AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

Apologies I may have described it as group therapy. To clarify It’s a local support network set up by volunteers.

I met him in an Art Therapy session. This is just part of the services on offer.

It’s not a specific mental health group.

I would be wary. You have to be in a pretty bad place to be sectioned. Generally you have to be a danger to yourself or to others but unwilling to have treatment. Due to under funding you have to well and truly over that threshold. I know a person who has been sectioned who would be fine to date but they are through that terrible patch in their lives (marital break up and very stressful job caused break down). My brother has been sectioned many times and he can be very violent. It would be dangerous to date him. That fact that you wrote 'Am I being delusional' in your OP makes me wonder if this isn't just a piss take thread but maybe it is genuine.

I have been in a relationship for nearly a year with a man who spent a month in a MH facility 8 years ago. (Past trauma also, no mental illness.)
He is wonderful. His issues have not disappeared and he still has regular therapy but is extremely open and the most emotionally intelligent person I have ever met.
However, he spent a lot of time working on himself to get to where he is now. There is no way he would have been ready to start dating so fast. It’s the time scale that is a huge red flag in your situation. My advice would be to talk to him about this honestly. Tell him that you want to support him and be a friend but that it is way too soon to think about dating. His response will tell you a lot about how to proceed. Keep an emotional distance for now, enjoy the friendship but continue to live your own life and to prioritize your other friendships, family etc. See how it goes in time. But do be aware that ongoing therapy and a few years of being single is the best course of action for both of you.

OP ignoring some of the comments on here, I think at the moment it wouldn’t be a great idea for both of you. Those who are saying he can’t consent to a relationship right now - bunkum. You don’t know whether he can or can’t - capacity re relationships isn’t contingent on him being detained, it’s down to how his mental health impacts on his ability to make decisions which none of us on here can comment on.
as to why I wouldn’t recommend it right now - he’s going to need your friendship which is solid and grounded far more than a relationship which may or may not be. The assessment and particularly the moving on elements can be really difficult times for people and you may see some changes in him around those times. Adding a new relationship to that will only make things worse. You say he isn’t your usual type so there’s already something that might mean you decide not to continue the relationship and that could be a very tricky situation to navigate so for his sake I’d say stay friends for now.
for your benefit I’d have a good think about what the future might look like with him. Has he been detained before, why was he detained (someone detained due to a mental health breakdown after the loss of someone very close to them is likely to have a very different post-discharge life than someone who has been detained several times or doesn’t take their medication leading to deterioration - how does he not only plan to but actually manage his condition on release

Just be a friend first.

He needs a friend first.

Have you got children?

Excuse me, what?! Having a mental illness does not automatically make you mentally incompetent on non medical issues.
Probably not the best idea though OP

Being sectioned does in fact

It doesn't, but you have to have a mental disorder so severe that your treatment must be given in hospital, and it must be necessary to detain you for your health, safety, or the protection of other people.

If this person could be converted to a voluntary admission, they would be. If the section could be ended, it would be. So they are still quite unwell.

You can’t actually date him if he is currently under section, can you? How would that work when he can’t leave the ward? You could visit him as a friend, but it would be beyond grim to try to shag in his room or something (people do it but it is grim).

Visit him as a friend and if that goes well, start a relationship once he is out of hospital.

Someone detained under the MHA is often granted leave as they start to get better
And leave is often increased
Obviously nobody on here knows what stage this man is in his recovery but its entirely possible to leave the ward whilst being on a section.

Nothing to do with the ops question but for those interested read the guidance on the mental capacity act lots of stigmatising views on mental health and capacity on this thread. On the question I would definitely focus on friendship not a relationship.If I was your mum or sister I would be concerned tread carefully.

The MCA isn’t the relevant legislation here - it’s the Mental Health Act.

Leave can be for a weekend.

Having been sectioned and also a voluntary patient I’d say to leave this as friends for now.

