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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this offend you?

152 replies

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:12

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?ķ

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 22/03/2026 21:42

Well, I hope the scan that told your relative she's having a girl is accurate!! A friend of mine had a scan and was told the baby was a girl...lots of girlie clothes etc was purchased...only for the baby to be a boy!!!

Your relative, to be quite frank is absolutely batshit!! Her thought process regarding boys is utterly bizarre.

Her comments were definitely insensitive and clearly she was last in the queue when tact was given out!

Put her comments to one side, and don't dwell on her weird batshittery!

HenDoNot · 22/03/2026 21:43

I think I’d get her on her own and go down the faux concern route…

“I’m really worried about you, is everything ok with you and your DH? Your comment about “the men that boys become” set alarm bells ringing, I’m sorry you have such shit men in your life that it’s led you to think this. Is he emotionally/financially/physically abusing you? Do you need help to leave?”

Maybe she’ll think twice about being such a tactless twat in future if she thinks her comments reflect badly on the man she’s chosen to father her child.

Ozmumofboys3 · 22/03/2026 21:44

People are rude and insensitive! I have 3 boys, adore them and love being a ‘boy mum’. The amount of comments I got when we found out no3 was another boy presuming we’d be disappointed and had tried for a 3rd for a girl. No 3 was a happy surprise so that certainly wasn’t the case!

if I’m being honest with no2 and no3 if given the choice I’d have chosen a girl just to have the experience of raising both genders but there wasn’t an ounce of gender disappointment once I knew what the baby was.

Some people have very negative ideas of having sons 🤷‍♀️, it’s baffling.

id definitely ignore this relative and distance yourself. Sounds in the best interests of all your family especially as she had not a nice thing to say about your boys.

Ved · 22/03/2026 21:47

Holymotherforkingshirtballs · 22/03/2026 21:38

Don't feel sorry for me, I am a very happy Mum on two boys. What a ridiculous statement.

Show quote history

Hmmmm yeah, @Thisismynamechhange why do you feel sorry for mums who only have sons?

MyOliveStork · 22/03/2026 21:48

When I told my SIL we were having another baby, her first reply was, why on earth do you want another one? Didn’t say congratulations at all. We lost our first child at 18 mths old, and then had a boy and then a girl. I was shocked and didn’t really know what to say. 25 years later, I have never forgotten….

Ved · 22/03/2026 21:50

HenDoNot · 22/03/2026 21:43

I think I’d get her on her own and go down the faux concern route…

“I’m really worried about you, is everything ok with you and your DH? Your comment about “the men that boys become” set alarm bells ringing, I’m sorry you have such shit men in your life that it’s led you to think this. Is he emotionally/financially/physically abusing you? Do you need help to leave?”

Maybe she’ll think twice about being such a tactless twat in future if she thinks her comments reflect badly on the man she’s chosen to father her child.

Sounds like a plan! 😆

The woman sounds so dense though that she probably won't 'get it.' 🙄

MyOliveStork · 22/03/2026 21:52

And just to add, I love little boys. They are the best. I had two boys and a girl (older girl RIP). Each to their own, maybe they ‘want’ a girl and great for them, but you are blessed with whatever you have. You are blessed with beautiful boys.
I foster now, and little boys are my hands down favourites!!!!!

Ved · 22/03/2026 21:52

MyOliveStork · 22/03/2026 21:48

When I told my SIL we were having another baby, her first reply was, why on earth do you want another one? Didn’t say congratulations at all. We lost our first child at 18 mths old, and then had a boy and then a girl. I was shocked and didn’t really know what to say. 25 years later, I have never forgotten….

Wow rude! Hmm I am sorry for the loss of your first child. Flowers

firstofallimadelight · 22/03/2026 21:53

She seems to be competitive with you and wants to put you in your place . She also believes she will be a better parent than you

Bobbisocks · 22/03/2026 21:55

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:29

It is going to be very hard to distance myself.
I already have two sons who are now close relatives of theirs so implying boys are awful is pretty rude.

I am sensitive as having a third boy I have had many insensitive comments from other people too. A friend said 'I cried with happiness when I found out i was having a girl' and 'people want one of each' when i said my 3rd was a boy. Another person said 'will you have a 4th for a girl?'

But this was a close relative and i've had a gutful of comments already.

It's sad my baby is seen as 'less than'

I had very similar reactions to my third son. I remember bumping into an old schoolfriend shortly after DS3 was born, whose immediate response was to look sympathetic and ask ‘Aww, will you try again?’ (Nope). It really was most people’s assumption that I must be so disappointed.

