I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

Op can you stay in the best hotels ?

Clearly as pp have said if you can then that seems to make all the difference.

However what about somewhere like Morocco / Marrakech ?

https://www.youtube.com/Jenniji

Check her stuff out. For whatever reason she has a longing and deep desire for India despite being a white German woman.

As you haven't been to India yourself how can you know it's "worse" than China? As people have said, it's a big country (as is China of course). I'm sure both of them have clean bits and less clean bits.

And my question about worrying was, if you managed to control it in order to visit other countries then you can do it for India. You're not being rational at all.

If you are concerned about your level of worrying then seek therapy for it, don't have a go at me.

I was ready to defend op and say that I can understand having more worries around those things in India than some other countries, however your comment on "if you'd actually visited these countries..." reeks of privilege and snobbery.

Yes the poster was dismissive but plenty of people haven't visited so many countries yet still understand issues around the world.

India is absolutely incredible. One of my favourite places ever. Give it a go.

YANBU - not at all. I have been, it's a massive culture shock and if you already feel this way I can garantee you will hate it. We also got horrific food poisoning and were ill for weeks.

Simple, don’t go! Let them enjoy their trip to India if that’s what they want to do. Go on your own holiday and enjoy yourself.

Have you been to either of those countries?
I have. There’s a huge difference between them in terms of safety, particularly for women.

India is one of the only countries I’ve visited where I felt unsafe and was told not to walk around on my own, especially at night.

I never felt unsafe in China, Japan or Korea.

She doesn’t want to.

I can understand some of your concerns about hygiene,sickness,noise and the hustle and bustle although it depends where in India you go,its a vast country.
Stay in reputable standard hotels and drink bottled water helps.
India is an amazing experience but if you really don't fancy it either come to an agreement about an alternative trip you all feel happy with or give it a go with research and precautions.
I have been to India 4 times and have to admit i did get a stomach bug once in a rural location.

@Harshreality why won’t he go without you?
Does he never go away with friends or for work or a hobby?

I'd also let them go alone.

I've been backpacking in India and it was very stressful and it was the only place I've had food poisoning. I don't think it's unreasonable not to want to go. I don't really want to go back.

BUT there are clear ways of seeing India that would have been hugely less stressful. If you go on an organised tour you will be shielded from a lot of it (as in, be with a guide the entire time). If you are not on a tight budget some of the hotels are amazing.

It was beautiful and fascinating but a lot of poverty and pollution.

I really liked Amritsar golden temple, the Taj Mahal was less hassley than I expected, Jaipur and a birdwatching tour we did at a national park near Agra.

Not overkill at all. If the tap water isn't safe for drinking you shouldn't do your teeth with it. I don't use it for that where we live and don't allow my kids to either. Filtered only.

Not everyone likes going on holiday! My husband does but I’m sick of sightseeing, airports, 12 hours in planes, worrying about getting unwell (sensitive stomach) etc etc. So he’s going to Japan and I’m staying home with the dog.
So send them off and you can indulge in spas, reading a book in the garden, National Trust or a theatre trip to London - whatever floats your boat.

But she’s asking for opinions and advice. Of course she could just say "I don’t want to go so I won’t" to her DH and leave it at that - but she hasn’t.

my dd's went and found the indian men and women lovely, and so helpful,
no scary experiences at all

I've only been to Goa, got talked into it, was told it is "easy India". Well, i had terrible stomach problems, nuff said, and a lot of difficult moments, was not a relaxing holiday at all, problematic attitude towards and treatment of women, scarey poverty, full on hassle by vendors, and hygiene very problematic. Needless to say I've never been back. Don't let yourself be talked into this, we all deserve restful reviving holidays. If you really wanted to go I'm sure you would be prepared to deal with the downside, but you clearly don't.

I think you need to look more closely at resolving some of the unhelpful dynamics in your marriage. Why is your day to day life so stressful? Why are your holidays so stressful? Why do you feel compelled to do wall to wall activities on holiday? Why do you tolerate and capitulate to constant nagging by what appears to be a controlling and dominant husband. Do you have a voice and agency? What are your DCs learning from watching this dynamic? I don’t think it’s India specifically at all - I think you are at your emotional and physical capacity from having a stressful day to day life with no respite on holiday.

She’s not asking for advice on planning a trip to India.
She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to go yet this thread is full of people telling her she should.
The issue is how to deal with her husband potentially ‘nagging’ her into going because he won’t go in his own.

She doesn’t want to go - that should be enough.

Yes, the issue is her husband is superglued to her. She doesn't have to go anywhere she doesn't want to.

I would so love to go! See other ways of living, experience new foods, see all the fantastic sights that India has to offer.

But if you hate travel, they go alone and have an amazing time themselves.

If you don’t want to go, of course you shouldn’t go. I have been to India travelling about 20 years ago and probably wouldn’t visit again (although possibly would be persuaded to go to Kerala again). That shouldn’t stop the rest of your family going if they want to.

It is insane that you haven’t had any nights apart, and he wouldn’t go without you. Why is that? Is it because you do everything and it means that if you’re not there he has to do stuff? Or is one of you paranoid in some way?

You say not having nights apart works for you- but clearly it doesn’t as they’re trying to persuade you to go somewhere you don’t want to go.

Maybe you need a weekend away with friends to get some space to properly think about this dynamic.

Let them go, do something for yourself you enjoy.
Stop forcing yourself for the sake of others (yes, even family).
Heartily recommended.

PS - Nepal could be a good compromise? That is where I am now. Very different from India in some ways obviously, but they share some similar landscapes in some areas. It is a really amazing place, and DH (who has been to India multiple times and loves it there) says that Nepal is significantly less stressful in some respects - you really don't get bothered much by people trying to sell you stuff, for instance. (I'm not trying to dunk on India there, I haven't been, it's just what I've heard.)There are mountains, obv, beautiful jungle down at Chitwan, Pokhara has a lot of adventure stuff, and I love Kathmandu. Been here two years and not had food poisoning.