AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

I would think you would be far better to forget about him and date someone you actually know and can trust.

Why ? OP has already said he has no diagnosis and was sectioned because of a single incident - a breakdown. Many people have a single mental health incident and go on to live perfectly ‘normal’ lives. He’s clearly allowed out as they met at an external support group which is likely part of his rehabilitation. Because someone has been sectioned or has had mental health issues doesn’t automatically make them a danger to children or anyone else. and the suggestion that OP would knowingly put her children at risk is insulting. Especially as she’s said several times that she’s decided on friendship for now.

Why can’t you trust someone who has had a mental health problem ? Why does having a breakdown somehow make you untrustworthy ?

All utterly utterly irrelevant to me.

Not a chance I’m introducing in to the lives of my children someone who has such serious mental health issues that they have been sectioned and remain under community care.

Don’t give a hoot if that’s not PC or not. When it comes to my children… political correctness goes out the window. I do what is best for them.

And what he has told the Op re the circumstances surrounding his sectioning…. How does she even know that’s the truth.

* ? OP has already said he has no diagnosis and was sectioned because of a single incident - a breakdown. *

a) we don’t know if he’s telling the truth
b) a “breakdown” isn’t a “single incident”

That’s fine - a personal choice and I applaud it. What I take issue with is the assumption that because this man has had a mental health problem he is automatically a danger to children. Mental health issues and reasons for sectioning are many and varied. We don’t know the full circumstances - OP does, so she’s really the only one who can make the determination as to whether her children would be at risk or not.

Ah, so anyone sectioned can't be trusted now?

I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything about danger (although who knows…. Does it occur to you that he might not be telling the truth around the circumstances of his sectioning?). It’s the possibility of drama that I find the most galvanising force behind my position on this.

No. Just no.

a) Having a mental health problem doesn’t automatically make you a liar. He needn’t have said anything about being sectioned at all, but chose to share it with OP.
b) A breakdown can be a single event in someone’s life and they can go on to live a ‘normal’ life, whatever that is. Sectioning is safeguarding, not a prison sentence. The fact that so many posters are treating it as similar and assuming that the person represents a threat is really depressing.

I don’t think OP was thinking of jumping in and bringing him to live with her and her kids the minute he’s released from the section, so I don’t see the issue. She’s already said she only intends friendship at this stage. I totally agree that her first priority is her children, but I don’t subscribe to the view that because this man has had mental health problems he automatically represents a danger.

If anyone reads the regular threads here about the desperate need for more/better MH services and often cases where the person clearly should be sectioned and aren’t, surely it’s clear that being sectioned is not something easily done.
Off all the men in the world this is who OP thinks could be a potential partner to bring into her kids lives?
Starting off a relationship with these issues against you with someone who is not her type reeks of a complete lack of judgement by OP.
Surprised at ppl agreeing and defending this.

Seems like it. The push in recent years to de-stigmatise mental health is obviously lost on MN.

Sweet jesus

You are jumping on shadows.

The op barely knows the man, so trusting completely anyone’s version of anything at such an early stage of knowing them would be daft.

A breakdown is not a single event. So you’re saying that this would involve no build up whatsoever , just suddenly he did something so incredibly concerning and completely out of no where that he was sectioned? Of course not. There would have been a slow and steady build up of behaviours

@DotAndCarryOne2 didn’t need to tell OP?
he’s currently an in patient having been sectioned and they met at a support group!!

I wouldn’t introduce the possibility of
someone in to the lives of my children only because I deem them dangerous for goodness sakes. My benchmark is somewhat higher than “is someone dangerous or not”

Which was not in a hospital setting. OP clarified upthread it was an art therapy session.

So this was a recreational activity containing sectioned in patients and members of the general public?

or was the op receiving therapy herself?

My cousin did, he spent his life in and out of the facility and also gained a drug addiction, and along the way, emptied their bank accounts. Ended up living on the streets for 5 years and died of an overdose, he loved her but had no interest in their children.

If you read my comments you will find out.

Try reading OP’s updates and you’ll find out. It’s all there. OP says it was an art therapy class - a support group, and her friend isn’t confined to the hospital. Sections don’t mean straightjackets and padded cells.

OK then. I give up. I’m at a loss to know what you’re saying because your point seems to be the safeguarding of the children. My point is that a breakdown can occur for a variety of reasons and doesn’t necessarily indicate that there will be any ongoing problems. Of course OP needs to take it slow and get to know him before jumping in. Which is what she’s said several times now, but clearly you haven’t read the updates.

Bizarre. Nothing to “give up”

arts therapy class would surely indicate that it’s for people seeking art as a form of therapy rather than just purely recreational. So perhaps the Op is suffering from mental health issues herself

Sectioned patients are not always confined to the wards ,they are given periods of leave as their mental health starts to improve
Years ago in the mental health trust I used to work for there was a day hospital where both inpatients and out patients used to mix for activities
It closed down ,but there maybe other activities people with mental health issues csn access.