AIBU to keep my married name after divorce despite new partner’s objections?

[FidgetWonkham]

Would like some perspective on this please.
I’ve been with my partner for a number of years and I’m only just going through the process of divorcing my ex. Several reasons why its took so long but money was a factor.

(I was separated two years before I met my new partner, he was not an affair)

Anyway, he feels very strongly that I should not be keeping my married name after the divorce. Says it’s ’another man’s name!’

However, it’s been my name now for a long time. I HATE my ‘maiden’ name! I like my name now, it’s my children’s name (young adults now) I also have to write my name for work many times a day. It’s just who I am now!!

I really don’t want to go back to my old name but my partner is so worked up about the prospect of me keeping my married name after divorce.

Thoughts please as I’m losing track of what’s reasonable.

It’s your name. He needs to get a grip.

You didn’t borrow a name, it’s yours. Being pressured over this would be a massive red flag for me.

He doesn't get to decide what your name is.

He sounds like a twat to be honest. It's not your ex's name it's your name.

It's your name, it's not another man's name. How ridiculous.

He needs to get over himself.

Its your name not another mans name. A name you share with your children. He needs to accept your choice and move on.

Also as for the IMO stupid argument that it is another mans name surely your birthname is also another mans name.

It’s the same as your kids and it’s your choice to keep. He needs to calm down.

Please don't let someone else chose your name for you. I didn't change my name when I married and my DH didn't put any pressure on my. He actually offered to change to mine so we could all be the same.

Yanbu its your name and your choice! I kept mine, that is just my name now and same as the kids

I’d want to keep the same name as my children, even if they were grown. I’d probably return to my maiden name if I didn’t have children. That would be personal choice though and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

Is this him trying to lay down the law? Honestly, it’s very unattractive and a bit pathetic.

Tell him your reasons here (only to give him the benefit of the doubt), then tell him no and if he brings it up again you reconsider his intellectual capacity and get the ick.

…. because if that doesn’t happen you should be having a closer look at yourself.

This exactly
he sounds absolutely pathetic

Would like to add, I fell out with my Dad when I was younger and he had no contact with me after that. I wasn’t even told when he died! I have no desire to have his family name again

Yeah, like they all said, it’s your name now.
And I’d be very wary about a man who was getting so worked up over me having ‘another man’s name’ like it is some sort of territorial claim. Very wary indeed.

That would really annoy me and put me right off him, it has shades of misogyny all over it - he doesn't like "his" woman having "another man's" name? 🙄

Honestly, he needs to butt out, it's entirely your decision which name you keep. No doubt posters will come on here soon and berate you for changing your name when you married but, again, that was entirely your choice and it has been your name now for years.

Of course you don't need to change it again and certainly not because your current partner wants you to!

Yanbu. I have done the same. I want to have the same name as my children but also after a decade of using it it felt like my name (and also my professional identity). Also. And far more superficially, I like it more than my maiden name

I refused to change my name when I married. My kids have a different name <gasp>, but I am Bloodydoit, and has always been and will remain so. My DH didn’t want to change his either. We are happily married.

Now I'm of the mind that I wouldn’t change my name in marriage, I can see now that’s a an outdated idea, but at the time I was glad to be rid of my birth name.

It doesn’t even sound good with my first name!!

I agree.

Keep the name and consider ditching the man.

The update makes this even more odd. Have you asked him why he thinks you should have the name of a man who cared so little for you and that you didn't have contact with rather than one who presumably loved you, had children and a life with you and made you happy for a long time before you split?

Please tell me you're not intending on marrying him?

I thought you were going to say that your EX objected - which although it's absolutely your right and perfectly normal to keep it, I could possibly also see that it might seem slightly awkward to him especially if he's remarrying and his new wife will also change to his. But it's your current partner who objects to "another man's name"? No WAY, dude.

Guess he needs to propose if he wants to change your name

Would he like to change his name at this stage of life? Of course not.

You could, if you wanted, change it to whatever you wanted, you don't need to revert back to your maiden name, hate that term anyway. As you have adult children clearly your married name has been yours for a long time. I have had my married name longer than I had my maiden name.

I kept my married name and we divorced 24 years ago. It was how I was known professionally and I just couldn't be arsed.