AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

This is an odd post

1. you do not spontaneously buy children Clarks shoes when they don't need them
2. Six year olds take random interests in things 100 times a day; you don't buy all the things they take a fancy to
3. If they are for school, then they are impractical (for girls and boys) at this age because they are likely to be running round, climbing, playing football etc in them
4. You can tell your 6 year old "no" for any reason whether it's good or not

I actually can't see why OP has started the thread unless to stir things up.

But trainers are not for boys? 😕

Surely the point is did he need shoes and if so, did these meet the requirements?

You don't have to make it about gender. I wouldn't buy these for my six year old girl just because she liked them. And I wouldn't buy them her for school because they don't cover enough of her foot for walking through playground mud and grass and would fall off her feet.

A child pestering for something isn't a reason to buy anything.

YRBU because ballet flats are terrible for anyone’s feet full stop, especially a childs

Same, my boy wears whatever the hell he wants. He knows he’s a boy who likes typically feminine things.
It’s when parents start saying “no it’s for girls” that they start thinking they should be a girl.

Perhaps he just thought they looked easy to take on and off like plimsolls

What a silly comment.

It would be a no from me also, but I'd also not buy any of my children ballet type shoes - absolutely awful footwear choice for support!

I would probably have said that they weren’t good for growing feet rather than place the emphasis on them being for girls. But I would have been secretly glad to have a solid reason to use, because children can be horrible about this sort of thing. My eldest son has been wearing alternative clothing for a couple of years now (he’s a teenager) and the bullying is relentless. He doesn’t wear dresses or anything, but will wear fishnets showing through ripped jeans, sparkly stuff and eyeliner (alongside heavy metal t shirts and chunky biker boots.) He’s a throwback to the eighties🤣 He says there is not one day goes by when someone doesn’t call him a horrible name. The love of sparkly stuff started when he was small and I went with the flow, but even back then there were a lot of comments and teasing about him being a girl. He’s not trans. Just likes playing about with different looks. I think he looks fantastic. And I admire his resilience/stubbornness!

I wouldn’t let any of my children wear ballet flats because there is no support whatsoever and they’re shit! But I wouldn’t use the argument of ‘he’s a boy, so must wear boy stuff’! That’s a very outdated position.

Huge difference in trainers and 'girly' flats.

Trainers also come in all shapes and colours for both boys and girls. But ballet flats in pink are obviously for girls.

But you do you. We can all choose what we would and wouldn't buy for kids without judgement from other parents

There definitely are trainers, usually black, sold in boys sections in shoe shops, so the point was valid.

It's 2026, for gods sakes, are mothers still making these decisions on the basis that the target market was gender orientated?

Its actually interesting to read the opinions of others.

I voted YANBU simply because ballet flats are terrible for children’s feet. They need shoes which are supportive and that they don’t have to curl up their toes to stop them from slipping off their feet.

Putting aside how bad they are for feet, can you articulate why a boy shouldn't wear pink ballet flats if he likes them or a girl a pair of black trainers with spiderman on the side?

Don't you think that's part of how we got into the trans pickle, girls thinking they must be male if they want to wear clothes designed for boys, and vice versa?

I’d have got him a cheap pair to play dressing up with at home
I would have done the same for a girl, they’re not the type of shoe I’d want any child wearing for long periods of time

I would have bought him a pair, but explained how they don't give very good support for feet because of their flat construction, and therefore they were to be used as 'house shoes' for padding about the house in rather than as regular shoes. He'd have had a regular pair of shoes for outdoors/school.
I'd have said just the same to a 6 year old girl.

And I'm in my 60s, my parenting days were long before all this gendering/trans or whatever debate was raging.

The issue is you’re setting your kid up to be bullied in later life. Or now.

You are his mother. If you don't want him to have them, for ANY reason, say no! Kids cannot just get whatever they want!

Cars and Lego aren't for boys (there's a big thing at the moment about Let Her Build from Lego)

By your logic we shouldn't ever question stereotypes or try to challenge them because people might mock and instead should just conform

What a sad state of affairs

It's weird you support stereotyping.

My son wears what he wants, and being preemptive of bullying is overproctection. He's never been bullied for what he wears. In fact, when he wears pink, girls just love it, and boys are impressed because they like pink too (who doesn't) but aren't brave enough to wear it.

Whatever he wears, he's still a boy due to his biology alone!

My DD has had “boys” shoes but my DS never had girls shoes as girls shoes can be more flimsy/ not always practical for a 6 year old. If he really wanted pink trainers, I’d say yes.
Unlike pp I think girls and boys feet are the same.

I'd say if the "climate" is bad, challenge it!

I've buzzcut my hair, to show the girls at school it's perfectly fine, I'm still a mummy, I haven't changed sex!

And ballet pumps aren't for girls