I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

Because the OP allows herself to be bullied into going.

So you’re blaming me for being alone with a male?

The harassment was not from drivers. That was just men in the street.

Actually, the data doesn't support that label. While the absolute number of cases in India is high due to its massive population (1.4 billion), its reported rape rate is approximately 5 per 100,000 people.
For comparison, many Western and African nations report rates ten to fifteen times higher (often between 30 and 90 per 100,000). While under-reporting is a serious issue globally, calling India the 'capital' ignores the statistical reality that per capita rates are significantly higher elsewhere.

i have been to India many times and find it a wonderful, exciting and enjoyable place. It’s maybe not the zone out relaxing holiday you need though. And that’s totally cool. I love a couple of weeks on the beach doing nothing more energetic than dressing for dinner! You should be able to say no and do your own thing. But also… you could miss out on an amazing experience

Would you mind sharing details of where you stayed / who you booked through? It sounds amazing

And yeah Egypt was bad too. Which why I’ll never return.

So what if he whines. Let him.

Or do you mean he’s a nasty bully?

The luxury hotels in India have immaculate customer service and care. They treat you very well. Hospitality is amazing

My sightly space-cadet friends (who once drove to Aylesbury, not Avebury, and couldn't find the stones!) went to India for a relaxing break. They came back stunned and traumatised!

I used to work with an Indian lady who had a riverboat somewhere in India that she hired out for holidays - food supplied. She was an amazing person and the boat holidays sounded wonderful. This was in the late 1980s though, pre internet. I wish I could remember where it was. I could imagine a holiday like that being blissful, but then you're living in your own bubble close to Nature, away from the crowds.

I'm sure that's the case, but one doesn't have to go to India to experience that.

Kerala.

I think they stayed on a boat for a bit then also went to a national park, various towns/villages etc...

This was about 12 years ago as the boys are now early 20s!

They can go and you go elsewhere. Seems like the easiest solution.

My husband goes for work quite frequently and stays in 5* hotels each time,
but he’s had food poisoning multiple times and twice he has had food poisoning so bad he had to go to hospital to be treated. And he had lasting effects from these illnesses. He likes visiting, the people and culture, and enjoys his time there, but this is always a risk as even in high end hotels you can get ill.

I know you can get ill anywhere, but it has put me off wanting to go there if I’m honest.

Who chose the other holidays @Harshreality? If you never choose then it's fair for you to get a say.
But if husband goes along with your choices, well, be fair to him.

DH once said to me he'd rather do Iraq (again) over India.

Admittedly, he was in a compound in Iraq and not in India. But DH was not impressed by his time in India including how female members of his organisation were treated by both the public and by the Government.

But honestly, OP, your DH sounds bloody awful. He's a grown man. He can go on holiday by himself to India, or with your son, if he wants. He's not surgically attached to you unless he's a barnacle - in which case, I've seen some very satisfying videos recently of them being removed. Perhaps one to consider? 😆

You obviously aren't pushing him away as you would be happy to visit other countries with him, just not India. He is emotionally blackmailing you and that isn't OK. He has two choices, either go to India without you or choose a country that you all want to visit.

Yet when he rejects Korea, is he pushing you away? Why is he the main character? Why are you not?

All sounds like a massive double standard. From what you’ve written, he comes across as needy, selfish, hypocritical and completely accustomed to having his needs put first.

Have a week in Bognor Regis instead.

I agree. India is physically and emotionally very hard work. It is more of an experience than a holiday. You can shield yourself in a 5 star hotel and only take organised trips etc but it doesnt work like that. I got very poorly after living in a 5 star hotel when I was on secondment and had dysentry for a year. Its a beautiful country with beautiful people but little sanitation and it only takes one touch of something from hand to face for you to get terribly ill. Sorry😞

I could be wrong but I think that harassment is usually directed at lone women, or those with a boyfriend they aren't married to.. I suspect, sadly, going with s husband will be a lot safer.

Also some areas will be quieter and a lot better for harassmen safety generally.. depends if you're going to big city areas etc

This

OP were you very young when you got together? So no experience of living and travelling separately? That’s the only explanation I can think of for this sort of clingy, joined at the hip approach to life.

This trip presents a great opportunity for personal growth on his part.

I get that it seems cute to want to be with your beloved at all times. It isn’t though, when it amounts to loss of functional independence and to trying to coerce (bully) the other person into doing something they don’t want.

For context, where were your pervious holidays?

@Harshreality

well it’s not working for you both now is it. He wants to go somewhere you don’t, fine, he just goes off on his own. It would be good thing for you both to discover that marriage doesn’t mean being joined at the hip and doing everything together

I would never set foot in India after that horrific bus gang rape incident.

Fuck that.

Choose a reputable tour company, offering 5-star hotels throughout, especially if you can add Varanasi, and Khajuraho to the standard Delhi, Jaipur, Agra mix. As others have said, eat/drink wisely, avoiding ice, street food etc. We limited ourselves to hotel food that we had seen cooked, generally sizzling fried, bananas and oranges, peelable, for fruit, and survived.
Go for it, and be prepared to enjoy every moment!