AIBU to be astounded at people’s shamelessness?

[Dontbeconspicuous]

On a train home from work. Girl came and sat next to me (looked around 18-22) started scrolling TikTok at mid-volume. I politely asked “excuse me do you have any headphones?” She said she didn’t so I asked if she would turn the volume down so we didn’t all have to listen.

That lasted around 30 seconds before she started again. After another 5-10 minutes I asked again, “excuse me could you turn the volume down so we don’t all have to hear it”, she just looked at me blankly, made a quick phone call then carried on scrolling at an even louder volume. Loads of other people in the carriage but no one said anything. I didn’t bother again as it was now clear what the outcome would be.

How have we got to the point where someone can have their antisocial behaviour pointed out to them twice, but just carry on regardless? When did people become so brazen?

PS I don’t want to hear “just bring your own headphones” because that doesn’t address the complete lack of respect for other people.

Well this is the thing that actually shocked me. It wasn’t the phone noise itself as sadly it seems that’s normal now. It was being asked politely to turn it down but refusing to do so. I’ve never seen that before as usually people are appropriately embarrassed.

My son comes in handy in these situations as he repeats what people say or sings along. Then I get glared at. Well if you’re having a private conversation in public don’t get annoyed if people listen.

It is incredibly rude. If we all did it there’d be so much noise.

yep, my blood boils 🙄 I just feel like I’m so old now that I can’t even understand how it happens 😅 I’ve had to readjust my expectations and buy noise cancelling headphones. I fear this is a lost battle..

YANBU at all

peiple are awful, and seem to be worse on trains and in public spaces than anywhere else

this is why i hate using public transport.
its a real shame because as a child I was told to be considerate and i also insisted that my now grown up dc do the same .
how has this come about culturally?
My dc was in Japan recently and its seen , in some areas, to be very rude to talk on th e phone in public! Good for them .

DH and I were having lunch in a restaurant a little while ago, we could hear some very annoying plinky plinky noises, assumed it was a child with a tablet or something; DH asked the waitress if she would ask the parents to turn the noise down as it was spoiling our lunch. She replied that it wasn't a child, but a man sitting in the bar area waiting for his table. So asked her to speak to him, her response was that she didn't think they were allowed to ask him to turn the noise down. Until we stated that if she didn't we would walk out immediately, she managed to find someone to say something to him, and I heard him apologise.

I find that joining in the conversation makes them shut up, if they're playing music ask them who it is and are they any good or watch the videos over their shoulder and make suitable comments...

I hear you, I commute by train 5 days a week and I'm a scaredy cat quite passive about confronting people or speaking up. But several times a week i end up moving seats, or just standing for the rest of the journey, because I cant deal with people having noisy speaker phone conversations, listening to things without headphones as well as listening to shitty headphones where you can hear about 70% volume through the headphones.
My train route has really patchy reception ...anyone who travels regularly would know this, but the number of people trying to have a conversation lasting the full journey and having to repeat the same thing 4 times. Its so tedious.

See also people being oblivious (or faux oblivious) about their bags/belongings taking up seats.

I wish I had the confidence to join in peoples conversations, or when they say "can you still hear me?" For the 4th time, answer "unfortunately yes!"

I trace it back to around the 2010s. First tablets being released and kids allowed to game on them sans headphones. They are becoming adults now brought up to be inconsiderate with their devices.

Or Schoenberg.

I'm not condoning behaviour but people were walking round with stereos the size of washing machines on their shoulders in the 70s/80s. It's certainly nothing new that people can be inconsiderate.

Noise pollution is also certainly down to perception. I would much prefer to listen to teenagers music than the details of a hospital appointment talked about by pensioners

There were people in their mid 40s doing this?!?!?

Humanity is doomed.

I find plenty of people of all ages behave unsociable, not just younger people.

Im amazed at the type of stuff people discuss (loudly) on the phone on the train including personal details, medical problems etc

Trains used to be noisy places. Late 70's/early 80's I used to commute to London and the carriages would be buzzing with people chatting away to each other, laughing, exclaiming, it was quite a social event. Then we got easily accessible internet and social media and everything went quiet. Everyone hunched over their phones in a world of their own. I guess the fact that streaming no longer costs a fortune, and phones have massive storage, would be the reasons why we now have so many people watching their screens with sound on?

Or … Tie a Yellow Ribbon around the Old Oak Tree’. Loudly. On loop. And sing along.

Other people conversing with each other is completely different - much easier to tune out and impossible to do silently.
Constant scrolling is a non-stop assault on your audio senses - different volume levels, music or none, screaming/screeching etc changing every few seconds and most crucially - it could be listened to privately.

There was a recent survey in which one fifth of the people asked said they would chuck stuff out of the car. Presumably it depends on who you ask - I can't see one fifth of my crafts group saying that. But it is really depressing. So much rubbish eventually ends up in the sea.

We were subjected to this on holiday last summer - multiple times by different groups . So annoying when you are lying peacefully by a pool with a book and then get polluted by other peoples phones. We had to listen to multiple people describing the resort , their journey , their dinner , holding phones up to show people the view or the pool, hogging a scenic spot with their Instagram shoot, giving instructions to the dog sitters etc on and on and on they go… ignorant and oblivious!

Smartphones have altered human behaviour. They've been around for less than twenty years but no one behaves the same in public as they used to. Not looking where they're going, feeling that a public space is their own personal space because they're so cocooned into their phone hence playing personal media/conducting personal business in public, seeing the world as a succession of potential phone camera pictures with other people as clutter on the viewfinder - queueing for selfies in a crowded place in order to have a picture with no one else visible - while being actually surrounded by people! - requiring them to alter their physical world location for the sake of the smartphone! We're all sociopathic morons now.

Hmm. To be honest, when I visit other countries it seems the norm that people sing, dance, play instruments and basically do whatever they please on public transport. I do feel like as Brit’s were all a bit too “proper” and polite. Maybe it’s a culture shift? It’s not exactly harming anyone to scroll through some TikTok’s is it.

it’s not something I’d do but I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to turn something down. It’s none of my business.

I was on a one hour bus journey yesterday. Two women behind both having separate calls out loud for the entire journey.

I think you should feel shame for coming out with such a load of bullshit

Shame and judgement is what stops people acting in an anti social manner, we are a social species who should check each others behaviour when it negatibely impacts on someone else when it doesnt have to.

Who cares whether its 'young women' or not. Lack of self awareness is not a sex based trait and should be called out each and every time.

Society is up shit street because of total wankers like OP describes and the people that seem to think its dreadful to criticise them

This is such a strange take.

The whole point is the person playing music or videos without headphones - it becomes our business. We are forced to be involved.

I think most people also don’t really enjoy it if someone gets on the tube and starts playing a musical instrument because it’s usually a prelude to being asked for money.

“It’s not exactly harming anyone to scroll through some TikTok’s is it.”

Er, yes it is - it’s called noise pollution and antisocial behaviour. Trying to seat peacefully or read a book etc is impossible with that constant change in noise going on next to you.

I think it's not a new attitude, just a new version of an ever-present minority attitude.