What fresh hell is this

[eggsandsourdough]

High school!!

DD started last year and jesus fucking christ what a rollercoaster.

The transition has been absolutly brutal, not so much for my DD in the sense she made a huge group of friends but the sheer drama, behaviour,shocking stories.

My lovely, kind empathetic grl has turned into a monster.

I was not ready!! What a humbling experience.

Retired Scottish secondary school teacher here.

S2. That's all I'm saying...S2. whimpers

Yes, I was 17 when I started university. It didn't feel it at the time, but I was far too young looking back! My kids are summer babies, which means they will turn 18 the summer they finish high school. That's another key difference isn't it, because unlike in England they will not be amongst the youngest in their year group.

PS

Keep DD away from Snapchat, if possible.

I've twins boy and girl due to start in September. This thread isn't helping!

DS1 is nearly finished, one more year. He is already 18 and secondary school has gone well for him. No friendships dramas and he is a good student. But he was a little shit from the age of about 9 so the bar was very low. When his friends parents were pulling their hair out with bratty 14 yr olds I was so used to it that I hardly noticed the change. Since about 17 the difficult behaviour abated. It helped that we were liberal (relatively) and he had well behaved friends so we rarely said no to things. Maybe it was parenting fatigue. When every little moment involves an argument you tend to give in easier for a peaceful life. We got lenient on screen time and going to teen discos or out in town, luckily it paid off and he was very responsible and always texted as agreed or came home on time. Never drank much or took substances. Works his ass off at school and is very ambitious and self motivated. I don't think I've ever told him to go study. I wish I could take credit for the nice lad he has turned into but i honestly feel so much of it was luck. Living in a nice area has a lot to do with it. It's neither rough nor snobby and the local school and area is full of ordinary middle income families with very little trouble.

Wait til year 9 … hell on earth, starts to improve after that … marginally

Parent of a year 8 here (Scottish S2 according to google) and all I can say is… HELP ME! 🤯

He used to be such a sweet boy (and no I’m not biased, everyone said it wherever we went, he was super popular in primary and every primary teacher LOVED him) but now I swear he’s watched Kevin and Perry and must think it’s a documentary that’s shown him how he should be leading his life!!

I found my boys were absolutely fine, my DD on the other hand - never thought I'd miss the toddler years but here we are!

My sympathies, I have one in year 8 and another going into year 7 in September. It’s been a ride so far with my eldest. Year 7 was up and down, some minor friendship issues at one point, didn’t always do homework so got a few detentions for that but all pretty standard as they get used to the new environment. Year 8 has been awful so far, lots of behavioural issues, detentions, isolations, comms with the school. Won’t go into the details as I have a thread on it elsewhere but we’re now looking into moving her for a fresh start.

I’m dreading the youngest starting there, but she’s excited as all her friends are going. I worry she won’t cope, she seems way younger and less mature than older dd was going into year 7, but I’m sure she will surprise me. I just hope things go a little smoother for her than dd1.

Im thankful to have boys tbh, DS currently in year 8 and apart from refusing a haircut, shower dodging and grumpiness that he usually apologises for when he’s thought about it, we’re relatively unscathed.
My friend though has a girl 4 weeks older, same school and it’s practically drama everyday, someone’s always falling out with someone, she was teased at first for wearing something that wasn’t cool (no idea) and one girl in particular seemed to make it her mission to make everyone’s life a misery by pulling strings of the people around them. Her year 7 experience was awful, although settled somewhat now.
Im keeping everything crossed for an easy ish life 😬🥴

Teacher here. Year 9 is always the worst. Plus the last bit of Year 8 if they're early starters! Most of them start to grow up a bit in Year 10. Dd was ok - she didn't really hang out with a 'BFFs one minute, screaming rows the next' kind of crowd. I work in a girls' school and there's some drama but definitely less than in mixed schools I've worked in.

Oh yes year 9 is the trenches. It gets better after that generally.

