AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

1. Not all ballet flats are pink
2. Pink isn't just for girls
3. What do you think male ballet dancers wear?

I voted Yanbu on the basis that ballet flats are not supportive enough for a 6 year old’s feet.

So be a good little boy and conform ?

That's what you're teaching

"Don't step outside the box because the world might be cruel. It's not the bully's fault they are being cruel, it's yours for daring to express yourself"

As somene who has fitted childrens shoes for over 20 years tere is very little difference between boys feet and girls feet except boys are slightly wider on average. That said you can have girls with wide feet and boys with narrow. Clarks do kids trainers in many different colours and the size doesn't change just because it's pink or blue.
I have wide feet and often wear mens trainers as they fit better. As long as the shoes fit then it wouldn't bother me what the style was.
That said I wouldn't put slip on shoes on a child that small as they will not fit and are not good for running around in. If there is decent growing room they will slip and otherwise will last 5 mins. You don't want them gripping the shoes with their toes to keep them on as they will get calluses on the tops of their toes and could permanently damage growing feet.

I think I'd do the same, except I would pay £40 - I'd get him a pair second hand

It's worth understanding that boys and girls will always want to wear what they want, and the ones who aren't allowed by very strict parents are going to be the ones who really "wish they were the opposite sex" in order to do those things.

So, I'd allow it. You don't want your child wanting a BODY change just to wear certain clothes/shoes.

I came on thinking you were talking about a girl, and still would've said its a waste of money as theyre impractical for playing and not supportive for walking far.
Get him some crocs if he wants some slip on shoes for the garden.

🤣🤣🤣

So much depressing engrained sexism on this thread.

I hope no one saying no to them is gender critical!

this. I have got extraordinarily wide feet. When I was a small child, some 65 years ago, the winter school shoes all the other girls had were too narrow for me so I had "boys' s shoes" The best pair I had were Bata Wayfinders with a compass hidden in the inside of the heel of the shoe. I am neither gay nor trans.

PS https://elht.nhs.uk/services/integrated-therapy-service/common-early-years-conditions/common-early-years-conditions

Well said!

My son loves pink. Proper hot pink, loves it! Yes people have made comments, and they have been hurtful. So we discuss how all through life there will be a percentage of people who take issue with the hair/clothes/job/house/whatever of others and ultimately everyone has a choice. You can conform to their opinion/societal expectations or you can say 'I like this and it's okay for me to like it, you're welcome to your opinion but I disagree'. I remember a friend of mine being admonished by an old lady for dressing her baby daughter in blue. My friends response was 'but you're wearing blue'!

I've offered that he can switch from his hot pink rain coat to something more school colours, but he's decided that he likes his coat and so why not. Not breaking any school rules, and means he's visible by the road.

Proudest day ever when someone told me he'd responded to being asked if he was a girl (due to the coat) with something along the lines of that he likes it and that doesn't stop him being a boy, but then followed it up with something about this kids older sister being able to kick both their butts (she's really into kickboxing) and how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing (not verbatim what was said, I wasn't there, but that was the vibe). This is the type of human I want to raise, content in themselves, understanding that not everyone will like what you do and then choosing what to do and not do based on their own decisions. Sod the bullies.

The negative 'Like a girl' narrative starts so young.

s

Still would have vetoed the ballet flats though, for DS or DD. Naff all support or grip.

how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing

I think this bit is extra important

Why is a boy wearing pink/"girly" clothes being called a girl an insult? Because being a girl is a bad thing?

This thread is depressingly encouraging this opinions

Same as PP say, ballet flats are pretty bad for your feet so I wouldn't be buying them for myself and definitely not for a child whose feet are still developing, whether that's a boy or a girl.
If they were another type of shoe with good support for young feet, yes - I'd buy them if he wanted them - I'm not sure most people would actually notice!

For the slow ones on here.... A boy wearing ballet shoes is not the same as a girl wearing a blue t-shirt or football shoes.

And while no one wants to be rigid or forceful with what is and isn't 'allowed' for the sexes, how about some standards, still? We're not in the gender-neutral dystopian equity blob yet.

Sending a 6 year old boy to school wearing ballet flats is a recipe for bullying.I would have no hesitation in saying no.

It's not that it's a bad thing. It's just that it's not what he is.

Honestly? My kids would have had the shoes if they were inexpensive as they probably wouldn't be worn much. They also had dress up - both captain America, buzz light-year etc plus tutus and princess and witch dresses.

That was back when clothes were clothes and toys were toys. Now some people think men putting on a dress and a bit of lippy makes them a woman and I think the nuance of the decision has changed. I don't think it has been helped by stereotyping clothes and toys.

With an awareness that wearing them to school may result in bullying or people suggesting it means more than that he just wanted some shoes like mammy, I think I would have still got him them for dress up but said he couldn't wear them to school as he needed 'school shoes' for that.

Of course not, but they can and do represent something of it. Partly why it's uncomfortable and weird when we see men in dresses. It's not that there's anything wrong with those clothes per se. But they're misrepresenting themselves.

He seemed upset when I said no and why for about half an hour until we got home and he went on his Nintendo switch

Yeah all these replies have made me think maybe should get him similar shoes that are appropriate as I'm finding out ballet flats arent the best for little kids

What century do you live in?

My clothes do not represent my gender. You cannot "misrepresent" yourself in the way you are suggesting.

This is entirely cultural, many cultures have men in skirts.