I was sectioned in January 2025, released April 2025, and started dating my boyfriend in October 2025. On our first date I told him about my mental health issues briefly so he had a get out clause if he wanted it. I’m due to come off my last medication fluoxetine soon and that will be the last medication.

Mental health board might be a better place for this post.

Yes i know and it can be weeks at a time i used to be a mental health nurse
But i agree to leave it as friends for now.

It may not be the relevant legislation but the point is that lots of posters mistakenly think it is. The MHA allows for the treatment of patients under section without their consent - the actual capacity for consent isn’t assessed. The MCA addresses mental capacity, which is an entirely different issue, and lots of posters are confusing the two.

You can be very unwell and be a voluntary patient.
When I have been assessed under the MHA, I get asked if I would be willing to go into hospital. You can be very very unwell, but if you are willing to go in then you wont get sectioned. Being sectioned is horrible as you have far less rights than someone who goes willingly, not least the prospect of being physically restrained and medicated.

I met my DP at a similar one (was a group where we have tea and biscuits and play games). A social group for people with MH issues, but not a therapy group and not aimed at any particular diagnosis. Many people met partners there, and most made friends. There were no rules about forming relationships.

I also go to an art focussed one, and there is a man there who is an inpatient (I think he is under section as he always has a member of staff from the ward with him). He is very talented, and if you sit and chat with him, you would have no idea he is currently an inpatient, and it would be a surprise to many.

I find it sad that posters on here think that he must not be able to consent to anything just because he under a section. MH sectioning if for the treatment of MH disorders. He can refuse anything else (and make decisions) about anything else that is not related to his illness. Other posters make it sound like his IQ dropped sharply and he does not know what a relationship is.

No. I’d rather live my life alone than fall in love with someone with such severe mental health issues that they’re going impair my own standard of living - even if that’s just from time to time.

I only want a partner that’s going to add to my life, not someone who will both add and detract, so I wouldn’t string him along.

And this isn’t just a health thing - I’d also dismiss anyone with kids, interfering family members, addiction issues… the list goes on.

How many more red flags do you need? Can ypu really think this will work? Isn't there other people you can find to date?

They have red lags for a reason, they talk about noticing them more for a reason

No this is not a good idea

This. If he’s still under section then he’ll be very poorly, OP. The threshold for sectioning in the UK is very very high, as there are so few beds. Do you know how long he’s been in hospital? A section 2 is up to 28 days for assessment. A section 3 is up to 6 months for longer term treatment that cannot be looked after in the community. If he’s been on section 3 for a long time (it seems like it from your post), then he will be long term chronically unwell. You could end up becoming his carer, or bounce around with him from crisis to crisis, which will take its toll on your own mental health.

I’m not saying this in a judgmental way. There are so many people with severe and enduring mental health illness that have successful relationships, but it adds a layer of stress onto you that will be incredibly hard. Especially if he’s poorly enough to be on section.

He should not be starting a relationship.

He isn't in a state where it's healthy for him.

He's fixating on you as being his saviour rather than sorting his own shit out first. You are the relief and escape from reality.

Except reality doesn't go away. You will be his emotional crutch and if you are unhappy and want to end the relationship, he will not cope with it and will suggest and he won't be able to cope without you.

None of this is healthy.

Equally from your side, you are looking at this from exactly that saviour complex mentally. The idea that you will make all the difference and can help him. Nope the only person who can help him is him. And until he gets this he will only go round and round in circles with his mental health.

Again not healthy thinking from you.

Run for the hills. The power dynamics and emotional starting point are seriously fucked from the word go. It will not produce a healthy relationship.

Agree. There’s been a lot of talk about capacity, which is entirely different to consent. A section under the MHA temporarily removes the need for consent for necessary treatment. The actual capacity for decision making is not examined or assessed by the MHA - that’s the purpose of the Mental Capacity Act. It’s an important distinction and one which is clearly not well understood here, judging by some of the views expressed on the thread.

Not your type and sectioned?
Maybe you deserve better op.