Is that because they moved out? 😁

After picking my crying year 6 DD (ASD) up from school because of a manipulative little bully turning her best friend against her(!) and now having read this thread, I’m now strongly considering home schooling her for high school as I cannot have her going through this alongside her autism, she won’t cope! She just won’t. Shit

This has made me nostalgic, I taught high school, mainly KS4 for decades. I miss the sweet aroma of Lynx Africa, with undertones of chlorine after swimming lessons. The drama and fallout, the brilliant excuses why homework wasn’t done, my favourite was, “I wrote my essay Miss, it was in the back of the car, and just as dad pulled up to drop me off, a car hit the back of us, so the police came and dad used my essay to write the details down.” This was news to dad, when I called him later!

🤣🤣🤣
It’s been wonderful for all of us.
My relationship with Dd improved dramatically when we had a bit of distance between us, but university was wonderful for her too because it gave her the chance to start again with a different friendship group.

My son is in Year 10, and I haven't seen any massive changes in his behaviour/attitude, to be honest....now hoping I haven't spoken too soon!!! 🤣😱

DC started Year 7 in September. The transition has been tough. We have already dealt with a good deal of bullying - to be fair I couldn't have asked for better responses from the school - but kids that age can be thoroughly brutal to each other. This is especially the case the moment they perceive a child is 'different', and DC is ASD and not great at reading social cues which they use to his maximum disadvantage.

DC spent the whole of his first term thinking his entire form despised him. He now seems to be settling in and making a few friends, which is a relief. But he's having a bad time on the bus of all places at the hands of older girls, and in his own form some boys are shoving about and getting in his face (neurodiverse people really can't bear this) - and using the DARVO technique of riling and riling him, then squealing victim if they get a bite. I've spoken to one of the two heads of year who is well aware these kids have that approach down to a fine art.

DC is pretty stoic. He's styled it out with a lot of grace, but I feel sad for him having to deal with this on a daily basis. He now doesn't see any friends out of school at all, despite my gentle attempts to get him together with old friends from primary.

The good news is that despite his difficulties with social interaction he's flying academically, despite his SEN (Dyslexia and dyspraxia as well as ASD). He has that well-known autistic hyper-focus which helps in that respect, and the school seems to be taking its commitment to SEN seriously, inviting in families of SEN children for regular meetings.

I've seen the word 'manipulative' used upthread, which comes as no surprise to me. It's amazing just how devious kids this young can be. You have to wonder where they learn it.

At the school my father was a headteacher of (not UK) they actually had an entirely separate campus for Year 9s. Because of this.

However- as he always said- it's utter bloody hell with a teenager for a few years. But mostly they come out the other side vaguely human.

As a teen I never told my mum anything. Yet my y9 dd likes to tell me about every single bit of drama thats going on i try so hard to pretend to be interested and to care but honestly I just want to say stop being such bitches to each other and life might improve but I think they actually enjoy the drama. I don't have this issue with my boys they just get on with it.

This is so true. It’s not even gender specific either. It’s all of them!

Try working as a Welfare Manager in a large Comprehensive….

Year 9 is brutal. The kids are feral!! Take me back to the toddler years!! All is forgiven!

In the same position with asd y6 dd and seriously considering doing the same as you. I have also worked in secondary and still do sometimes so I think I’ve got a pretty realistic view of it.

My lovely DD just never seemed to fit in at high school, she didn't seem to make any new friends and lost the ones she had in primary. She wasn't disliked by people and never seemed upset about it especially, it upset me far more really. A couple of years later she started attending Saturday morning music lessons at the local conservatoire and made some friends there who were a bit older than her. Looking back I shouldn't have stressed about it. I think she's just more of a loner than I can personally understand, more like her Dad. In a sense she was rather drama free.

The thing that I was unprepared for is just how much they seemed to find me suddenly so irritating. I have DD 18 and DS 15 and they both act like they think I’m the most annoying and embarrassing person they have ever met. I am friendly to their friends, liberal, interested, positive, encouraging, not clingy, all the things I wish my mum had been, and it still appeared that from year 8 I was unbearable. DD better these days, but only because she doesn’t live at home. Sad times.