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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset by what my aunt said and did when I went to visit

213 replies

Droopydroopingdropped · 07/04/2026 11:15

Hello
I know I am probably being unreasonable and my aunt had every right to say what she said but I feel horrible and just want to get things off my chest
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life as they will think me too shallow
Anyway I visited family abroad after 6 years and the first thing my aunt said when I arrived at her house was "You look so different, oh you've changed so much."
When I visited last I was 50, still having periods and also had met the man I am now married too so I was all giddy and glowy. Six years on and, although still in love, life throws a lot of stress at you etc plus I am post menopausal.
I thought I looked okay but she kept mentioning it, saying oh my hair was so thick before now its thin, I look drawn, I dont look like before.
Just basically making me feel like shit.
She wouldn't cook either so would just eat snacks for herself and then fry me a load of chips
After a few days of this my skin came out in horrible boils
I endured 3 weeks but luckily there were some other relatives who took me out for meals and tried to send food for me because they all know what this aunt is like.
She would ask what I would like to eat but then just make chips
When I came back to the UK I got diagnosed with fatty liver!
I feel traumatised by my experience and I don't want anything more to do with this aunt who seems to be angry that I have had the audacity to age.
I did manage to stay with a cousin for a couple of nights but her husband didnt really like me being there.
I spent so much money for the flights and buying gifts for everyone and bar a few of them they just made me feel awful especially the aunt!
She is my mum's youngest sister, never been married, she lives with her unmarried brother who also has gone a bit weird.
I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

OP posts:
Dentalmum2 · 07/04/2026 11:18

YABU. You don't get fatty liver from three weeks of crap food. I'm assuming she's quite old if you are 56 so she may have lost her filter a bit. It's annoying, but certainly not worth getting a complex over it or researching filler.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/04/2026 11:20

The comments were shite but why are you relying on others to cook and bring you food, could you not have cooked/bought/ordered your own?

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:21

I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

As rubbish as she's made you feel, I can't take this ^^ seriously.

If you want fillers and plastic surgery then go for it, it's your life and your money.

But don't 'blame' anyone else for it.

GrillaMilla · 07/04/2026 11:21

Well she sounds very odd!
It's all on her, not you.

This is it with family...you can't choose them. We all have rude/weird etc relatives. I'd not make the effort again. Now you know for the future.

Hallamule · 07/04/2026 11:21

Your aunt does not sound like a kind person and she's clearly knocked your confidence. Lesson learnt, you need not see her again. But why you, as an adult, couldn't arrange a reasonable diet for yourself whilst staying with her, is a mystery.

DarmokAndJaladAtTenagra · 07/04/2026 11:23

Your aunt sounds horrible, rude and shallow. Why did you stay for 3 weeks? Why did you eat only chips unless other relatives fed you? You do sound very passive in what sounds like it was an intolerable situation. Why do you allow one woman's opinion of you to lead you to consider something as serious as cosmetic surgery?
It really sounds like you'd benifit from some professional help to improve your sense of agency, and self esteem.

Edited to correct cosmic surgery typo - now that might be interesting!

BauhausOfEliott · 07/04/2026 11:24

Your aunt was rude to make negative comments about your appearance.

But claiming you are 'traumatised' because she didn't cook you healthy meals and was a bit tactless is ridiculous. And no, you didn't get diagnosed with fatty liver because you had a couple of weeks of eating junk.

If you didn't want to eat what your aunt cooks you could have offered to cook something, bought yourself some healthy stuff to snack on etc. You're a grown woman.

Three weeks is a long time to impose yourself as a house guest.

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 11:24

Why would you stay for three weeks if you weren’t happy?!
And relying on other relatives to send food and take you out for meals like you’re a helpless infant 🙄

deserthighway · 07/04/2026 11:24

Agree with all the posters so far. We can't choose our family, you know now for future reference.

Also puzzled as to why you had to have people take you out for dinner and bring food for you? Thats odd for a healthy 56 year old.

But yes, don't go there again. Or tell her how much more wrinkled she is compared to the last time you saw her lol.

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:25

I also don't get the relevance of you saying you've been diagnosed with fatty liver disease?

Your aunt didn't cause this 😳

Catza · 07/04/2026 11:26

Nobody can make you feel anything. My mum is well known for throwing comments like that around and we just shrug it off because her opinion doesn't change anything about how we feel. So the question to ask yourself is why you took it so close to heart? Did it expose some thoughts you were already struggling with yourself?
I am also baffled by the fact that you couldn't arrange your own meals at the age of 56. Is there going to be a big drip feed about that?

