Would this offend you?

[Irisrises]

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?ķ

I wouldn’t be offended but I wouldn’t be rushing to spend time with her again.

I would take no notice OP. Don’t waste your time being offended by stupid people.

I think there is a really high chance they’re going to fuck their daughter up. That poor girl. 😞 I would keep my distance, I wouldn’t want my children around people like that.

I have a daughter and a son. They’re both lovely because they’ve been well brought up without any pressure of gender stereotypes from us as their parents. Bring your boys up well and without gender crap, show them good role models, have age appropriate conversations about toxic masculinity, respect, equality etc, encourage them to value each other and you’ll have a lovely family.

I would say that 99% of posts on MN about gender disappointment relate to having a boy.

Is this your sister? The situation has the faint whiff of sibling rivalry. Do you generally have a one-upmanship relationship with her?

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

With regards to this, I'm afraid you'll just have to suck it up if she chooses a name you're not willing to back down on. How would it be"disrespectful to the identity" of your children? Is there any real chance it's likely to happen anyway?

They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

Odd thing to say, I'm assuming it was a male that got her pregnant or was it a supernatural conception.

This is where that expression comes in, you can chose your friends and not your family!
Smile, walk away, ignore and enjoy your own family. At least you know that you're not a weird parent and your kids will do just fine!

I wouldn't be offended, but I would think they are idiots and wouldn't be going out of my way to spend time with them.

‘Are you meaning to be rude to me?’ Might be a good one here.

They were rude. That is one issue.
The way you’re feeling about your 3rd boy is a separate issue..but one definitely being exacerbated by the comments.

Lots of people find themselves in this position whether having 2nd, 3rd, 4th. For some reason, people feel they can state or ask rude things. It’s common unfortunately. If you’re still adjusting yourself (totally reasonable….you might have thought it would be nice to have both genders, but now know that’s not likely….takes a bit if getting your head round…doesn’t mean you see them as lesser or not valuable) you just need time.

You can cut off the rude comments if you want to…do it with a laugh if you want to tone it done, but it still makes the point. ‘We’re absolutely thrilled’ or ‘that’s a bit personal when I don’t really know you that well’ or ‘why do you think that’s a helpful comment to make to me’

But probably the first ‘We are absolutely thrilled’ said in a thrilled voice that puts an end to to it. And for anyone saying ‘I’d have been disappointed’ you can reply with ‘Would you really? That would have been a shame for your son’

Sorry..maybe you wouldn’t say these in real life. It annoys me that people are rude and insensitive at a time when you may feel a bit sensitive, or that they can’t just say ‘Congrats’.

She may well find that her bubble will be burst.

Having experienced both male and female babies, my male child was much more loving and still is as he is entering adulthood. I love my daughter but she is much harder work, especially as a teenager.

Well parented boys are lovely. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

They sound overly opinionated. I’d be telling them so.

She’s sounds intentionally confrontational tbh. Does she have form for trying to pick arguments?

Best treatment for those types is not to engage.

They sound like thick bellends

Sounds to me like she's projecting her inadequacies by judging your life decisions and family. You are not being unreasonable to be upset about what she said. But we have no control over what people say, unfortunately in this case! Perhaps she has been jealous of your family life for a while.

Also agree with @TheDogsPerson - I pity their poor DD when she arrives and grows up - their parenting sounds very questionable!

But regardless of any of this she sounds very unlikeable and I would be giving her a wide berth! Life is too short to spend time with people, close family or not, if the things they say make you feel like shit.

Congratulations on your baby to be. I have friends who are Mum boys (one has 3) and they have a wonderful life with them and I have never felt sorry for them either!

Very unpleasant of your relative.

Lots of people would love just one baby, of either sex.

Congratulations on your precious family.

They are insensitive but living in the imaginary world of their perfect girl. Wait til she's 15 and report back.

They have absolutely no idea how it feels to have a baby. None of really understand until we have them. After two boys I found a girl very odd - I had assumed she'd be a boy - but it lasted all of about 10 minutes and then they are just your baby and you can't imagine any different.

So while they are idiots to have said it, they don't understand. I'd also put money in her husband having wanted a boy and so she is overcompensating.

My brother in law really didn't want to find out because he said he'd spend six months disappointed if he found out it wasn't a boy but knew that he would love whatever it was as soon as it arrived (he's now a father to three girls and loves it).

You are judging them from a position of understanding (in which case it's highly insulting) but they are in a world of fantasy.

I remember a girl I went to school with was the second of three girls. Her mum then had 4th girl. When my mum said "oh how lovely what's her name?" the other mum actually cried because it was the first time someone hadn't seemed disappointed for her! She just wanted happy healthy children.

I only have one, he is a boy. I was so happy when he arrived (I hadn't found out) - but I'm sure I'd have felt the same if he had been a girl! Boy or girl, there are no guarantees about their personalities, interests etc.
I kinda hope this persons daughter is the biggest tomboy going!

So fucking rude.

I wouldn’t be offended because their views are ridiculous. But I would think they were very rude. And like you, would blocking myself that I didn’t say anything at the time!

Really rude! As well as naive and stupid. What is it that she’s expecting by having a girl? As a parent of both, as much as I love them dearly, the boys have been soooo much easier to bring up. Does she think having girls is all manicures and bows? Nope, it’s just like having boys; you have no idea what you’re getting or what will come your way.
Enjoy your boys @Irisrises.

Sounds like they’re a bit insecure? Or just lack any tact when it comes to conversing!

prob wouldn’t find it offensive (I have boys) but a bit weird maybe.

Sheesht, what a massive pain in the arse they sound.
💐

No need to feel sorry. I do have a girl and 2 boys. I have only ever been happy and relieved to have healthy children. I absolutely hate gender disappointment with a passion.
My sil had 3 girls and carried on until she got a boy and it's more than obvious to them and everyone else that he's the golden child.
Congratulations op. Ignore the loons.

Old Mumsnet adage: "Everyone knows a woman who's been raped, but nobody knows a rapist."

@Irisrises I'll be honest. I secretly hoped for a boy and I'm now blessed with 2. When people say anything about wishing for a girl I just say "each to their own". Since I am so happy with what I got no comment can touch me

What??