AIBU to be astounded at people’s shamelessness?

[Dontbeconspicuous]

On a train home from work. Girl came and sat next to me (looked around 18-22) started scrolling TikTok at mid-volume. I politely asked “excuse me do you have any headphones?” She said she didn’t so I asked if she would turn the volume down so we didn’t all have to listen.

That lasted around 30 seconds before she started again. After another 5-10 minutes I asked again, “excuse me could you turn the volume down so we don’t all have to hear it”, she just looked at me blankly, made a quick phone call then carried on scrolling at an even louder volume. Loads of other people in the carriage but no one said anything. I didn’t bother again as it was now clear what the outcome would be.

How have we got to the point where someone can have their antisocial behaviour pointed out to them twice, but just carry on regardless? When did people become so brazen?

PS I don’t want to hear “just bring your own headphones” because that doesn’t address the complete lack of respect for other people.

I work in a hospital and had a woman conduct a very loud and smutty FaceTime call in the waiting room at full volume. I despair

Eh??? If that's true, then why do my Marshall On Ear headphones work with my iPhone.....? I can have my music as loud as I please, but only I can hear it

It's called Bluetooth

Totally, I cannot fathom why anyone would think playing their videos / music with sound without headphones is acceptable, even with headphones to keep it at an acceptable level.
headphones or silent.
rather like having a telephone call, keep your voice low, phone to your ear and NOT hands free and keep it brief, just be polite.
I think there should be more staff on thr train to implement this and not so much down to general public.
well done you though.

She was clearly looking for confrontation, she knew she was pissing you off. There’s reasons for her acting like this. For example, she could have just left the house with an argument with her mother, you sat next to her reminded her of mother figure, she wanted to piss you off as much as her mother had pissed her off. In psychology it’s called displacement (shifting emotions from their original target to a new, less threatening target.)

She was on the way home (presumably) from central London at 5pm. The phone call she made was (I assume from the tone and the content) to let a family member know what time the train would get in so they could pick her up, she also asked what’s for dinner.

Whilst your explanation might be plausible in some circumstances, I don’t think it’s applicable here.

Frankly whatever the reasons are, they don’t justify her behaviour towards me or the entirety of the carriage.

Tempting to have a Dom jolly style pretend call. Hello, on a train, very noisy, person next to me watching something on tic tic and turned it up after I asked her to turn it down. Agree I must be old and intolerant. Just wanted to read my book. Perhaps I will ask to watch it too.

Brilliant strategy!

I think on a previous thread discussing the same annoyances, someone suggested reading their book or newspaper aloud....

Or how about showing a little tolerance. I think it is totally unrealistic to expect silence on public transport. I think saying martyring yourself is a little bit dramatic. Is the noise irritating? Yes it is. I do agree with that but as I have said there are many things people find irritating about public transport and it’s not possible to eliminate all of them

As has been repeatedly pointed out on this thread, there’s a big difference between “natural” noises on a train, eg the human voice (in person) and noise coming from a phone, especially inane scrolling. No one’s demanding complete silence!

People are tolerant of those kind of noises, but shouldn’t have to be tolerant of antisocial behaviour when instead people should show consideration.

Yes I totally agree

playing music or videos on phone with no headphones is rude and anti social as is having a Sybil Faulty style call on loudspeaker droning on and on

Stop inflicting your drivel on everyone else when in public

I have came across many people whose voices I have found irritating too but that’s life. Why do “phone people” need to have more consideration for people than we do of them?” Can we not all just try to have a bit more consideration and tolerance for each other?

No sane person expects silence on public transport. But there is a marked difference between the ordinary sounds of the train itself mixed with quiet chatter as compared with someone next to you opening a tablet or a phone and playing music or watching reels unnecessarily loudly when they can easily eliminate the noise by wearing headphones.

And if all four people around a table listen to their own personal devices without headphones it becomes a cacophony,

Besides which it is impolite to impose your individual choice of entertainment on others.

How is littering even comparable to a little bit of noise on a presumable already noisy journey? That’s an entirely different topic.

Maybe I’m just a more tolerant person and I do appreciate that different things irritate different people. I do agree that consideration and tolerance is something that is lacking in society. Anyway it’s been interesting hearing different points of view but I’m going to leave it there

I dont think anyone is hoping for silence on a train. Unusually I'm on a train and im aware of maybe 4 quiet conversations, and some kids playing/laughing a bit more loudly, the only people on screens are wearing (effective) headphones.
All of it imo is quite acceptable , None of it is anywhere near as annoying as people scrolling through reels with volume up, or having a loud convesation On facetime and having to repeat themselves several times.

I was in an airport lounge recently and a woman in her 60s/70s was listening to something on her phone without headphones. A youngish man asked her to stop and get a protracted earful for his efforts.

The comparison with littering is pretty obvious imho.

First there is the incorrect assumption that “no one will mind if I do this moderately anti-social thing”

Second there is the imposition of your choices on others without their consent.

Noise pollution is so-called for a reason.

Incidentally, it’s worth noting that the brain’s of some people who are neurodiverse, are simply unable to filter out background noise, however hard they try, and it therefore can become distressing to them to have one person in a carriage shouting down a phone, while someone else watches music, while someone else watches a loud film on top of the usual train noises.

One of my DDs has ASD and she wears noise cancelling headphones but she has to take them off to listen to announcements occasionally as she is also a nervous traveller. How about some tolerance for those with autism?

Travelling on trains and especially buses will bring you into contact with people playing their music loud, people having phone conversations turned onto speaker-phone, people eating hot food, people putting their bag on the next seat so nobody can sit there, people putting their feet up on the seat opposite them, people having loud unfiltered conversations and many more delights.

I've noticed all of these things are more prevalent now, although it was far from perfect in the past.

I was next to a man once who was flossing his teeth with an interdental brush on a train which was gross, ive also seen someone taking their socks and shoes off, and inspecting their feet. Its probably less impactful than watching reels or phone noise which travels further. People a few rows away would have been unaware. That doesnt make it OK, it is still anti-social,gross and unnecessary.
The thing about phone noise is that it isnt like there is no options. Headphones (various styles) are widely available....

The only earful I've had from politely asking someone to please use headphones was from an older woman

The littering is an example of saying “it’s just the world we live in” because both littering and playing TikTok out loud in an enclosed public space is behaviour that’s antisocial and inconsiderate of other people.

However I’m pretty sure you’d think poorly of a litterer rather than just writing it off as part of the world we live in.

I was on a flight with a woman flossing her teeth yesterday it’s gross, mind you she was also last on and barged down with her backpack knocking into people and then practically barged the woman next to me over with her cabin bag in her rush to get off. So so rude.

I couldn't agree more. My nephew was recently in hospital after being hit by a car and he had a brain injury which meant he had to sleep to recover. Once he was on a ward, you wouldn't believe the utter ignorance of other families sat there at all times of day/night doing video calls and watching crap on full volume. Like I get it, hospitals are stressful and can be boring if you're waiting around but have some consideration for other people. Makes my blood boil.

Littering and not wearing headphones comes from the same cunty place

I think staff should tell the visitors to leave and that is a hospital with people trying to rest not a social club