I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

one question really. Why do you not take separate holidays? Wish them a lovely time, even maybe help them pack and then do something YOU want to do. Not sure why you have ever let yourself be nagged into doing something you don't want to do.

Can’t your husband do activities on his own / with your child on holiday, if you get so stressed by them? Why can’t you stay in the hotel and read your book if that’s what you’d prefer?

or just stay home?

Why is her DH allowed to say no to Korea but she should research India a bit more and convince herself she’ll enjoy it?

95% of the people you know who have been to India come back ill?? That sounds crazy. They can’t have been taking the sensible recommended precautions.

I know about a dozen people who have been to India in the past few years (including DH who goes regularly for work) and none of them have come back ill.

I honestly find it quite sad when a couple has never spent a night apart when it results in issues like this. He's harassing you which isn't fair and he isn't doing the holiday he clearly wants because he won't leave you. Not nice for either of you though all in his control.

Then that’s his problem. He doesn’t get to force you into a holiday you don’t want because he won’t go on his own.

I would find this really suffocating.

If you stay at the high-end hotel India is fine! However, if you hate the very idea of it, there is no reason to push yourself into it. Let them go and find anothe direction for yourself!

Why wouldn’t he go without you?!

Personally, I loved my holiday to India. But, if you don't want to go, then don't! You have agency, OP, so use it. Your husband and child can go, and have a great time. Meanwhile, you can have whatever kind of holiday you prefer.... maybe a nice UK cottage, take a pile of books and just relax?

Then that's a him problem. As is, I suspect, the fact you don't feel relaxed on holidays. Why doesn't he feel stressed? Is it because you're running around doing everything for everyone?

FWIW I go on holidays just me and my 8 year old, we have amazing, relaxed holidays, and I can't wait to take him to India because it's somewhere I loved going before I had him.

I haven't read the thread but it intrigued me, some years ago my DH wanted us to tour China, along with DD. I didn't fancy it so stayed home to decorate the house while they did the tour. worked out well for all of us . I am not saying that you decorate your house obvs, but do something for YOU.

DH has always said he’d like to go to India but for me it’s absolutely a no, for all the reasons you’ve said, they’d have to drag me on to the plane kicking and screaming. I genuinely would let your DH go without you.

Why is her DH allowed to say no to Korea but she should research India a bit more and convince herself she’ll enjoy it.

Fair enough.

I have never wanted to visit India. Doesn't appeal.

It depends where they want to go in India. In the tourist hot spots, aka what they call the golden triangle expect a stressful and not very restful experience. But Goa, Calcutta and Mumbai were different. Yes still often very busy but no hassle. I also think it depends how much you spend on accommodation. We backpacked around in our 20s so all done on the cheap. But nice hotels equal nice service and that comes at a cost. Amazing country but maybe not a restful holiday unless you stay on a resort in Goa. Tell him to go on his own.

It's moving around India which is not that fun.
If you go somewhere peaceful, (Goa, Kerala) and stay in a luxury hotel you will love it

As others have said, India is not the real issue, but the fact that the husband won't accept even a night apart. This doesn't sound like love, it sounds like control.
OP, it's perfectly normal to be happily married for decades and yet still spend time apart - you are two independent people. What will happen to your husband if you die before him, or have to move into a care home? You need to think long-term, because this dependency could end very badly.

My dad's been to India on a couple of trips, both wildlife orientated. He really loved it and despite hating spicy food he said the food was very nice and didn't get ill on either trip. He has, though, advised me not to go as I'd find the poverty too distressing.

DH wants to go to watch India play England in one of the smaller test grounds. He'd been gradually talking me into it but I'm too ill to go and could be long term.

Probably because he would have to do all the childcare stuff that his partner would normally do.

I definitely wouldn’t go. It’s the last place I’d want a holiday. They can go without you, if they are so set on it. Dig your heels in @Harshreality you don’t have to go.

I really do not get why people say "oh do xxx, go xxx you will love it" when someone DOES NOT WANT TO GO

He can go to India with your daughter and you can go to Korea, alone, sounds perfect to me. Hopefully you'll not be back to moan about your husband making you go to Korea alone! We did a tour of part of India about 30 years ago, we did it with Voyage Jules Verne, and had a wonderful time. There are things you see which make you uncomfortable, the social divide between the castes is staggering, but the sights are fantastic. A couple of people had Delhi-belly but the hotels and our guide were full of advice about cures and in the end it was no worse than it can be on a costa.

It’s an amazing country, we stayed in Homestays (like a B&B) and were fine. Had driver and guides. Far more authentic experience than the 4/5 star hotels which are so artificial.