AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

[HannahW2768]

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

How are you confused? Yes ballet flats are outdoor but the design is based on ballet shoes.

the point is to show boys what male ballet dancers are capable of. Instead of “no you can’t wear shoes like that because they’re for girls” start saying “look what men can do when they wear that style of shoe”.

i took my dd to see Carlos Acosta when she was small. For a long time she thought boys doing ballet was perfectly normal, and pretty amazing. She saw ballet as an athletic activity, not just girls in sparkly tutu’s. It was only when they did ballet at school and many of the parents wouldn’t sign the consent to let their boys join she realised that it was controversial.

we need to stop dividing by gender and start showing kids what boys/girls can do when they don’t constrain themselves by stereotype.

OP’s comments to her child show how much we are still teaching our children those stereotypes.

I took it as people thinking the child wanted actual ballet shoes. Tbh other than having a rounded toe and a little bow at the front (which actual ballet shoes don't have) they are nothing alike. But that could be my autism making me take things too literally.

I'm all for boys seeing men do ballet, it's an amazing powerful art form. But that has nothing to do with what shoes they want.

Ballet flats aren't suitable for any healthy feet.

I think you are giving the people on here too much credit if you think that....

People never say this when it's about having the latest iPhone or make up or fashion. They never go "oh they'll be ridiculed for not having the latest tech," even though that iz much more likely in a day a day to day situation.

It's always "well anyone that makes fun of your child for this or that is not a good friend" but when it comes to boys wearing anything slightly effeminate then this site is always on the bullies side saying the victims asked for it....

Start with an insult then go on to make oxymornic statements without any thought backing it up...Great contribution

You need your safe space. Words are violent, aren't they?

You are not as edgy as you think you are. Just pointing out how utter stupid your remark was.
You say girls wearing blue is not the same, without expanding why. You say no one wants to be rigid but then say there needs to be standards.

You say words are violent? No but yours were pointless.

Sorry I thought you were who i was replying to at first...same point without the "yous" i suppose

I always find threads like this interesting, as to change the societal norms someone has to step out of line.

all of you on here who wouldn’t let your child go against cultural or societal norms for fear of bullying.

it makes me think how brave the parents of Ruby Bridges must have been. Their child stepped outside the boundaries of a societal norm and did suffer for it.

but Ruby and her parents actions went a long way to end racial segregation.

i applaud them. I applaud anyone who takes a risk to change something.

My dd did a very minor thing- she wore trousers to school when none of the girls did. First day she wanted to go back to a skirt as she felt too different, but by the end of the week several other girls turned up in trousers. It’s now completely normal for girls to wear trousers/shorts. Someone has to be the first to change things.

Don’t think they are very supportive for growing feet and I wouldn’t have bought them for either sex at that age

Do most people even want change? With all the issues in the world I think most people don’t really care that we have certain norms for women and men. While there’s still a divide it’s less strict than it was. I really find no issue with going out without makeup and wearing masculine clothing, for example.

I think parents have to be careful not to inflict issues on their child in the name of being progressive.

Societal norms still exist as much as you may not want them to.

Well, they only exist for as long as society upholds them. Modern gender norms are much different today than other times in history.

It would be a hard no from me. Probably followed quickly with a trip to "The Works" 😂

Not only would they be awful for his ( any child's ) feet, 6 isn't old enough to appreciate and be willing to accept the consequences of wearing girls shoes at school. Kids can be so cruel.

Emotionally developed enough to not care a hoot whilst being himself, then fine. But for the sake of his social safety and his little feet. Not at 6.

I wouldn’t buy them for any six year old and would have said no because they’re unsuitable for children and not very comfortable.

No, not unreasonable, you weren't buying shoes for him. You could get some secondhand clothes, shoes etc for dressing up play, a lot of children enjoy that.

Lol so what you are saying its fine for women and girls to break gender norms but boys need to be kept in their box.

Insisting that boys only dress in stereotypical ways regardless of their personal preference is the definition of adults inflicting their issues on their child.

The day the vast majority of school age boys beg their parents to attend school wearing ballet flats, or a Princess dress including ribbons & bows in their hair there will be a blue moon in the sky. There will always be the very odd exception in the early years of school but that's exactly how it will stay. I find it intriguing & strange there are parents who would actively encourage it. There are plenty of brightly coloured clothes around in the boys section of stores without making them appear like a fairy princess.

It's sad to see so many parents encouraging their children to be oddballs at school. Children need parental guidance and to be kept from hurting or humiliating themselves.

I meant to add to my last post 'on non uniform day' too.late to edit

I don’t think it’s sad. Difference is good! The more “oddballs” there are the less bullying there will be.

i was raised to not do anything that didn’t conform. It’s boring, restrictive, and as an adult I am missing out on so much because I can’t bring myself to take a risk, even a small one.

kids don’t “humiliate themselves”. Society humiliates anyone daring to be different.

would you have told Ruby Bridges parents to conform to societal norms? That she would be “humiliated”? I’d hate to think where society would be if brave people like them didn’t stand up and do something very different.

There are immeasurable ways to exert individuality without making a clown of yourself. I dont think anyone here is expecting children to be void of personality or act like robots which appears to be inferred by the replies supporting school boys in princess dresses & balley flats. If a child said they wished to rock up to school in non uniform days wearing nothing but their underwear & a bow in their hair, according to many of the posters this would be entirely acceptable. After all they are just daring to be 'different' which should be celebrated.

I think it depends. I think people DO care when it affects them or their children's choices. At that point it goes to crab bucket brain...."don't rock the boat or you will get bullied" or a more supportive and open attitude or of course "playing witll dolls will make your son gay"

None of these make fashion ballet flats better for your feet though!

My thought on gendered norms is that people are entitled to make their own choices but not other people's

I would have been inclined to say they’re adult shoes rather than making him feel ashamed for liking them as a boy… They’re not really suitable for young children after all, they’re flimsy and awful when it rains.

I was an oddball at school and still am years later. I was bullied regardless of whether I was trying to fit in or not, so I gave up.