Shoxfordian · 07/04/2026 11:27

Three weeks of chips didn't cause fatty liver disease
Why did you stay for three weeks when she was rude to you? Make it make sense

rubyslippers · 07/04/2026 11:27

Why were you so passive?!
why didn’t you cook or answer back to her comments / leave
my mind boggled at people willingly aceepting this when you could have left either to a hotel or back home
you are not obligated to stay or like your family

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 07/04/2026 11:28

I'm also wondering why you couldn't cook for yourself?..

iamfedupwiththis · 07/04/2026 11:29

There isn't a special place in heaven for martyrs!

A fatty liver after 3 weeks, you're taking through your backside!

Sorry to be rude.

SilverPink · 07/04/2026 11:29

Does your aunt live in the middle of nowhere? Are there no supermarkets you could have gone to and bought your own food?

Original poster
Droopydroopingdropped · 07/04/2026 11:30

Okay thank you
Foodwise I wasn't allowed in the kitchen. She would even bring me a cup of tea
They do things differently over there
Shes only about 8 years older than me, the youngest of all the sisters and when I mentioned it to another one she said she was worried that this would happen
Its not a country where you can get Uber Eats etc
Anyway the point is that despite making a huge long expensive journey I felt like I wasn't wanted there
My aunt and uncle had been calling and calling saying they wanted me to visit but then I get there and they cant be bothered to do basic meals.
As for plastic surgery no I wont do that really
I am exercising and eating healthily to get the fatty liver under control but I 100per cent believe the constant fried food tipped me into the unhealthy range.
I just wish I never went.

OP posts:
iamfedupwiththis · 07/04/2026 11:30

Staying with anyone for 3 weeks is ridiculous! IF you 56 how old is your aunt? Probably too old to host visitors!

iamfedupwiththis · 07/04/2026 11:31

I am exercising and eating healthily to get the fatty liver under control but I 100per cent believe the constant fried food tipped me into the unhealthy range.

You must have had a fatty liver to start with!

That is on you.

BMW6 · 07/04/2026 11:32

Well you've said yourself she's weird so why give any credence to her remarks about your looks?

Embrace your age and invest in good skincare , haircuts and styling if you need a confidence boost! Ditch the plastic surgery ideas.

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:32

Droopydroopingdropped · 07/04/2026 11:30

Okay thank you
Foodwise I wasn't allowed in the kitchen. She would even bring me a cup of tea
They do things differently over there
Shes only about 8 years older than me, the youngest of all the sisters and when I mentioned it to another one she said she was worried that this would happen
Its not a country where you can get Uber Eats etc
Anyway the point is that despite making a huge long expensive journey I felt like I wasn't wanted there
My aunt and uncle had been calling and calling saying they wanted me to visit but then I get there and they cant be bothered to do basic meals.
As for plastic surgery no I wont do that really
I am exercising and eating healthily to get the fatty liver under control but I 100per cent believe the constant fried food tipped me into the unhealthy range.
I just wish I never went.

I 100per cent believe the constant fried food tipped me into the unhealthy range.

This sounds like another example of you not taking responsibility I'm afraid.

Fatty liver disease takes years to develop.

ArtAngel · 07/04/2026 11:32

Well obviously she is a rude and tactless woman with no social skills. And her carrying on like that was hurtful.

But could you not have said ‘yes we all change and age, and you’ve made your opinion clear now so let’s leave it now’

And if I stay with someone for 3 weeks I cook regularly and take them out for dinner occasionally. Why couldn’t you go shopping for fruit and veg and offer to make something?

Family visits can be v tricky.

Don’t take your aunts rudeness personally and react to it. She has no right to make you feel shit about yourself.

JipJup · 07/04/2026 11:34

From Google...

Fatty liver disease (both non-alcoholic/MASLD and alcoholic) is caused by excess fat storage in liver cells, driven primarily by obesity (especially abdominal), type 2 diabetes, insulin resistance, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. It is often linked to diet, sedentary lifestyles, and heavy alcohol use.

FieryA · 07/04/2026 11:37

Your aunt was unpleasant and rude, no one can deny that. Not sure why anyone would think it is shallow? But why would you quietly bear it? You are a mature woman, you could have said something back to her and told her to stop being awful. Even with the food- did you make your stance clear? It is very odd that she won't make meals- does she survive on chips too? Why didnt you leave after a week? I get that you are upset by her treatment but you are not as much as a victim as you'd like to think.

Shoppingmakesmehappy · 07/04/2026 11:39

Where does she live?