I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

I think you should really encourage them to go without you. They’d love it, you’d hate it, so it makes sense.

We have been to India and whilst it was incredible, it was not remotely relaxing.

Your DH is totally unreasonable. He doesn't get to force you to go somewhere you think you would hate. As you're happy for him to go without you, he has two choices: go without you (he makes all the arrangements, though,) or shut up about it.

I'm much more adventurous in my travel choices than DH. I always ask if he's interested in somewhere; if not, I go without him, and he is fine with that. Last year, that included India.

We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us

Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging.

Both cannot be true. They contradict one another.

When my 4 year old is being really annoying and asking for the same thing over and over again I say “Mummy said no. We’re not talking about it any more.” Try that.

Bengaluru is a tourist destination. It's a vibrant city.

Honestly, when we travel now we only do long haul. For a few reasons :

Every time we've been to places like Spain, the Balearics, the Canaries we have had food poisoning. Every single bloody time.

Also, in those destinations, the hotel staff have been mostly vile and rude.

For just a few hundred pounds extra, you can get to the Caribbean! The people and hotel staff are so much nicer AND we never get sick. Given that the Caribbean destinations have to cater to Americans and Canadians predominantly, the food hygiene is insanely good. You can take ice safely etc. You can even drink the tap water in Jamaica.

We also prefer to meet American's and Canadians on holiday, instead of the Oggy Oggy Oggy brigade of Brits that you find in Spain.

The flights are better too. Yes longer, but you can upgrade to TUI Premium with bigger seats, lots of legroom and 4 course menu's with wine etc. I'd rather fly like that for 9 hours, instead of flying for 3 hours on Easyjet!

That's not your fault though.

I don't fancy it either. DH went to a wedding out there on his own when DS was little.

Can there be a compromise? You fly to Kerala/Sri Lanka and stay in a luxury place and they fly to Mumbai, do the travelling around bit then meet you in Kerala? Everyone has nice time then.

Using bottled water is definitely not overkill. I went to New Delhi and got Dehli belly but only found out after I got back that people say use bottled water for everything including brushing your teeth. Think of how you might wash your hair in the bath or shower. Try not to let your mouth get under the water. McDonalds is acknowledged as risky in India because the vegetables in the burgers have been washed.

So why is he unable to embrace going without you?

Does he not believe you know your own mind and ‘would enjoy it really, if only you’d listen / be more like him’, or his he unable to envisage doing all the responsible work himself?

Or enjoying the experience with only your DC for company? In that case he could plan group trips, there’ll be plenty of other, enthusiastic travellers to talk to.

Why can he veto your choice but not you his?

Could you go to an amazing hotel, You stay by the pool and chill while they explore?

What a very odd thread!

My first reaction was, like everyone else, that YANBU; if you don't want to go that's fine, let them go without you.

BUT, if you can go to China, Japan, Brazil, and even consider Korea, then wtf has India done to offend you? And if DP has been wanting to go for 25 years, aren't you being rather selfish?

And what's this:
The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely
all about @Harshreality ?
Why do you worry so much?

And didn't you manage to successfully navigate all these hazards in the above - mentioned countries?

100 % this, or stay home and enjoy the your own sanctuary

YANBU, he can go if he wants, and I would be keeping my 12 year old at home. They only want to go because your husband has out it in their head! Why the obsession with India?

If he doesn't want to go without you, then he'll have to not go won't he?! Is he 5? Why can he not go without mommy?

Edited to add: (As I only just noticed this...)

@MrsJeanLuc If you can go to China, Japan, Brazil, and even consider Korea, then wtf has India done to offend you? And if DP has been wanting to go for 25 years, aren't you being rather selfish?

I do have to ask this too. If you can go to all of these places, I am struggling to fathom why you won't go to India....?

.

I brushed my teeth with bottled water in India. I think that's standard common sense. No male hassle as I was part of a guided group, we were literally dropped off by minibus at venue entrance. Think being dropped at ticket office of Tower of London or Stonehenge. Ate in hotel.

I did get lovely Indian families wanting a quick photo with me inside tourist venues as they personally hadn't met a white woman before, this was 20yrs ago.

That.

Exactly.

I think you should go. India has the best hotels I’ve ever stayed in, wonderful service and luxury. You don’t have to backpack in third class train compartments à la Michael Palin eating street curry. Nothing wrong with that though but whatever floats your boat.

If you'd actually visited any of these countries yourself, you'd know it's a different level in India. China, for example, was extremely clean, the people very welcoming and friendly.

As for your complete dismissal of my "worrying", do you think bring anxious is something that can be sparkled away simply by saying don't worry? Don't you think I'd love to worry less? It's not easy to switch off.

I wouldn’t go to India and wouldn’t allow my daughters to go. I think it’s unsafe for women, even tourists. I would probably be fine with DH taking a son though, if I had one.

if you’re doing luxury stays and guided tours it’ll be amazing.
my husband had a work trip there ( to be fair it was years ago ) and was taken care of by his Indian business colleagues.
he ate cooked vegetarian dishes the entire time , no salads or cold foods and drank cans of coke and cups of tea .
he had an amazing time .
I was home with all our kids so didn’t get to experience it

A holiday is a family affair and everyone should get their say on destination ( children once they are old enough)
You've said you don’t want to go
Job done

Chose some other places and give them as options

What about Thailand and Sri Lanka for starters lots to do and plenty of culture

Can't your DH take himself there on an organised tour where he is guaranteed company with other people? I've been to India twice on my own as DH didn't want to go for the same reasons as you.

She doesn’t want to go.
Why isn’t that enough?

I’ve travelled to many countries, on my own, and been quite far off the beaten track at times. I’m above-averagely knowledgeable about the world for professional reasons.

There’s no way I’d go to India, alone or with male family members. All the stories you hear about sexual violence, including against women tourists, including when they are with men? Those stories barely scratch the surface.

I’ve travelled to China, Japan, Korea and India.
India is VERY different to those other countries and is the only one where I felt unsafe as a solo female traveller.