Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
SexyFrenchDepression · 20/03/2026 23:49

MrsJeanLuc · 20/03/2026 11:41

Yes I agree with you. But the rest between sets should be 30 secs, not minutes.

And absolutely agree that it's not acceptable to swear at or intimidate someone.

Thats just not correct. 30 secs is a really short rest if lifting heavy weights and lifting to fail. My rest time is mostly 1.5mins, sometime 1 min for certain exercises. My PT has longer rests as lifts really heavy. Why comment when you dont really know.

racierach · 21/03/2026 06:50

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 20/03/2026 23:28

No, it's selfish.

It’s not selfish.
i am entitled to use a machine. If im doing 3 sets and resting 2 mins in between then im using it for what 7 mins in total.

I see a lot of you have know idea what you are talking about. You are supposed to rest during sets. Otherwise you risk injury. If I chose to look at my phone in those 2 mins or stare into space for 2 mins who cares.

I get the frustration at someone sat on your phone for 10 mins not actually doing anything but that’s not what I (or others) are doing.

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 21/03/2026 08:52

YABU to start your OP with “ So” but otherwise YANBU. It’s horrible to experience verbal aggression like that.

schoolsoutforever · 21/03/2026 09:42

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:34

I would have perhaps suggested that if he hadn’t started off being so rude. As I was doing super short sets of 5 reps I knew I’d be done really quickly.

There’s 3 other of the same machines too, which is why I was so perplexed.

In my experience, it’s only ever men who say “how many sets left?” And they never preface it with “excuse me…” or say “would it be ok if we shared please?”. I’d never ask to share. I just go oh well, I’ll go do something else and wait until it’s free. Which I get can be frustrating when you’re pushed for time but there’s plenty of other stuff to do at the gym.

Yes, my experience is that it is, without fail, men in their 20s who try to bully me off machines. I've never had a woman ask or an older man. I find it very arrogant when done in an impolite way. I never look at my phone apart from changing a quick song, although I admit some people do seem to take the mickey a bit. Asking politely is OK I guess.

Just go back head held high - don't let him intimidate you further. He probably knows he over-reacted.

Janicchoplin · 21/03/2026 18:44

YellowHatt · 18/03/2026 12:30

How he spoke to you was completely unacceptable.

Separately, the etiquette is that you offer to share the machine ie he uses it while you’re resting and you use it while he’s resting.

Where on earth are you getting your knowledge from? Now its not etiquette to share equipment with a man/women you don't know. What a load of rubbish. They go and use another machine and come back.

Janicchoplin · 21/03/2026 19:04

Well. Half the people on here are a people pleaser. Honestly yes sir you can have my machine. Yes if course its ok for YOU to stand around hogging the machine for 25 minutes with your friends. I don't know how many friends he had with him. But 25 minutes hogging a machine. Chatting to his friends etc. You all think thats ok? Him swearing at her and treating her that way is ok?
I dread to think how you were all raised.
Now what if that was you or your sister.
Disgusting behaviour.
"Why were you crying running to the office" she just had a large guy and his friends around god knows if he was on something because let's face it. Normal people they don't act this way. I have been going to the gym for over 20 years in different gyms and never seen/heard the like.

I'm sorry you got treated this way. Its not ok. And I understand why you are struggling to go back. But the bully has won if you don't and if it happens at another gym cause it seems half of them are in MN. They are not worth your time.

MummyWillow1 · 21/03/2026 19:05

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

Regardless of how long it is between sets - it is NEVER acceptable to speak to someone like that.

MummyWillow1 · 21/03/2026 19:11

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

So people aren’t allowed to follow plans/routines from their phone!? Listen to their own music etc!?

Certain gym goers need to mind their own business. Skipping one exercise one day is not going to kill you. 99% of people training aren’t Olympic athletes and don’t ‘need’ the same machine someone else is using.

giddyaunt19 · 21/03/2026 19:14

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:34

I would have perhaps suggested that if he hadn’t started off being so rude. As I was doing super short sets of 5 reps I knew I’d be done really quickly.

