AIBU to be astounded at people’s shamelessness?

[Dontbeconspicuous]

On a train home from work. Girl came and sat next to me (looked around 18-22) started scrolling TikTok at mid-volume. I politely asked “excuse me do you have any headphones?” She said she didn’t so I asked if she would turn the volume down so we didn’t all have to listen.

That lasted around 30 seconds before she started again. After another 5-10 minutes I asked again, “excuse me could you turn the volume down so we don’t all have to hear it”, she just looked at me blankly, made a quick phone call then carried on scrolling at an even louder volume. Loads of other people in the carriage but no one said anything. I didn’t bother again as it was now clear what the outcome would be.

How have we got to the point where someone can have their antisocial behaviour pointed out to them twice, but just carry on regardless? When did people become so brazen?

PS I don’t want to hear “just bring your own headphones” because that doesn’t address the complete lack of respect for other people.

It isn’t new. When I was a teen in the 00s chavs would take Bluetooth speakers and sit at the back of the bus blasting their shit music. I almost always have my AirPods in so I don’t have to listen but yeah, some people still do listen to annoying videos out loud.

Yes. My ex-DH is in a medical managerial role in the NHS. The job is patient facing & medical. The amount of times he needs to have recurrent conversations about no fake nails/ sleeves/ jewellery/ open shoes/ correct uniform as it's a medical requirement due to infection control is just crazy. Unfortunately it is the younger staff. They have all completed a 4 year degree & had extensive clinical time during this training in many different hospitals. It drives him crazy, least of all as he just doesn't have time for it.

We had this with an influx of new starters aged from mid-twenties to mid-forties - scrolling reels on their phones during induction - and gaping at you, astonished, when asked to stop. What's wrong with people?

Completely disagree - her selfishness was very shameful.

Adding for balance: I've also noticed apparent OAPs scrolling with the volume up in public places in recent months

People being that inconsiderate should be ashamed! I don't understand this logic of it being wrong to shame people for crappy behaviour.
The point about not shaming people was for things like being a single mother - that's crappy shaming.

Wagner, the Ride of the Valkyries might also do the trick.

Yes, behaviour shaming is quite different from circumstance commenting or shaming.

YANBU. I feel the exact same way. People do not care. We’re living in an age of narcissism where people have little regard for others - it’s like a disease.

This was quite the thing back in the mid 00s, obnoxious people playing shitty tinny music on their phones for everyone to hear. It stopped for quite a while when everyone started getting headphones and earpieces. I've no idea why it's started up again; people usually prefer to be plugged in and shut off from what I see.

It's just as obnoxious now as it was then, though.

I think you’re reading too much into this. Society is held together by a little bit of healthy shame - the kind where you know people will think you’re a shitty person if you drop your litter on the ground, or play your music at top volume at 3am on a school night, or behave in other ways that show no regard for other people around you or your shared environment.

I'm so glad I don't have to get on public transport anymore! But even 15 years ago I started always carrying headphones with me because other people were so fucking selfish and entitled.

Oh please.🙄
Selfish behaviour being called out isnt the shameful thing here.

I've shouted goodbye to the person on the other end of the speakerphone before now. When challenged, I've just said I thought it was a public conversation

Shame is a good thing. It's how we enforce societal rules without resorting to the law. It's how societies self-organise without resorting to authority figures. Once people become shameless the only way to enforce rules is to use the law. Would you rather a person be shamed into behaving properly, or be arrested and tried?

Same on my train yesterday, multiple people watching videos out loud and some people holding phone conversations on speaker phone. It's unbearable. I think public transport companies are being absolute dicks about this. A simple sign reminding people to use headphones and not be a public nuisance would make a fair bit of difference and make it easier for people objecting to point at a sign and ask them to adhere to it. If they can have signs about feet on the seats and behaviour towards staff and endless signs about fare dodging then they can have a sign asking people to stop making their shit transport service even shitter.

The quiet carriage doesn't even exist any more.

She will have posted a TikTok about you and how your attack on her has triggered her anxiety.

Missing the point entirely (sigh). It could be ANY gender of human. And yes, anyone who uses public transport or when in a public space, proceeds to speak loudly or play loud music or listen to a podcast loudly, without considering the others around them, ought to be ASHAMED of themselves.

it's weird isn't it, I remember when I was a teen absolutely everything was mortifying, I was in a state of constant awkwardness and self-consciousness. I wouldn't have danced around my bedroom with my closest friends, let alone in public and then filming it for strangers!

I think it's started again because of the shift to video. You open up your phone to watch some Netflix for half an hour, in go the headphones. You idly scroll an app with a short video that pops up, and you realise you need sound; it's a faff to get the headphones out for a short. Then of course you stay scrolling videos.

Oh give over 🙄

It's not just young people though. The was a lady in the same hospital bay as my mum. It was a geriatric ward. She was watching videos with the loud sound and accompanying swear words. She's got asked several times to turn it down. Her family eventually brought her some headphones but was a few days.

I do it with a death stare and even the chavs either stop or go sit away from everyone 😂

I was on a train recently when a young couple got on. The woman was watching something on her phone at a high volume. The man had his muddy shoes on the opposite seat. The guard came round and they had no tickets, so while he was selling them their tickets, I thought he'd tell the man to get his feet off the seat, but he didn't. The rest of the journey was filled with the young man shouting "I'm dying for a shit" "Is there a toilet on here? Can you shit in it?" while the woman giggled like he was saying something so cute. Not an ounce of self-awareness between them.

I didn’t say it was only young people, the person yesterday happened to be young. I do wonder if older people would still carry on having been asked twice though - probably less likely.