’s depressing to see how many people just drop their empty drinks bottles and other rubbish as they walk even if a bin is in sight.

It went out the window at the precise moment you had to buy Apple ear buds as they made them the only compatible ones with iPhones. Drives me bonkers, so inconsiderate.