AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

It depends how unwell he is someone in the throes, of acute psychosis would be unlikely to be able to consent
But it has nothing to do with their IQ
Personally im advising caution until he has had his section rescinded and is more stable .

Wow, l think you’re going to be alone a very long time if you’re trying to filter out so many variables.

No.

This is people who understand that there's actually a bigger problem that has fuck all to do with being kind.

It's about a reality that you have to be in a good place to have a healthy relationship. Relationships which start with conversations like 'is it a good idea?' are usually not a good idea precisely because you have to ask the question.

Many here will have their own experiences of not being particularly mentally well and starting bad relationships because of that position because they are just happy for someone showing affection/taking time.

That's not stigma. That's recognising poor self esteem and decision making and crappy power dynamics.

He needs time and space on his own on his own terms. Then he will be in a much better position. The same probably applies to you too.

It's not about mental health and the stigma of mental health. It's about healthy decision making at the right time for the right reasons.

Considering dating someone in these circumstances is not healthy decision making at the right time for the right reasons.

No, it does not !! A section only removes the need for consent to necessary medical treatment. Anything outside of that isn’t relevant to the section. You are confusing consent with capacity.

I’m married, so probably not…

Which is why OP stated several pages ago that she wasn’t going to date him, but suggest that they be friends instead.

So you found the perfect spouse then. Congrats.

Yep, OP has stayed on the thread and said as much. Also clarified a few things about the situtation etc.
It seems like no one is reading them 🙄

He’s not perfect, but he doesn’t bring any drama or stress into my life and he enhances (or doesn’t change) any part of my life.

I find it really sad that you’d rather be with someone that detracts from your life (accepting the kids point is personal and you may not see it that way) than be alone.

Not always the case, you can be willing to go, but be considered too high a risk to be voluntary and be sectioned anyway. (I work on a ward.)

Having similar trauma and meeting at a support group is such a red flag. He is currently very unwell (it’s hard to get sectioned).

i’d say be friends for now, get to know more about his situation. And see what he’s like when he’s out - at the moment he’s in a low stress environment, all his needs are being met without him having to make an effort. It’s very different from having all the stresses and pressures of everyday life.

Once you start dating you’ll start to feel obliged and drawn in. Not to say don’t do it - just go in eyes wide open.

As if they don’t go hand-in-hand 🙄

I know dating is a minefield but he’s not my type currently sectioned think you need to step back and leave him to work on himself.

OP, you said that you relate with him as you have some mental struggles as well. My question is: how strong are you emotiomally? Imagine 2 people with mental health issues as 2 people with a leg in a cast. They can't support eachother. How is his support system? Does he have a loving caring family that supports him? Because if he doesen't you will become the default support. Are you willing to sacrifice your own mental health and recovery for his? Because the reality is you most likely will have to if you go in a relationship with him. This is not judgemental, OP, nor mean, I am being realistic and I want you to be realiatic and measure your future relationship prospect against the situation as it is now. Take of your rose tinted glasses and be objective. Good luck!

This 100%.
When i was in a particularly bad patch I met a man who was abusive. In the throes of that horrific relationship I was diagnosed with mental health issues i didnt even have.
Its only now that i am not with him, its recognised that my behaviour at the time was reactive to his abuse. I dont have BPD, i am not bipolar and i dont suffer anywhere near as much with OCD without him around and I no longer have an eating disorder.

He used my vulnerability to abuse me horrifically and coming from a place where I am not particularly vulnerable anymore, I wonder why, or how someone would start a relationship with someone in a position where they are vulnerable unless it is to take advantage of that fact.

I was beginning to think my posts were invisible !

Also do not understand the comments saying I’m preying on him, I’m trying to save him etc etc. I’ve made no reference to such things at all.

You might not have capacity to make decisions about your MH but you can retain capacity to make other decisions (including other medical decisions). Really depends (and can fluctuate).

Yep, I remember reading about how the MHA could be used to force people to have the Covid vaccine. It could not.

Why has he been sectioned? If the reason is treatable then wait to see how he recovers. People who are sectioned are still human and if you like him explore this when he is recovered.

I would bet my last penny that it was though and that people were vaccinated against their will

If he is currently under section, he isn’t in the right state to be dating or making big relationship decisions. I’m not saying doesn’t have capacity - I’m sure he does. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for either of you.

It wasn't though, because the MHA is strictly about MH disorders and the treatment for them.
If you are sectioned, you can refuse treatment for things that are not MH treatments.
You can also make decisions about relationships etc even if they might be unwise.

It absolutely was done to the elderly who had no idea what they were agreeing to.
So I’d have no doubt whatsoever that it was done to those on mental health ward so again didn’t realise what they would be agreeing to and I’m very pro vaccination so I don’t necessarily think it was a bad thing but it definitely happened
Which that makes you wonder what else happens?

Maybe make sure you know what you’re talking about before you eye roll. Consent and capacity are two separate issues and are determined by two separate Acts of Parliament. Sections are issued for various reasons under the Mental Health Act for the protection of the person experiencing mental health issues and for the safety of others where appropriate. Where the person has refused treatment, they allow doctors to detain them as an inpatient and for necessary treatment to be administered. Consent is temporarily set aside for the purposes of medical treatment only. The person retains full consent in all other matters.

The MHA does not examine or assess the person’s capacity for consent - that is the purpose of the Mental Capacity Act, which allows for the assessment of a person’s mental capacity to make their own decisions. They are two distinctly different things. Even when it’s determined that a person has reduced capacity, for example due to the onset of Dementia, the law specifies that all decisions on their behalf must be taken at a suitable time for their optimum involvement.

So no. They do not go hand in hand.

No. It wasn’t. We’re talking about The Mental Health Act here. It gives clinicians the authority section a patient to administer essential treatment for their Mental Health Condition. It could not be used to forcibly administer Covid vaccinations because they are not a part of mental health treatment.

Whether or not a patient has the capacity to make their own decisions is determined by the Mental Capacity Act, and in those cases a clinician would be authorised to make a best interests decision, based on the individual.

Once again, you’re confusing capacity with consent when they are two entirely different issues. Just because someone is sectioned and on a ‘mental health ward’ doesn’t mean they lack the capacity to understand what’s happening to them, and they retain the right to refuse any treatment which does not relate to their mental health.