I won’t lie, being a mum of three boys was wild - hilariously funny and often exhausting - but I wouldn’t have swapped it for the world and I’m immensely proud of the lovely men they’ve become. Congratulations OP, and enjoy the ride!

grizzlyoldbear · 22/03/2026 22:01

My new coping mechanism to insensitive dickheads like this, is to immediately picture them scurrying home, slamming the front door, drawing the curtains, and just… never speaking again, or leaving the house.

Then I snigger to myself imagining them sat in the dark, reflecting on their behaviour like some sort of Victorian ghost having a crisis of conscience.

Twooclockrock · 22/03/2026 22:05

Well when pregnant with my first I assumed I would be spending mat leave looking fabulous, drinking champagne over lunches while my baby slept in the pram.
How naive and wrong I was.
I was certainly slammed back to earth.
It sounds like the rantings of a hormonal and deluded pregant woman to me.
We all have delusions of grandeur before giving birth.
Like 'my baby will never watch tv' or eat pouches... then reality hits. I actually had a great idea while I was pregnant, that I would replace the pictures in Guess Who with world leaders to play with my toddler.... 😂I absolutely had no clue.
Don't worry, just let her have her last five minutes of 'this is how perfect my life will be'. Before she is hit with the reality and comes and joins you in the trenches.

birdglasspen · 22/03/2026 22:10

I’ve had great fun out with my three boys and their friend today. I’m not concerned my boys will turn into monsters.
Your relative is talking nonsense.
I wouldn’t sit agreeing with her nonsense tell her she’s a twit.
Good luck with your third, I have no idea why anyone would have 3 either now I do! 😂 But what does she know
🙄😂

SapphireSeptember · 22/03/2026 22:13

I'm a 'one and done' mum to a little boy. I don't want another baby, I had a miscarriage before DS (that I think would have been a little boy) so I feel I was meant to be a boy mum either way.

canisquaeso · 22/03/2026 22:23

I will admit I didn’t want a boy just because generally I feared it would have been harder for me to connect and I’m very happy with DD but I couldn’t care less what other people have or don’t have.

Your relative is just weird, I wouldn’t give it another thought.

EdithBond · 22/03/2026 22:26

Having three boys is great!

They sound dreadful. Quite insensitive and sanctimonious. They also have stereotyped views of what girls and boys are like. And protest too much, methinks!

Hopefully, you won’t have to see too much of them. Life’s too short. Rise above when you do.

Congrats and good luck with the new arrival 💐

WhatAPavalova · 22/03/2026 22:34

I desperately wanted children, I have 4. I genuinely didn’t have a boy/girl preference and still don’t. I did really want 4. I grew up happily with my brothers. There is a family of 5 boys in my village, I don’t feel any happiness or sadness about them all being boys, practically it may be useful for handmedowns, otherwise it’s just a little remarkable as it’s less common to have this family composition.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and your boys. She was rude. Her views IMO are odd (and what if she had had twins or a boy?!). Also she severely lacked tact when speaking to you.

Itsnotallalark · 22/03/2026 22:34

Life was simpler back in the day when I had my children. Discovering the gender wasn’t an exact science so we didn’t bother. Each of my three healthy boys was a wonderful surprise.

tellmesomethingtrue · 22/03/2026 22:40

No I would not be offended.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 22/03/2026 22:41

I don't think there's much point in being offended on behalf of your sons. She's insulting 50% of the human population, including more or less half of all her living relatives and ancestors going back to the dawn of time. She sounds like one of those verbal diarrhoea types, just spouts shite without thinking 🙄

IdentityCris · 22/03/2026 23:21

Is your relative in a same sex relationship? If not, how is she managing to tolerate living with a man if they're all so dreadful?

Ashkrevon · 22/03/2026 23:39

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children

What does this mean? They want to use one of the names your dc have already?
What is the name?

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 23:39

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:12

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?ķ

How utterly rude and thoughtless of them to say these things when you have sons!

Clubbiscuit · 22/03/2026 23:53

I didn’t want a girl because of my awful relationship with my mother. With my first child, I was told it was going to be a girl. I never said anything negative. I told myself I’d love her when I saw her with my own eyes. I had all the clothes ready and then gave birth to… a boy! I was very pleased because I’d always wanted a son.

I now have two boys and they are the best things that have ever happened to me. Neither are into football or anything like that and I have crossover hobbies with both. They are both affectionate and loving.

Anyone who says “all people want” is only ever talking about themselves. People want different things.

cocog · 22/03/2026 23:59

They are letting you know that their baby is so much more precious and important than yours don’t worry it will probably be a spoiled little monster that bites snatches and pinches with the entitlement of the parents. Be very busy in future, they sound like they are going to be tedious.