To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

[HuffandPuffandPuff]

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

Yes I agree with you. But the rest between sets should be 30 secs, not minutes.

And absolutely agree that it's not acceptable to swear at or intimidate someone.

No it should not be "30 seconds"... structured rest periods are part of the workout and strength/power training rests between sets are routinely 3-5 minutes. If you don't understand how exercise works, probably don't comment on it.

So if you need 3 minutes or more, why not allow someone else to do a set of reps in your rest time?

Have you ever been in a gym in your life?

Working in is fine if you have a partner similar size/shape to you doing a similar workout, if not by the time you set-up equipment and depending what type of sets they are doing you'd go way over rest periods.

How abput if someone is already using equipment just wait your turn.

If you’re referring to me then the man did not want to share with me. He and his group of friends were using that machine 25 minutes later after I left the machine.

As other people have explained, sharing with someone with a very different weight they’re lifting/using or height means the faffing around changing weights and adjusting means it’s quicker just to use another machine whilst you wait.

Because it takes longer than that to clean the machine twice, readjust weights, and do a set.

You shouldn't be sharing machines. If someone is on the machine, it's theirs for the duration of their use.

If someone is on a machine for a really prolonged length of time and that can depend on the type of machine and workout, inform management. They take care of it politely. But swearing and intimidation are not the way.

But if you think a rest interval should only be 30 sec or less, you're uninformed.

A rest period is a part of the workout on the machine. So they are still using it.

I do a rowing workout that follows a rower on the water. The speed varies. Sometimes I'm rowing at, let's say, 20 strokes per minute. Then after a few minutes, it slows down to a really slow stroke for a rest interval. Would I not be rowing fast enough for you? And I'm also watching the river view on my phone and getting the sound cues so there's that. And I have a cool down period.

You need to catch up instead of making judgements on things you're really uninformed about.

No I wasn't referring to you @HuffandPuffandPuff , you never said you wanted a 3 minute rest. And it was very wrong of that man to intimidate you.

I've quoted your earlier post because I agree with what you say here. In answer to your questions, I am lucky enough to be able to go to my local gym at less busy times so it isn't often a problem.

Generally, if someone is sat at a piece of equipment I want to use then I just go and do a different exercise, but sometimes that's the last one in my workout. Occasionally, I have asked someone to interwork with me - generally they say no, which is fair enough, and I either wait or leave.

Yes, of course it should be the staff who "police" equipment usage - I wouldn't dream of approaching another gym user in a hostile or critical way.

And, no he wouldn't have approached another man like that! You did the right thing by complaining to the staff.

Between heavy sets. Although OP said she was just resting 30s so not even very long at all.

You’re both out of order.

Dont use your phone while you are on the machines. It’s selfish and inconsiderate behaviour.

I would of stayed on the machine on purpose and just told him to fuck off back. Unsure why you started crying. Really over the top behaviour in my opinion.

Did you miss the OP explaining about past experience of domestic abuse?

He sounds rude and aggressive, I'd have been upset too.
Hogging machines and pissing about on FB when others are wanting to use it sounds infuriating as well though.

You know nothing about weight training. Why you continue to double down on your ignorant stance i dont know.

This thread is interesting in the light of the fashion for & fitness influencer urging for women to weight train, particularly in middle age.

Clearly, there's a huge education job to do to teach women about weight lifting form and principles. So many PPs have no idea!

Why can’t men just wait their turn?

Isn’t it just another example of the underlying belief that women have no right to take up space in public places and that men’s wants always come first because women are so trivial and unimportant?!

The gym could perhaps put up signs asking users to refrain from challenging others over their use of machinery or timing and asking them to contact a staff member and not approach another user directly with any concerns. ‘Everyone has the right to work out in peace without challenge by other users. Any concerns about other user’s use of equipment should be addressed to and dealt with by management. Management reserve the right to exclude any user who breaches the rules’.

Generally agree, but if someone's left a load of plates on a machine, and wondered off without bothering to remove them, then I will ask them politely to unrack them. Similarly, if they've left a piece of equipment covered in sweat I will also say something.

Exactly what happens on the abductor machine in our gym. I asked if I could use it whilst someone “rested” this week, she’d been on it for 10 minutes without even starting. She said no, she was resting, but once she got going she only took a couple of minutes to finish.
It’s always the same people, sadly almost always women, who do this here. The worst are the ones who strut about chatting instead of getting on either it - the machines I use are not heavy weights so no need for long rest times.

Tidy up after yourself is pretty much the only rule in the small gym I go too and thankfully people do respect it generally.

it’s a nightmare when people leave things especially when it’s heavier than you normally use!

Welp, I'm just back from the gym and I made sure to have good long breaks (2.5 minutes for what I was doing today) between sets. Did sets of 5 reps, mostly because that's what today's programme was, but some sets of 3 reps (IYKYK) and took enormous enjoyment in knowing that someone on Mumsnet was crying into their soup about me.

Wot - only 3 reps and then a sit down??? You may as well be sat at home on Mumsnet. I mean, I don't look at social media on my phone during rests, but I did try to look restful.

Now I'm in my bath, dicking around on Mumsnet, and admiring how god damn HENCH my pump is looking right now (2x bodyweight DLs today).

I swear, I'm turning into a teenage boy the amount I'm looking in the mirror when I get home. Not bad for an old bird.

YANBU he was incredibly rude and I am not surprised you were upset. It’s a typical example of men thinking they own the space.

I have my phone in the gym for a few reasons:
to play music with my headphones (I don’t want to listen to the awful music the gym plays),
to check my workout plan;
to record what exercise and weights I have used that day;
and also sometimes to check form (eg photos my PT has taken, or online videos).
I will usually do this in my rests between sets.

I don’t use social media in the gym as I am trying to restrict my social media use!
And in the gym I prefer to just focus on the exercises and my music. But someone else looking at me might think I was just on facebook. So it’s none of their business really.

In my opinion it’s the teenage boys who sit on their phones the most - sometimes a good 15 minutes on the leg press just on their phone - all the women I see in the gym are pretty focused. But I would never ask someone to get off a machine.

Read her posts. It's more than obvious why. He was a very big man and really close to her and physically intimidating as well as swearing. It would leave most women shaking. We women don't cry because someone was 'mean to us'. We often cry out of fear.

Everybody at my gym is on their phone between sets! Completely normal and expected. I'm not aware of anyone complaining. As others have said, people generally rest for a minute or two between sets.

The man was completely out of order. Steroid rage maybe? I had a horrible experience in a gym that put me off going for ages and then I got mad at twatty young men putting me off and returned. I hope you can too.

No, it's selfish.