There’s 3 other of the same machines too, which is why I was so perplexed.

In my experience, it’s only ever men who say “how many sets left?” And they never preface it with “excuse me…” or say “would it be ok if we shared please?”. I’d never ask to share. I just go oh well, I’ll go do something else and wait until it’s free. Which I get can be frustrating when you’re pushed for time but there’s plenty of other stuff to do at the gym.

He shouldn’t have shouted or sworn at you.

also if you’re only doing really short reps as you say then stay off your phone.

MummyWillow1 · 21/03/2026 19:16

Iamwhoiamwhoareyou · 18/03/2026 13:24

Why should he have to wait whilst you scroll on social media whilst blocking access to gym equipment? Phones have no place in the gym - I'd be pissed off too if i was waiting whilst someone "rested" and scrolled on FB without moving out of the way - Your behavior was rude, which triggered a rude interaction (he shouldn't have spoken to you like that, but I get the frustration, especially with gyms being taken over by posing social media users)

Edited

Having a 30 second rest isn’t rude. You are the entitled one.

There is never a reason for any one to bully someone like that.

Justaspy · 21/03/2026 19:19

Keep your phone in your locker and do what the gym is there for, unless you think the gym is there for you to get attention for internet drama.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 21/03/2026 19:25

Janicchoplin · 21/03/2026 18:44

Where on earth are you getting your knowledge from? Now its not etiquette to share equipment with a man/women you don't know. What a load of rubbish. They go and use another machine and come back.

I let people work in with me (where possible) especially if the gym is busy as it is good established gym etiquette. If I'm using the plate loaded leg press it'd be a bit of a faff especially if the other person lifted a lot less, or more than me so I'd explain to them how many sets I have left and let them wait. If I'm using the cables I'm usually more than happy for anyone to work in.

Sirzy · 21/03/2026 19:27

MummyWillow1 · 21/03/2026 19:11

So people aren’t allowed to follow plans/routines from their phone!? Listen to their own music etc!?

Certain gym goers need to mind their own business. Skipping one exercise one day is not going to kill you. 99% of people training aren’t Olympic athletes and don’t ‘need’ the same machine someone else is using.

exactly, I am training for a competition at the moment but when I was in last week someone else was on the squat rack when I needed it. As it happened my trainer in in the gym so I asked him for an alternative otherwise I would have simply waited until it was free or skipped that exercise

CookingFatCat · 21/03/2026 19:41

I would have reacted the same way. I hope you are ok.

I read my book on my phone between sets. I rest for a couple of minutes and have a countdown on my phone so I know when to start my next set.

I see lots of people doing similar. I don’t share equipment either as I don’t want to sit in somebody else’s sweat.

Why do men have to ask how many sets, just wait or do some squats if you need to be busy!

Grendel7 · 21/03/2026 20:24

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

Very unreasonable, you were on your phone while he could have been using the equipment. It doesnt belong to you only!

SarzWix · 21/03/2026 20:53

Ophir · 18/03/2026 12:51

yes to this.

you should have offered to let him work in

he shouldn’t have sworn at you. You shouldn’t have been looking on Facebook mid set

Why do people keep accusing OP of being on social media?! They said that they were checking for an expected text message, and the vile man assumed they were on social media. Honestly, reading comprehension is terrible on here.

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/03/2026 21:06

SarzWix · 21/03/2026 20:53

Why do people keep accusing OP of being on social media?! They said that they were checking for an expected text message, and the vile man assumed they were on social media. Honestly, reading comprehension is terrible on here.

She. And sex is relevant here because it seems a lot less likely that the man would have treated another man like that.

San8 · 21/03/2026 21:32

There is no excuse for aggressive behaviour or bad language. This is the bottom line.

I have come across people who I perceive to be hogging a machine or bench and simply ask if I can work in and do reps between their rests. It's pretty simple gym etiquette. Since when does someone have to have a machine to themselves if they are only working on it 10% of the time they are occupying it?

