I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

My old friend went a few times, then moved to Goa. Loved the people and the pace. I guess we all experience things differently. His photographs though, wow, looked amazing.

Depends on the husband I’m guessing. I can see how holidays with some men might be very stressful.

It depends where you go. Don't go to a village where the uneducated men are.

Go to nice places and go when the weather is nice. North India in the summer is horrible. I genuinely hated the north so I'd never go back.

But I have so much love for Bangalore and my kids feel a deep affection for it as well.

She won’t be solo.

Reality is nowhere is super safe for women. A friend of mine was raped in France.

So that's his choice, go with DC or not go. Why won't he go if you (happily) don't go with him?

I don’t think that OP said that she wouldn't be happy for them to go on their own, but maybe I missed that…
I don’t think the destination is the issue here, it’s her DH who wants different things on holiday than OP. I don’t think trying to “sell” OP the story that others have been and have really enjoyed their holiday is helpful. I’m sure India is beautiful and lots of us would enjoy a holiday there. BUT… if OP doesn’t want to go. End of. She’s a grown woman. I’d sit DH down and say “I want to be clear. I am not going to India. I do not want any further discussion about me going to India. However, if you and DS want to go, that’s fine by me…”

I used to always want to visit India, but never got the opportunity and wouldn't want to now - for all the reasons pointed out by pp's.

I also wouldn't want to go and holiday in any 5 star resort where nearby, the locals live in such appalling levels of poverty.

OP, YANBU. But the set-up you have and have always gone anong with is odd. Nobody, and I mean nobody, would make me endure Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. Year after year.

I went there in 2001 for 3 weeks. I was ill the whole time with both food poisoning and and difficulties with breathing polluted air in Calcutta and Delhi. I was prepared for possible food poisoning but I was taken by surprise by the air pollution problem. I’m not asthmatic and have never in my life had any kind of breathing difficulties (not even with Covid) and never been prescribed an inhaler, and yet I was in a terrible state in those two cities - coughing, wheezing, eyes stinging and watering, throat stinging, face red etc etc.

India is beautiful and fascinating but because my health issues were so bad, I won’t be going again unless I can be reassured that the food hygiene standards and the air pollution have improved dramatically. I have travelled all over the world and India and Honduras were the only countries I was pleased to leave.

Well yes, you can be raped and sexually assaulted anywhere.
However, official travel advice from the UK government states there is a risk of sexual assault in India and that women often face harassment. I don’t want to go on holiday to a place where I need to chaperoned by a man to feel safe or to a place where I’ll be harassed.
That’s the reality of travelling in India. Not everyone wants that.

I imagine the experience is different for a man…

it is not a given that a woman is unsafe in india

I’ve been to India, was very careful, had a great time. The carefulness and planning was a low-level constant effort. So what, OP doesn’t want to go.

I’m interested in whether your DH could explore the idea of embracing it as an adventure with your DS. At 12 this would be a really memorable experience. It would take work and a level of constant effort to ensure it is a positive memory. Would he be up for giving that a go?

Or maybe DH could book himself on a group trip to scratch that itch and you do a separate family holiday?

You don't have to stay in a 5 star resort to stay in a nice place in India and tbh I think your attitude is more righteous than helpful. Those "locals living in appalling levels of poverty", where that applies, will still be living in it if you just stay at home, but you won't be putting money into the local economy that way. Travelling thoughtfully and ethically does not have to be an immoral act, and staying at home doesn't change the disparity you speak of either. Just means you don't have to confront it.

It's the on place l don't fancy either OP and wasting money on a flight would upset me more than anything!!

Well let me tell you then, as someone thats travelled in both extensively, that the OP is correct in her assertion. Its hard to imagine if you haven't been to India the level of noise, dirt, traffic, overcrowding, begging, poverty. Ots pretty much unrelenting. And yes you could stay in a lovely 5 star hotel but you have to go out of them. Her DH wants to explore, she will have to leave the hotel. Everyone we met had travellers diarrhoea. We still laugh now, years later, about the '5 second warning ' you get in the pit of your stomach before you had to rush to find a toilet. Most of the time it was only mild inconvenience but I know a few people that were very ill. So yes, its not for everyone. Some people absolutely love travelling in India, I have a friend that goes over every year but its not fair to completely dismiss OPs concerns when you haven't experienced it yourself.
Also the OP does not need to seek therapy for not wanting to go somewhere on holiday. What an incredibly passive aggressive and smarmy remark

My DIL is Indian and tells us not to go to India 🤣

My sister and brother- in- law are American and tell us not to come to the US. 🙂

You're perfectly entitled to not want to go. Don't be beleaguered into going on a trip you'll be anxious about. DH has a choice -.go with your son, or miss out.

I'd been obsessed with India since I was little and finally got to go for my 60th birthday, present from my daughter, who is a wonderful fellow traveller.
It was the best experience of my life! A total culture shock of course but we had a wonderful guide and stayed in simple but clean and comfortable hotels.The food was lovely though as quite a seasoned traveller with ibs I ate cautiously as a matter of course.
16 years on I would love to go back.
I wouldn't go OP though, if you don't want to.
It's challenging.

As an Indian. Every state and every city is different..I felt happy in my namesake.

Recently I spoke to a family member who still lives and studied in India and in my city and I asked her if she felt safe and she said she felt super safe. She travelled late at night alone and felt super safe.

Every place is different. Bangalore is different to Delhi which is different to Mumbai which is different to going to a village in Bihar.

But the odds are higher than many other places.
I’ve been and was told by hotel staff not to go out on my own. I was told the same in some parts of Indonesia.

And even if you’re not sexually assaulted the constant low level of harassment is present and is uncomfortable.

Where did you go?

i would be more wary in south america

Because there's an 'idea' of India and there's the reality.
And it's good to challenge your beliefs, no?

I travel late at night alone in Bengaluru and Mumbai as does my young DD- and millions of Indian women- but rather different for Westerners, I guess.