Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

Too bad if she gets upset . Tell her your cats are very traumatised after her visits and you can't put them through that in their owm home anymore so the dog has to stay at home or you will visit her.

It barks all the time - that’s why I call it stupid

you missed the point of my post….

You’re being far too implicit and she hasn’t got the hint so be more direct!

all friend and family who have dogs have wooden or tiled floors in most rooms downstairs. We have carpet everywhere.

Yes

I’m a dog person but I’d never dream of taking my dogs round to a house where cats live, it’s not fair on the poor cats! YABU for not telling your friend that ger dog couldn’t come in from the first time she tried it. You even move that cats’ stuff out of the way, what the hell? Stop being so passive and look after your cats properly! Clearly trying to psychically communicate and relying on your friend to pick up on your feelings is not working, so bloody tell her.

Well if you keep accommodating her dog by shutting your cats away etc then she obviously doesn’t realise it’s such a big problem for you. Just tell her!

I think you have to weigh it up.

Her potential upset v your actual increasing upset (which increases with every visit)

You have told her so many times that you have to lock the cats away.
Most people would take the hint.

She either doesn't listen to you or hears you but doesn't care. And I think that this is beginning to annoy you more than the actual dog. So you've got nothing to lose and will gain a bit of peace of mind.

Ask yourself why her potential upset trumps yours (sorry to use the word trump)

Why should she over react to a reasonable, clearly worded request? If she does then she is being very unreasonable.

Thanks for your posts. I think ultimately I’m kind of upset that she must know I’d rather the dog doesn’t come but has never even asked. I will have to say please don’t bring it. Rather than her asking - can I bring him? She just brings the dog along. It seems to be a pattern with some dog owners - they think it is societies requirement to accommodate them. If you own a dog and just bring it everywhere without asking I bet you have some friends or family who feel exactly the same as me.

Same here! It’s not the dogs fault

OP, you are very unreasonable to be this angry when you haven’t actually asked your friend not to bring her dog to your house

you are also very unreasonable for calling the dog stupid as if it’s at fault here. It isn’t

People aren't mind readers. Just tell her the cats are stressed and the advice from the vets is not to have dogs in the house. No one could be offended by that.

You send a message, such as "Hi Julie, next time you come round and for the foreseeable future, please could you leave Bongo at home? XXX Sally"

Well apart from my MIL who got highly offended when SIL said similar and insisted on sitting in the garden with her dog rather than go in their house without him 🤣 But most people wouldn't be offended!

I have an indoor cat and she would be terrified so fully on your side here. She should be more mindful. Plus it’s rude to turn up to another persons house with a pet without asking beforehand.

United YABU because you haven't done the sensible thing by telling her not to bring her dog to your house irrespective of if she will get upset or not.

And yes she is massively unreasonable to think she can take her dog to anyone's house at will and if it's the fact you have cats who you have to lock up etc. you need to tell her or only meet outdoors going forward.

I guess my point is that you understand their preferences and voluntarily don’t inflict your dog on them. I bet you ask if you can when ever you take your dog, rather than assume it’s a given - that’s the difference.

That's two posters now suggesting you say the vet has advised you on this.
Please don't try to beef it up with a lie. So stupid.

Just ask her to leave the dog at home because your cats need to be shut away and it distresses them. Don't embellish things when you don't have to...it's always obvious and there really is no need.

I mean I completely agree with all your reasons for not having a dog in your house and first and foremost I think no one should be obliged to let family/friends’ dogs in their house and dog owners should always ask if it’s ok.

However you’re incredibly unreasonable to moan about it when you just put up with it and never actually tell her straight that you don’t want her dog in your house (hints don’t count).

If you can’t brave doing it face to face then before she comes over next time, send a text saying “I’m sorry but please don’t bring the dog when you come over, it really stresses me out every time, thanks for being understanding”.

That’s your take out from the thread?

How's she supposed to guess this, put your big girl pants on and tell her. You can suggest meeting somewhere else.

Your take out is that I said “stupid dog”? Really.

Why don't you tell your friend NO DOG

I voted YABU because you simply haven't told her DONT BRING YOUR DOG INTO MY HOME

She doesn't give a fuck about your cats welfare or your preference not to have a dog in your home so why on earth are you so afraid of hurting her feelings?

She can leave the dog at her home or you can go to her house, or meet up elsewhere.

Put your Big Girl Pants on and tell her straight

its great to hear other people’s opinion; this is why I love MN. I ask before I do anything in other people’s houses. I would never just show up with a dog and would always ask first. .