Janicchoplin · 21/03/2026 22:57

DuchessofStaffordshire · 21/03/2026 19:25

I let people work in with me (where possible) especially if the gym is busy as it is good established gym etiquette. If I'm using the plate loaded leg press it'd be a bit of a faff especially if the other person lifted a lot less, or more than me so I'd explain to them how many sets I have left and let them wait. If I'm using the cables I'm usually more than happy for anyone to work in.

Never have i in my 20 plus years of using various gyms seen people share equipment that were not friends. Especially since covid. Nor have I ever seen such disgusting bullying behaviour.

Its awful. I wouldn't also condone it by making excuses.

Ophir · 22/03/2026 03:28

SarzWix · 21/03/2026 20:53

Why do people keep accusing OP of being on social media?! They said that they were checking for an expected text message, and the vile man assumed they were on social media. Honestly, reading comprehension is terrible on here.

The op said they were on Facebook looking for tradesmen

GaIadriel · 22/03/2026 04:28

I wouldn't have got up. What was he going to do? Manhandle you off the machine?

But yeah I can see how it'd be intimidating. I actually find the big commercial gyms to be the worst for knobheads and I'm actually thinking of going back to a hardcore gym like my old one that closed over lockdown. I only joined this one to train with my mate and she's stopped coming.

At the independent gyms people don't usually slam the weights around or neglect to remove their plates from the bar etc. They'd get told pretty quick. But if you want a nice modern gym to do typical cardio etc then I think you either have to pay for an upmarket one or deal with some scrubs tbh. I'm happy to train around meatheads though as I'm a pretty advanced lifter. They're usually welcoming IME.

That said, I'll happily ask people how many sets they've got left. It just means you can go and do something else if they're going to be ages - they might be on the squat rack for almost halfhour if going heavy. I think it's not always a bad idea to let them know you're waiting as long as you're polite. Otherwise they'll often just sit there texting away in their own little world. I don't think it's rushing them. There's no reason you should be sat on a lat pulldown machine for ten minutes.

In more hardcore gyms it seems to be the done thing to offer them to 'work in' - basically doing their set while you rest. But nobody has ever offered in a commercial gym and I rarely accept anyway as I appreciate most people like to do their own thing.

Marchitectmummy · 22/03/2026 04:36

Really the issue here is the gym overselling membership so that members are arguing with each other to get on machines

My advice is pay more for a better gym with less members. Or accept you are in with the masses anx have to put up with scrambling for machines and arguments

GaIadriel · 22/03/2026 04:37

Ophir · 22/03/2026 03:28

The op said they were on Facebook looking for tradesmen

Which tbf probs means she was taking longer than usual as generally you wait 90 seconds between sets. Defo not a few minutes unless powerlifting etc. But the guy was still out of order.

GaIadriel · 22/03/2026 04:41

Marchitectmummy · 22/03/2026 04:36

Really the issue here is the gym overselling membership so that members are arguing with each other to get on machines

My advice is pay more for a better gym with less members. Or accept you are in with the masses anx have to put up with scrambling for machines and arguments

My gym has a capacity of 250 and is usually pretty full. I rarely have an issue getting on machines though as they have a lot. Just occasionally have to wait a few mins but it's rare. Worst is gyms without enough squat racks as this is when people usually take ages. Mine has four double sided power cages so eight people can squat at once.

GaIadriel · 22/03/2026 04:58

I defo disagree that it's rude to ask if someone appears to be fucking about. As long as you're not aggressive with it. It's shared equipment and you should be considerate of other members. If somebody tells me they're doing 5x3 heavy squats with 3-5 mins rest in between that's fine. However, sitting on your phone for five mins between sets of tricep pushdowns is taking the piss.

I'd wager that most people who disagree wouldn't be happy with somebody holding up the queue at a supermarket checkout or at the bar whilst messing around on their phone. They'd ask if that person was waiting to be served or not.

I see it all the time. People who've just finished work and are in chill mode. If I've just worked a 12-13 hour day, spent an hour in traffic, and need to be in bed in two hours for an 04:30 start I'm not going to sit and watch somebody texting for ten mins when I'm already pushed for time to finish my workout and get home to shower/cook/eat.