Would this offend you?

[Irisrises]

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?ķ

Hi op ignore what they say they are getting what they want and that’s good for them but your ds are no lesser it’s just in their opinion girls are better but you already know boys are brilliant some people just see what they want to see next time they make a comment just say my boys are wonderful I wouldn’t swap them for girls it more important to have a healthy child that’s my only concern.

Incredibly rude. If you see her again you should definitely pull her up on her comments, she’s completely out of line.

I’d guess the ‘what they grow into’ comments might be linked to all the manosphere stuff that’s about at the moment? But thankfully that’s not the majority of men.

Annoying to see girls get a bit of a bad rap on this thread though, surely we can praise boys without pulling down girls.

Good luck with your pregnancy OP, I think there are pros to any combination of siblings and I’m sure 3 boys will be great!

What a delight she is.

Cunt. A stupid one too.

Less experienced sure, but where did you get older mother from?

Are they racist and homophobic too? They do realise that without males, no girls could be born?
The comment about the name is less important-they can call their child what they want, and if it's a gender neutral name, say Ashley/Jordan, it won't matter anyway because you presumably wouldn't want to let your kid be near people who would blame him/prejudge him for his sex/race etc. If your name is a traditional male name, say Oliver, yes it's weird for a girl, but if the poor girl is being brought up by sexist/racist etc people, her name is going to be the least of her worries.

Maybe I read it wrong but didn’t she say she was better than op or relieved or something because she’s waited? And op already has 2 kids so I’m assuming late 30s? I might be wrong though.

I have three boys and I got the same comments. Also had to listen as girl mums laughed about how they teach their girls that boys are stupid and germy and gross and they should stay away.

Some people are dicks. Boys are lovely - congratulations!!! And sod them.

I wouldn’t be offended exactly but I would have laughed at her, she’s ridiculous! Sounds like the issue is more with her, she has work to do on herself.

For what it’s worth I have 3 boys and they are bloody brilliant. I think toddler boys are the absolute cutest and teen boys are such fun to hang out and watch Stranger Things with. I’m sure girls are wonderful too. Friends tell me teenage years with girls can be trickier.

Enjoy your boys. And spend less time with her if you can. Next time she starts tell her not to be so rude and change the subject.

I also desperately wanted a DD and was very vocal about it when pregnant. I genuinely didn’t feel I could love a boy - but partly cos of lifelong trauma caused by dad/other men. It didn’t occur to me it would offend others because I was talking about my own wants not other people’s - also I think pregnancy does weird stuff to one’s sense of social niceties! But can see why you were annoyed. Would just suggest you take it as tactless rather than targeted.

I honestly think anyone who is "disappointed" to have a baby of the wrong sex doesn't deserve to have children at all.

I would just think they were a dick... I remember a woman telling me how much better boys were, i was pregnant with a boy but had a DD already - as did she. I just cringed and now avoid her.

They do don't they, but little do they know.

Oh this bit…

‘They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.’

I didn’t read it that way but can see what you mean. I think women can never seem to win either being older or younger mothers. But either way another totally inappropriate comment from the OPs relative!

Yes I agree. The meaning was quite obvious.

But we don’t get children as a reward for being nice people, do we? We get children because we had unprotected sex (usually.)

@Irisrises sorry it took ages to reply; I was talking to DH. Honestly, I am projecting my own feelings. I do think with gender disappointment it’s something that’s really important in the first year or so and wanes and becomes less important with each passing year.

I did know when I was pregnant for a second time I was anxious about a second boy. I didn’t find out in case I felt disappointment and then guilt. But I don’t think once you have the baby it matters in the end which is why people say they wouldn’t swap what they have … of course you wouldn’t, they are your children. But I do think part of me
would always have wanted a girl.

I wouldn't be offended at this. She just sounds really ignorant. Sometimes people are so blunt and rude that laughing is the only reasonable response. Being offended is daft. You have to feel sorry for people like this. Ignore her comments.

I have a 'friend' who is blunt and rude. I don't confront her. I don't see it as my job to police the words of a grown adult or to tell her to be tactful. I just enjoy the sport of hearing the outrageous things she comes out with (eg "I don't know how people can do dead-end jobs"). BTW she's not actually a friend, just someone in my hobby group.

Yes it would offend me.
I have 2 boys and a girl, I would have been equally over the moon with a 3rd boy.
I always feel a bit offended and defensive for all the little unborn boys whose mothers want a girl on threads here.
Your relative is a tactless idiot , I hope her girl is the least girly girl ever !

As a mum of 3 boys (and yes I faced the same questions when expecting my 3rd) I wouldn’t be offended as such but I would think that they were tactless and idiotic and I would definitely limit the amount of time I spent with them!

I think people who badly want a child of a specific sex have some type of expectation of the kind of child they want which isn’t at all healthy. All my children are individuals…their sex is the least interesting thing about them!

Some people are tactless and rude.
I’ve had people say all kinds of bollocks to me over the years.
Try and distance yourself from this person. She sounds awful.

I agree about the 'women can't win when it comes to having a first baby...' comment. Under 30? TOO young. Between 16 and 23? FAR too young. 35 to 39? A bit old. 40+ ? 💀

31 to 34 and a half is the only age you must produce babies. Ever.

It's the law. 👩🏽‍⚖️

😆

Don't feel sorry for me, I am a very happy Mum on two boys. What a ridiculous statement.

YANBU except about the name. You don't own the name and they can use it if they wish.

Good lord, how rude! And some posters saying, as though fact, that women should be pitied because EVERYONE knows girls are preferred by all mothers.

My best friend has three boys, she was made to feel like shit by people saying these things, as if her boys couldn’t possibly be as wanted and loved as girls! In fact they were, and are.

OP please enjoy your wonderful family, congratulations on your DS3 and step away from people peddling this narrative because it’s toxic, especially to a soon to be mum.

Yeah I agree too. Younger has benefits and negatives and older has benefits and negatives. I was 30-34 with both of mine so haven’t had to deal with this. I didn’t say it was a bad thing to be an older mother, just that the relative seemed insecure about it.

I think if op wasn’t pregnant I’d tell her to have a bit more emotional intelligence about this but she is and she doesn’t need this shit

I really hope they have a healthy baby. Isn’t that the most important thing.
I have 3 adult sons they’re caring lovely guys and have all married gorgeous girls who are like daughters to me and are all close.
My third wasn’t planned and I worried that he would be healthy thankfully he was. I feel truly blessed and you will be too.
What insensitive horrible comments they made. There could be an element of jealousy there.
Take care of yourself and enjoy your boys. X