AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

What was his reaction when you said no?

I would say the same I think, it doesn’t need encouraging imo.

Why on earth not? Unless you would turn down the request from th same aged girl on tb grounds that they are bad for young feet.

I voted yanbu before reading and I assumed it was for your dd.
They are garbage for foot support so on that basis alone its a no from me....

Girls' and boys' feet are not the same. Nothing wrong with making that clear at a young age.

I would tell him no because alley flat are bad for your feet. I will also tell my daughter the same thing.

YANBU. It’s actually ok (though a bit unfashionable) to discourage boys from wearing clothes made for girls. It’s ok for them to know that they are different. Equal, but different.

@HannahW2768 I really hate the “they’re for girls” thing 🙄🙄 I have a DS the same age and he picks and wears what he likes - what’s the issue with it?!

That being said - I would have said no to the ballet flats for both boys and girls on the grounds that they’re terrible for little feet & completely impractical for playing in 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh god this.
Just say no

They are terrible on anyone

In what way are six year old boy's feet different to six year old girls' feet?

Ballet flats probably aren't good for any children's feet but I'm sure a well fitted pair of shoes designed for either gender would be absolutely fine on the other in terms of foot health.

I think you’ve done the right thing.

Not something I would encourage and not something I would want him to be picked on or bullied for. It would be a simple no.

Plenty of shoes in the boys section for boys. There is nothing wrong with saying it as it is.

I think, like others, I'd probably have gone with 'these are for mummy not for you' - it's a bit weird to say 'people may not like you wearing them' and I don't think I would encourage a child to think other people get to influence how they dress (mainly because it's bloody pain when you get to the 'oh but everyone else gets to wear these mum!' stage).

I doubt many shoe shops sell ballet flats for children, so you'd likely struggle anyway.

Chances are he'd be just as happy with a pair of black plimsolls or similar, don't you think? Or you could ask him what he liked about them - it might be it was the colour or the little bow or something totally trivial. I remember DD desperately wanting to wear my bra when she was younger than your DS, and it turned out what she actually wanted was the little metal 'b' tag (Debenhams Ted Baker, remember?!) hanging off it, so I just snipped it off and let her keep it.

I thought this was going to be about foot health for 5 year olds and read it for advice as I’d like to refuse requests like that from my dd if she starts making them, because they aren’t supportive shoes for active play.

what about the canvas plimsoll / sandshoe type? We have them in lots of nice prints for boys and girls

You are the adult. You make the choices!

So if a girl wanted to wear trainers she should be told no they are for boys you have to wear pink and ''girlie'' shoes only?

I’m pretty sure they are the same??? In what way are they different? Ballet flats are no good for children of either sex.

I'd say no. They have no support or structure. A hindrance to playing, restrict running and are unsafe.

I would have a look for some simple slip on plimsolls like these.

They are wider on average.

And according to Google "boys' shoes are generally designed with a wider last, greater foot volume, and flatter, broader toe boxes compared to girls' shoes"

Terrible shoes for girls or boys of that age.

should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

"Should" parents buy everything their children want just because they want it unless there's a reason not to?

How about "no, we're not buying shoes for you today"?

No need to go into any further detail, surely.

ETA, just to add that if you were to have got him a pair then yes, "in his size" would definitely have been optimal.

But...but...they might make him trans!!!!! Fate worse than death on here.
Reminds me of "boys playing house will make them gay" from the 50s. Exact same playbook.

I'd say no on the basis they are really impractical and terrible for your (his) feet.