AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

You seem to be arguing with everyone who says no or not until he's out and healed enough. Not sure why you posted tbh.

Yes I have children.

Please show me one example of me arguing with people.

Well you need to act like a decent mother, put them first, and forget all about this man.

I personally would say don't go there. I hot involved with a lovely man who had mental health isdues. I met him when he was well, but in just over two years he had 2 long episodes of being unwell. It was heart breaking. It nearly broke me. It didn't end well. When he was well it was wonderful. Nearly 5 years after it ended I am still not back to the true me.

I went on a date with a man once Who announced somewhere between the main course and desert that he was in therapy and receiving help with his mental health and the psychiatrist had made it very clear that he should not be dating for a good 12 months whilst in therapy
So I did the decent thing and stepped back
Within six months, he’d married somebody
And within 12 months he had unalived himself.
it turns out these psychiatrists know what they’re talking about

Is he single? Does he have baggage like kids, divorce etc, do you think he’ll relapse based on what he has been sectioned for?

No, I'm not confused. It is generally not considered appropriate to date within a support group, probably to protect vulnerable people who wouldn't be there if they didn't need support.

This particular circumstance shows a particularly vulnerable man who @babypickles created a thread about dating him, but then isn't dating him and seems to be ignoring advice not to date a man who is sectioned especially as she has children so can't see relationships being encouraged in this support group..

This is what I was alluding to, what ElizabethReed said. It is tragic for the unwell person and debilitating for those left behind. I would not go there at all.

To the posters saying 'I dated someone with mental health problems' - that is not in any way similar to being on a current section under the Mental Health Act.

OP it's pretty standard for support groups to have boundaries around no relationships between group members.

You don’t even know what the support group was for a kick off.

Ive not ignored any advice either. I’ve stated that I’m going to talk to him and suggest we remain just friends.

I thought this was the case too.

The threshold to be involuntarily sectioned is extremely high. He will have to be very sure to be an imminent risk to himself or others.

If he has agreed to inpatient treatment rather than being involuntarily sectioned he is still likely to be very vulnerable. I wouldnt consider it for his sake as well as yours. If it doesnt go well then he isnt likely to be in a mental state to handle the rejection.

No, these conditions tend to be relapsing remitting. He may get better for a bit but then he'll relapse again. Financially, emotionally, practically - all would be very difficult.

While I believe everyone deserves a normal life and a chance, for him to be sanctioned it means his condition is incredibly serious. If things develop, you are not just signing up for good looks and personality- you sign up for his diagnosis too, the potential of relapse, and consequences of his illness.

Are you prepared to accept this? Are you looking for long-term relationship in which case all of the above and future plans needs to be considered? If his condition doesn’t fit your future, you are putting your time, energy and potentially heart on the line for something doomed. If you want some fun, and you feel safe, then it may not matter.

I understand, the guilt of saying no and feeling bad. But it is your life. I chatted to someone once who was very secretive about his health and was saying he wouldn’t disclose until after a 3rd date. I explained that if his health condition didn’t align with what I want for myself, then it wouldn’t matter if he told me now or after 10 days - I would walk, and so I prefer not to waste my time. He was still in rehab after having a brain tumour. Despite my sympathies - I declined a date - I cannot deal with this in a new relationship. He told me to fuck off, that I am a bitch etc. I made the right decision.

What I mean is only you know what you want, and if what you want is this date.

Don't you aspire to more, in a partner?
I'm slightly amazed by this

yabu he is unwell and needs to heal himself before being emotionally available.

What were you in group therapy for?

So tell us. What was the support group that both you and someone who had been sectioned were attending?

What ?? @AmberTigerEyes this is a massive leap. People who are detained can make decisions you know!

Except in this case you weren’t taking the lead from the person with the MH condition, because that person is not here, you were applying an inappropriate and derogatory term. I was a disability outreach worker for over twenty years and didn’t tiptoe around anything. You wouldn’t disrespect someone with a physical disability in the same way (at least l hope you wouldn’t), so why should MH conditions be any different ?

Are you saying that having a MH problem makes you a lesser person somehow ?

What support group did you meet him in? Do you have MH issues yourself?

It’s a social setting for people to engage for various reasons. People often make solid connections. I’ve met and maintained friendships from the group. I originally joined because I was new to this area and it’s a good way of meeting people.

OP didn’t say she was in group therapy. She said it was a support group. Two very different things.