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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this offend you?

152 replies

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:12

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?ķ

OP posts:
Rhubarb24 · 23/03/2026 00:31

She's horrid. Her poor daughter having that as a mother and little hope of a sibling to share that burden. I hope she's a right daddy's girl! 🤭

As a mum of boys, I got the comments about wanting a girl. I'm blessed, you're more blessed. Never forget that!

budgiegirl · 23/03/2026 00:45

They are both rude, and weird.

Everyone seems to assume that all women want girls. I genuinely didn't care what I had, when my DS2 was born, a friend looked in to the pram and said 'Never mind, will you try again?' So rude, we're not friends anymore.

When I was pregnant with my third, everyone kept saying 'I bet you are hoping for a girl'. It really annoyed me - I was convinced I was having another boy, and so many people were rude about it (luckily not any of my family, they were all great). In the end baby number three was a girl, much to my shock, which of course was lovely too, but I was convinced I was going to be a mum to 3 boys.

2021x · 23/03/2026 01:26

You are both as bad as each other. Her for her misandry and you for assuming her opinion had anything to do with you and wanting to have your children praised.

Stay away from each other.

MayaPinion · 23/03/2026 01:44

No, it wouldn’t offend me at all. Some people are just like that - they can’t make themselves feel good unless they’re trying to make someone else feel bad. It’s part of their nature and says nothing about you and everything about them. I really love the expression, ‘Let them’ - just let her bang on. It’s not worth your time or effort to even think about the situation never mind respond.

vladimirVsvolodymr · 23/03/2026 02:12

Haha this reminds me of a colleague that told everyone she’s parenting her two children by choice as she didn’t meet the right man when she turned forty, so sperm bank/donor sperm used. Cue as soon as anyone says anything about their husbands not getting stuff done, said woman pipes up “I cannot imagine co-parenting, oh my blood is boiling”. People are too polite to remind her that she is co-parenting due to no finding a partner 😂

ResultsMayVary · 23/03/2026 02:24

If she brings it up again I'd say 'And yet you chose to marry a man? Are you scared if you had a son they'd turn out like him?'

Then whatever they they said I'd just answer 'okay.'

I would just observe them like a weird science experiment.

It's definitely a them problem and parenting is going to be a bumpy road 😂

QOrion · 23/03/2026 02:41

They, they, their, they!
What is wrong with you people? You’ve lost the ability to write simple English! We’re talking about a pregnant WOMAN. She!
(Shakes head and mutters murderous thoughts about the enduring negative influence of transideology.)

QOrion · 23/03/2026 04:12

Edit
Shakes head and has murderous thoughts about the enduring negative influence of transideology.

Stickytoffeetartt · 23/03/2026 06:48

She sounds nasty and spiteful. I know it's hard but you will need to try to ignore her for your own sake. Recognise that she is the one with the issues, not you. I can understand why you would feel so protective over your baby boy, how dare she make you feel that he's less than. And why on earth would she want to copy.your boy name if she wants a girl so badly? She must be jealous!

mumof5five · 23/03/2026 07:30

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 22/03/2026 19:15

Possible weirdness over the fact it's your third pregnancy and her first and she's miffed you're both expecting at the same time? Also sounds like the bollocks someone who doesn't have a clue spouts. Wait till she actually has a boy...

I think it's this. She is jealous that you are both pregnant at the same time, as she wanted all the limelight on her for her first pregnancy, she cannot come out and say that because it sounds ludicrous so she is finding slightly less ludicrous ways to insult you. Ignore her. Let her crack on. Boys are lovely as we all know.

RedFlagsAllOver · 23/03/2026 09:43

I have 3 sons and I got many oh poor you comments. Even when my youngest was in hospital the nurse said poor you when I said he was my 3rd son. My mum is the middle of 3 sisters and I would rather have all boys given a choice.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 23/03/2026 09:58

Omg I would have been so offended

Nannyfannybanny · 23/03/2026 09:59

I never wanted to know what sex my 4 babies were..I am aware I am in the minority here. It would spoil the magic moment
.I didn't even frantically look to see what sex they were. I wanted to cuddle them and feel relieved to have a healthy baby.People know the sex , some freak out,are suffering bereavement , because they are the wrong sex.The baby already has a name. I hope these children never find out that they basically weren't wanted.. I have worked in NHS infertility and abortion clinic. I got a lot of stick, from my late f and complete strangers about having 4....2 marriages and second DH didn't have children.

Chilly80 · 23/03/2026 10:43

I have one of each. They both have there pros and cons!

I wouldn't be seeing that relative again.

hideawayforever · 23/03/2026 11:14

They sound awful and nasty, what nice person would say any of that to someone who had boys and was having another. It was said on purpose to try and make herself seem better. I would have nothing to do with such a nasty person

Labelledelune · 23/03/2026 11:21

I never wanted a girl and luckily enough had two boys then two grandsons, I now have a granddaughter who’s two and this confirms why I wanted boys. ( lighthearted) they seem either very weird or extremely jealous. You should have asked how she managed to get pregnant with such a hatred for men. Men are getting a raw deal at the moment.

Fundays12 · 23/03/2026 17:08

Ohh wow that's awful avoid, avoid and avoid.

Poor girl i actually feel sorry for her and she isnt even born yet. Thats not normal behaviour at all from parents to be. I have seen it before unfortunately and the couple of people I know who are like that now have horrible, spoiled, entitled, mean girl daughters because of how they have been raised.

Dartania · 23/03/2026 17:10

I’d be more concerned with the idiot genes they’re passing on.

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 23/03/2026 17:17

She is not your friend. Ditch her. I don’t understand why you would want to keep someone like this in your life.

Yardbrushes · 23/03/2026 17:38

So rude.
They would know that they were rude.
Sorry OP, but you sound a bit wet that you would tolerate this.
I would be repeating her rudeness to family, and avoiding her going forward.
Stupid, ignorant cow.

Original poster
Irisrises · 23/03/2026 19:58

@Yardbrushes It was all said with a smile and in a light conversational tone. It wasn't until after that I thought about how it made me feel.

As i've said this is a close relative to me and my children so I wasn't expecting such negativity. Especially about my choice to have another child 'why would anyone have a 3rd child why would you need to'. Or that the gender of my children is one they really adamantly wouldn't want. I guess it felt personal since they know my children.

It sounds like some other people would not be offended.
I guess I can now think about how I want to be in response to them going forward.

OP posts:
Blossoms217 · 23/03/2026 20:06

I had this exact same thing with my friend. I have two DS and she's glad she's having a girl because 'she's only having one so it had to be a girl' made a big deal out of the gender enough to make me feel like she thought boys weren't good enough so I called it out and said people who are gender obsessed shouldn't have kids. Not directly but made it clear enough what I thought. Then she proceeded to tell me comments that others have made about only having boys, strange.

Catcatcatcatcat · 23/03/2026 20:29

She sounds thick as shit. I would spend as little time with her as possible.

user1476613140 · 23/03/2026 20:33

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:24

They definitely wanted a girl

Hopefully they get a boy then.

chatelai · 23/03/2026 20:38

Either tactless or projecting her insecurities.

Shrug it off and enjoy your pregnancy, and sons!

My gran wanted a whole troop of boys; ended up with all girls and was happy enough, by my goodness the grandsons were spoilt! Time goes by and people change, situations change...you sound sorted and content. You're doing it right.