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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
samspotato · 18/03/2026 12:56

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

What a load of shit. You rest between reps. If she wants to look at her phone during that rest that’s nothing to do with him or anyone else. It’s gym etiquette to just wait politely and op is right, he wouldn’t have said that to a man. He is a bully and should be banned for intimidating behaviour.

Don’t let him put you off op, you did nothing wrong.

MajorProcrastination · 18/03/2026 12:57

I use my phone while resting between sets as I log the weights in an app to track my progress. We do have signs in the gym about phone use while sitting on machines but like you say, if it's 30 seconds, that's not what it's about.

You were right to report him because he was aggressive and made you feel uncomfortable. I'd escalate to an email or letter of complaint to the gym to help them to formally log the incident but also to help you to get your point across. It's that kind of behaviour that can put women in particular off from visiting gyms.

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 12:58

what a prick! seriously, what gym goer doesn't go in their phone in rest periods? sorry you experienced this op, you did nothing wrong and his behaviour was entirely unacceptable.

what gym are you at, if you don't mind me asking? i'd imagine the t&cs prohibit anti-social behaviour and as such could be grounds for his membership to be terminated. why should you be scared away from your own gym?

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:58

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 12:53

A lot of people use apps on their phones to guide and time their workouts. I do intervals which might have me rowing for say, 3"x 10 with staggered rests in between intervals, done could be 3 minutes. I also wear a heart rate monitor. I need a phone for that.

You can't ban phones, they've become part of many people's training.

Edited

Your argument isn't unreasonable but tbh i just hear blah blah blah.

Buy a stop watch to time, i suspect most smart watched have an app for that. Most machines in the gym have HR monitors on them if not a smart watch will have an app for it.

Having a phone in the gym won't make you any fitter or bring you any real benefit.

susiedaisy1912 · 18/03/2026 12:58

His behaviour was out of line, don’t let it put you off going back op……..But going on your phone in between sets is rude unless you are timing yourself and it’s definitely less than 30 seconds each time.

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 12:59

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

using your phone during a rest is not an 'incident'!

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 13:00

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:58

Your argument isn't unreasonable but tbh i just hear blah blah blah.

Buy a stop watch to time, i suspect most smart watched have an app for that. Most machines in the gym have HR monitors on them if not a smart watch will have an app for it.

Having a phone in the gym won't make you any fitter or bring you any real benefit.

Really odd take. My training programme is on my phone as is that of many people I know... and yes my rest periods are timed! It's 2026 and totally normal for people to use their phone in the gym.

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 13:02

susiedaisy1912 · 18/03/2026 12:58

His behaviour was out of line, don’t let it put you off going back op……..But going on your phone in between sets is rude unless you are timing yourself and it’s definitely less than 30 seconds each time.

The gym staff member who took my statement even said to me about this group of men: “but it’s ok when they’re on their phones” whilst rolling his eyes.

To be fair, I’ve seen people just sit on a machine using their phone but not actually working out and it is bloody annoying when you’re waiting. I do try and not take the piss. I just try and multi-task between sets, I was checking a list of tradies on facebook. I know it’s an issue at the gym in general.

OP posts:
Ninerainbows · 18/03/2026 13:05

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 13:00

Really odd take. My training programme is on my phone as is that of many people I know... and yes my rest periods are timed! It's 2026 and totally normal for people to use their phone in the gym.

I wouldn't do a couple of 30 minutes 5ks on the treadmill a week and a 5 mile bike without listening to music or a podcast!

Buttercream101 · 18/03/2026 13:05

Using your phone between weight sets is completely common in these gyms. Men more than women tbh. So you were fine because that is standard way to take a rest break.

He was out of order and no doubt wouldn't have spoken to a man that way.

Next time you see him loudly call him out on it 'how many women have you been aggressively bullying off machines this week'.

SOME men do just think they have some divine right over the machines. I was on my last set and had been using a machine for 10 minutes & about finished, when a PT came over and said he was already using that machine with his client. I was quite perplexed given there was no one around when I started and I had been there for a while 😂. Did an extra set just to annoy him.

EmpressaurusKitty · 18/03/2026 13:06

Being chased off a machine during my minute break is one reason I switched to free weights. Sharing a barbell with someone is a lot simpler than getting on & off the machine & changing the settings each time.

My phone has my workout plan, notes for when I’ve changed to heavier weights, timer & whatever I’m currently listening to. I suppose I could take a notebook & pen, wear a watch & use an iPod but it would be a lot more faff.

Eatinpeachesonthebeaches · 18/03/2026 13:06

He was an utter dick no doubt. People on their phones in the gym is bloody irritating though. People regularly hog equipment when on them for more than 5 minutes ie beyond rest periods between sets. Usually chaps. I must be very old school as I leave my phone in the locker and have perfected a Paddington hard glare for offenders. Many of us are pressed for time and pissing around isn't appreciated. This is also why I go to a staffed gym.

ziggadee · 18/03/2026 13:08

I go to a sole trader company all-men's bodybuilder gym. I am the only female who goes there.

Bonus is it is always quiet.

It's run by a local businessman and he would be LIVID if anything like this happened there. I am 100% confident that it never would.

I do not blame you for being upset one bit. Was he perhaps on droids? That can cause anger issues in men. But equally likely he was a chauvinist who has an anger issue and thinks women are beneath him.

If that did happen to me I would've stayed put although I understand why you didn't.
Ironically he likely caused you to be longer than you would've been by having this stupid altercation with you!

WhatAMarvelousTune · 18/03/2026 13:12

I’d bet money that with a groups of guys there together, at least one of whom is clearly unreasonable, if OP had offered to let him work in, she wouldn’t have got that machine back.

samspotato · 18/03/2026 13:13

The other option would have been to offer to share the machine with him - so he uses it during your rest period then you get back on while he rests and so on. I doubt he would have accepted that though as it sounds like he wanted to mouth off and asset his macho authority. Absolute dickhead.

Also don’t get all this guff about phones. Everyone I see in the gym is listening to music or a podcast. What difference does it make if you’re sat looking at a phone between reps or sat staring into space. You still need to rest. People obviously just don’t like the look of it.

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 13:15

samspotato · 18/03/2026 13:13

The other option would have been to offer to share the machine with him - so he uses it during your rest period then you get back on while he rests and so on. I doubt he would have accepted that though as it sounds like he wanted to mouth off and asset his macho authority. Absolute dickhead.

Also don’t get all this guff about phones. Everyone I see in the gym is listening to music or a podcast. What difference does it make if you’re sat looking at a phone between reps or sat staring into space. You still need to rest. People obviously just don’t like the look of it.

it doesn't sound like op's rest period was long enough to allow for this man to set up the machine (unless they are the same size and using the same weights etc) and do his set.

skyeisthelimit · 18/03/2026 13:22

His behaviour was awful and you were right to report him if he was intimidating.

You should not have been on your phone to trades people though. If you want to message trades people, don't do it while you are at the gym.

You both need to learn from the incident

Iamwhoiamwhoareyou · 18/03/2026 13:24

Why should he have to wait whilst you scroll on social media whilst blocking access to gym equipment? Phones have no place in the gym - I'd be pissed off too if i was waiting whilst someone "rested" and scrolled on FB without moving out of the way - