To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

[HuffandPuffandPuff]

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

That's disgraceful OP and you did the right thing by reporting it.
No one has the right to speak to anyone like that, regardless of gender and especially in a public space. The bastard bully, I hope he gets a bollocking for that from the staff.

This

He’s rude and was out of order.
But having been a gym member since 1999 and seen ALL the behaviour, the majority of people pricking around on phones are scrolling and not recording workouts, despite the protestations here.

Sorry this happened to you. As others have said, it's common to use your phone between sets as long as it's just briefly between sets.

You won't be able to view the CCTV though. People cannot just request to watch CCTV.

I agree, there are quite a few women in our gym who sit for ages on their phones, not just resting. I use E-Gym equipment which times rests between sets, often the machines will log these women out because they've been "resting" for so long.

i pay the same amount to use the gym as everyone else, if I want to look at my phone for 2 mins in between sets, I will. If someone wants to work in while I’m resting that’s also fine. But it’s no one else’s business! I have no problem with someone asking how long I’ll be either. I go to a uni gym though, maybe people are just nicer and more relaxed. Never been an issue.

If you’re hogging the machine by sitting there and scrolling your phone for 3 minutes, then sorry but that’s not acceptable. You can let someone else use the machine then while you rest. 30 seconds fair enough.

The man probably didn’t approach anyone on the other machines because they weren’t sitting there for ages scrolling on their phones…

No she wasn't. You can't check your messages in 30 seconds. This behaviour in gyms frustrates the hell out of me - people doing 5 (FIVE???) reps, taking 15 seconds or so and then 2 mins scrolling on their phone. And flatly refusing to let me use the machine for 30 secs in their rest period. Very rude.

How long does it take you to open a message and read it? I doubt they were texting her novels

Five reps is a legit number - particularly for women of a certain age.

YABNU to be upset at his language OP.

But I still voted YABU because I do agree with MrsJeanLuc that it drives me nuts if people will sit on a machine for their rest between sets and then NOT be prepared to swap in sets with someone else while they're resting. Why should a machine be 'used up' for 5-7 minutes?

We should all be resting between sets, so unless you're talking about changing weights on a barbell, it should always be possible for 2 people to swap sets & just shift the pin between turns....

Drives me bonkers having to wait 8 minutes watching someone else scroll when I could be 5 sets done during their rest gaps!

Open a message, read it, and respond to it? More than 30 secs.

Regardless, that doesn't excuse this man's rude and bullying behaviour.

What an idiot well done for reporting it. Get back in the gym with your head up!

You need to grow a backbone, tell him (or anyone else like him) to politely 'fuck off', and continue to do your workout. But, between sets, keep your phone use to a minimum, it IS frustrating to wait for a machine only to see the current user sat on their phone.

Op I’m with you. Men have gotten way too brazen these days. Disgusting and disproportionate reaction from him.

This is why female only gyms are needed.

She doesn't say anything about responding to the messages (unless I've missed it?).
She just said she was checking her phone.

He was rude and you were right to report it.

Shaken up, though? Come on now, OP.

You’re supposed to rest 2 minutes between each set. Using a phone is perfectly acceptable and normal.
I use mine for my music and writing down my weights on an app. I also checkout fb.
hes a dick and should be removed from the gym

There are women only gyms but I used to go to a gym that one hip adductor/ abductor machine and it used to be a nightmare to get on whilst people sat on the internet blocking it! It made me angry because I often couldn't incorporate it in to my workout.

Thats horrible behaviour from him. Now you feel unsafe there and thats not fair.

I think you are making excuses because you have the same annoying habit! I've seen too many women sit down on the rowing machine and ten minutes later they are still messing with phones and haven't even started! In a busy gym especially if there's only one piece of a certain bit of equipment, you get your reps done and you get off so someone else can use it! You don't sit surfing on your phone between reis because you just take ages.

She isn't unsafe! She was called out rightfully for sitting on the internet and blocking a machine! A man has the same right to call that behaviour out as a woman!

Yes! Too many people are trying to defend the OP but I've seen this myself and had to miss out on using machines I really wanted to use because there's only one and people tie it up for 15 mins because they spend ten minutes on the internet! I've seen women come in and sit on a rowing machine and ten minutes later they haven't even put their feet in the staps because they are too busy on their phones! They might as well stay home of 60% of their hour in the gym is going to be sat surfing on the internet!

What is this two minutes rest thing? I've never done it! I'll have at most a 30 sec breather between reps but it feels like an invented rule to justify phone surfing in the gym! You are hogging a machine for at least 15 mins if you need at least ten minutes sat resting for 5 reps! I guarantee you take longer when you are engrossed in your phone.

It's if you're lifting very heavy. 2 - 5 minutes is the norm then.

Yep, i was right, you've definitely never done any kind of proper weight training. I've explained in another post why it's not feasible to let another person use the machine in between sets. It only really works if you are both using the exact same settings and are both having long rest periods and even then, can still get in each other's way.

Or because they were men and he wasn't going to be an aggressive bastard to another man...