Wedding Aftermath

[Greenhairedmonstor]

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

I think its wrong to invite half a family to a wedding and exclude one or two children. I also wouldn't seat a 9 year old away from their parents on a table of strangers, although it may have been difficult for the B&G to reorganise tables. You worked things out as best you could and simply ignore your SIL.

Nah who on earth seats someone’s children on a different table? Why would you even do that. If I couldn’t accommodate them together then I would’ve said so and gone along with you not going.

What would you have done?

I would have gone to my dh's family wedding without my children as they are no relation to the B&G.

And I don't think you are alone in that attitude.

But I'm not really suggesting it should be about "what the guests want" as much as keeping things celebratory, rather than the petri dish of dissent they seem to have become.

There is a generation (a half-slip behind mine) that thinks the meaning of life is "All About Me and What I Want and Making Sure I Damn Well Get It," and I'm not sure it brings as much real happiness to them as they imagine.

They were still sitting with their dad. OP went to sit with her child.

Op originally asked one of her step kids to move though so her dd could have their spot.

That wasn't fair of her.

He said no, which he was entitled to do, so OP simply swapped with her son and sat with her DD.. She saw the need to be with her DD and acted on it. Nothing for him to be annoyed about.

Depends on how much drama was displayed at the switch and at what point of the meal re how much kerfuffle it caused the staff!

Just all so bad mannered. Blag more invites that mess around with place settings.
I bet none of them will get invited to anything again.

Blimey! Your husband was incredibly rude wangling an invitation for two more people! Weddings are SUPER expensive per head, and this means that an already generous (and expensive!) invitation for four family members, was extended to a family of 6…just wow! 😲

Then, to compound the rudeness, your child couldn’t behave, and you tried to make others accommodate this, by asking them to move!

Utterly astonishing behaviour all round really OP! YABVVU!! And rude!

Personally, I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation in the first place. If my kids couldn’t be treated as family they call all fuck off!

Of course he had a choice its an invitation not a summons and they should expect that not all the family will be able to attend if you don't invite ALL the family

But they wouldn’t have been sitting with their dad, they would have had to move to the different table to accommodate the op’s child.

Disagree. OP's children are not necessarily 'family' to or 'known' to the relatives on OP's husband's side. The fact they were invited after the husband asked about it was was kind, and they found them someplace to sit. What's rude is being unhappy that everyone wasn't moved around to accommodate them and asking an actual family member (husband's child) to move to accommodate them.

Came in to say just this…..x

Get a grip fgs. I'm one of 4 and when we were kids often only one of us got to go to the wedding because six from one family was too much and unaffordable. People are so bloody entitled these days

I agree with this.

Sounds like you are “that family”

You refuse an invitation because kids aren’t invited - how odd.

Then DH complains / explains to groom and his arm is twisted so your DCs are invited.

Then your 9 year old is disrespectful and disruptive getting up and down - so much so that staff have to intervene.

Then you think it appropriate to reward her bad behaviour / poor manners by punishing your SC who is blood in this family and the priority - fortunately he has some boundaries and stays with his father, sibling etc.

Then you move seats to accommodate the rude 9 year old (surely she can sit on a seat at school all day).

Then you attempt to validate all of your impolite and poor social skills from your initial flounce, to your DH overstepping, the your DD disruptive and disrespectful behaviour by suggesting she was “distressed”.

No wonder your SIL was off with you. What a mess.

I think it's time to engineer more (safe) opportunities for your 9 year old to interact with adults so she can cope better the next time this kind of thing happens. She can learn about safe enough topics of conversation and how to get people to talk to her and so on.

All the rest of this would have been fine if she'd been able to sit and eat the meal confidently.

(Worth checking with her and her brother that nobody on the table was being nasty while you couldn't hear it)

Agree @independentfriend some dc and their parents do need to have interactions where it becomes clear that they are not the focal point of everything

Bride and groom were super rude to only invite half a family. But I would have just swapped seats to start with. Seating plans are a nightmare.

We are all entitled to our own opinions!

@KmcK87 , Bride and groom were super rude to only invite half a family.
It was half a blended family. The children could have been at their father's.
It doesn't sound like the OP's children even wanted to be there.

At 9 and 12 I would have either told dc to sit down just for the meal or I’d have sat with dd at the table and swapped like you did - but that would have been my go-to rather than last. Basically your dh and his dc were invited and you were his plus one who insisted your dc also came. How embarrassing. Did your dc even know the bride or groom?

Nailed it.