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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
SarzWix · 22/03/2026 16:40

Ophir · 22/03/2026 03:28

The op said they were on Facebook looking for tradesmen

No, they didn't. As I said, reading comprehension... The OP said, and I quote, "I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job". The vile man brought up Facebook, no one else.

SarzWix · 22/03/2026 23:43

GaIadriel · 22/03/2026 04:37

Which tbf probs means she was taking longer than usual as generally you wait 90 seconds between sets. Defo not a few minutes unless powerlifting etc. But the guy was still out of order.

Except that the OP did not say that they were on FB, FFS. Can nobody read these days??!!

GaIadriel · 23/03/2026 00:23

Sirzy · 18/03/2026 15:43

some people here would have a heart attack if they saw my training plan - depending what I’m doing I can have up to 3 minutes (properly timed in the program app) between sets! I think some people don’t appreciate that importance of rest depending what your doing.

I often take five mins between deadlift sets. I managed a whole seven mins the other day while doing singles.

KeyLimeCake · 23/03/2026 11:15

Grendel7 · 21/03/2026 20:24

Very unreasonable, you were on your phone while he could have been using the equipment. It doesnt belong to you only!

So you would have let him on.
If he was doing 5 minute lifting and 30 seconds breaks, how many sets would you have allowed him to do before asking to go back on?
Or would you have walked away completely?

ParmaVioletTea · 23/03/2026 13:39

GaIadriel · 23/03/2026 00:23

I often take five mins between deadlift sets. I managed a whole seven mins the other day while doing singles.

I was doing extremely heavy sled pulls today (just under 300 kilos) and had 4 minute rests between sets.

Obviously, I'm extremely selfish. Wink

GaIadriel · 23/03/2026 21:21

ParmaVioletTea · 23/03/2026 13:39

I was doing extremely heavy sled pulls today (just under 300 kilos) and had 4 minute rests between sets.

Obviously, I'm extremely selfish. Wink

Edited

Nice! I recently hit 180kg on the DL. Admittedly with the trap bar but still pretty chuffed.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/03/2026 08:02

If you're waiting that long between sets though surely you could let others on in between. I could have my couple of sets done while you are resting.

Judetiff · 24/03/2026 12:30

One of my biggest bugbears is people hogging machines whilst sitting there using their phones. I wish people who run gyms would put a stop to it; however, this bloke behaved like an ignorant bully and quite frankly, he should be banned.

Sirzy · 24/03/2026 12:45

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/03/2026 08:02

If you're waiting that long between sets though surely you could let others on in between. I could have my couple of sets done while you are resting.

It depends what your doing though. I’m a short arse so have to change seats etc before I start, it’s not feesible to change it between every 1 minute set so someone else can have a go.

when I am deadlifting I am picking up 90kg plus now. I’m not going to let someone else set up their weight then have to set mine back up between each rest. Setting up the barbell is a workout in itself anyway!

ParmaVioletTea · 24/03/2026 13:56

GaIadriel · 23/03/2026 21:21

Nice! I recently hit 180kg on the DL. Admittedly with the trap bar but still pretty chuffed.

Wow. Strong woman!!!! I dream of hitting 110 k on my deads - stuck at 107.5 at the moment - that little 2.5 kilos is proving very heavy.

ParmaVioletTea · 24/03/2026 14:05

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/03/2026 08:02

If you're waiting that long between sets though surely you could let others on in between. I could have my couple of sets done while you are resting.

Happy to let you work in on my 300 kilo sled pull!

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/03/2026 14:27

I used to go on about ten different machines in the gym but do mostly free weights now using the workouts on the app to change things up a bit. Have to say I hardly ever have to wait for anything even at busy times.

MeandT · 24/03/2026 20:21

racierach · 21/03/2026 06:50

It’s not selfish.
i am entitled to use a machine. If im doing 3 sets and resting 2 mins in between then im using it for what 7 mins in total.

I see a lot of you have know idea what you are talking about. You are supposed to rest during sets. Otherwise you risk injury. If I chose to look at my phone in those 2 mins or stare into space for 2 mins who cares.

I get the frustration at someone sat on your phone for 10 mins not actually doing anything but that’s not what I (or others) are doing.

That's the very DEFINITION of selfish!!! And, as you say yourself, entitled.

If you're resting 2 mins between sets, I can have half if my 4 sets done before you finish if we work in together...

Why would I wait 7 minutes before I can even start? 2 minutes us more than enough to wipe down (twice), move the backrest & pin and do your 6/10/whatever reps and switch back. Barbells & sleds I understand are different.

This is why people ask how many sets someone has left/how long their rest gaps are though - that is entirely reasonable and shouldn't ever be discouraged.

The way this guy went about it with OP was completely wrong. But I'd be dark if half of you turned up at my gym and thought you'd just sit there doing nothing when 2 extra people could be getting a proper workout in the same time period instead of just you!

ParmaVioletTea · 24/03/2026 20:51

Just as well you don't go to my gym then @MeandT because your attitude wouldn't be welcome.

MeandT · 24/03/2026 21:33

ParmaVioletTea · 24/03/2026 20:51

Just as well you don't go to my gym then @MeandT because your attitude wouldn't be welcome.

Fine by me...it's probably one I've left already or wouldn't be prepared to pay the exorbitant fees for anyway. I want to turn up, do my workout in the minimum time possible, and get out. I'm not interested in admiring the form of other people's rest periods!

SockPlant · 24/03/2026 21:37

YellowHatt · 18/03/2026 12:30

How he spoke to you was completely unacceptable.

Separately, the etiquette is that you offer to share the machine ie he uses it while you’re resting and you use it while he’s resting.

there is no machine sharing at my gym. Etiquette is that you take 30 seconds to a minute between sets, and in that time everyone else just waits their turn, and uses a different machine.

If you are doing one of those where you need more than a minute between sets, then you can share if you want.

@HuffandPuffandPuff practice ignoring people who pull stunts like this. Keep your earbuds in, and if they ask a question just hold up however many fingers for remaining reps then get back on with your set.

MeandT · 24/03/2026 21:45

@SockPlant well at least your gym is hood enough to have a clear policy on the matter. I certainly wouldn't bother joining one that said sitting around hogging kit without using it for 2 minutes or more was absolutely fine without letting anyone else swap sets...

I think it would help if EVERY gym actually had a written policy on this so each tribe can gravitate towards what actually suits them for their 25 minute / 90 minutes pf waiting around for other people to finish - as they see fit!

SockPlant · 24/03/2026 21:56

it is etiquette not to fuck around messing with the machine settings when someone is doing 4 sets with a short break in between.

Especially if it is huge sweaty men because not only do you have to reset, you have to do a LOT of wiping down.

So it is generally agreed that there is no need to share equipment - you can offer if you want - but nobody where i go faffs around doom scrolling while hogging a piece of equipment. And if i was waiting to use something and someone was doing that? i'd get the staff involved. My gym is open 24/7 but it isn't one of those cheapo ones, and there are always plenty of staff there between 7am and 10pm

GaIadriel · 25/03/2026 23:35

ParmaVioletTea · 24/03/2026 13:56

Wow. Strong woman!!!! I dream of hitting 110 k on my deads - stuck at 107.5 at the moment - that little 2.5 kilos is proving very heavy.

Thanks! You're pulling some decent weight there. I seem to have a habit of not progressing for a while. Or so I think. Then one day I'm feeling extra strong and make a fairly big jump. Like an extra 10kg. Usually after eating a few donuts at work. 🤣

I usually do 3x5 and then deload to 3x3 when I struggle, and then work back up with good form. I hardly ever do singles aside from when I want to test my max (probs why it seems I'm making big jumps). I don't even know what my conventional pull is atm. It was 150kg a year ago but I had a bad few months when working nights and lost some strength.

Catladywithacat · 26/03/2026 02:26

Hope he is banned

EvelynBeatrice · 28/03/2026 08:31

MeandT · 24/03/2026 20:21

That's the very DEFINITION of selfish!!! And, as you say yourself, entitled.

If you're resting 2 mins between sets, I can have half if my 4 sets done before you finish if we work in together...

Why would I wait 7 minutes before I can even start? 2 minutes us more than enough to wipe down (twice), move the backrest & pin and do your 6/10/whatever reps and switch back. Barbells & sleds I understand are different.

This is why people ask how many sets someone has left/how long their rest gaps are though - that is entirely reasonable and shouldn't ever be discouraged.

The way this guy went about it with OP was completely wrong. But I'd be dark if half of you turned up at my gym and thought you'd just sit there doing nothing when 2 extra people could be getting a proper workout in the same time period instead of just you!

I disagree. If someone is on a machine leave them alone! Don't speak to them. Just wait or do something else. Stop policing or querying other’s usage. They have the same right to be there as you do. If someone is behaving improperly then the gym should be asked to handle it - not nosey Nora or aggressive Adam.

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