AIBU to keep my married name after divorce despite new partner’s objections?

[FidgetWonkham]

Would like some perspective on this please.
I’ve been with my partner for a number of years and I’m only just going through the process of divorcing my ex. Several reasons why its took so long but money was a factor.

(I was separated two years before I met my new partner, he was not an affair)

Anyway, he feels very strongly that I should not be keeping my married name after the divorce. Says it’s ’another man’s name!’

However, it’s been my name now for a long time. I HATE my ‘maiden’ name! I like my name now, it’s my children’s name (young adults now) I also have to write my name for work many times a day. It’s just who I am now!!

I really don’t want to go back to my old name but my partner is so worked up about the prospect of me keeping my married name after divorce.

Thoughts please as I’m losing track of what’s reasonable.

It’s your name and your legal identity, and changing it would be an unnecessary administrative burden - especially when it makes practical sense to share a surname with your children.

His demand comes across as a bit patriarchal and chauvinistic, prioritising his own insecurity over your established life and family cohesion.

Do you feel like he’s trying to diminish or overwrite your past, or is he simply not fully considering the practical and emotional implications of what he’s asking?

What do you think is really about for him - concern about perception, insecurity, or something else?

Calling it “another man’s name” feels quite antiquated - after all, his surname came from another man too.

I’d find the behaviour, and its sexist undertones, quite concerning.

You can use whatever title you like, there's no law that says you have to be Mrs just because you're married. You can still call yourself Miss or use Ms.

Similarly if you're divorced you can still use Mrs or use Miss or Ms.

Not upto the partner - red flag if he does not like it he knows where the door is!

YANBU - it’s a load of hassle to change your name. I held onto mine because I had used my married name since 21 and at work that was all anyone knew me as and I had a good profile etc. My partner at time (now DH) wanted me to go back to maiden name but I just left it.

I eventually changed my name to my new married name when I married DH.

Its 100% your decision.

Your dad's name is also 'another man's name". Presumably he sees it as a form of ownership as in his partner is still technically owned by another man. Whatever is good going on in his head it's a red flag to be bothered about it and another red flag to try to tell you what to do with you own name. Is this a good relationship in other respects?

Oh dear, you can do so much better than him.

Probe him as to his reasons, pointing out to him how ridiculous he sounds and then give serious thought to getting rid.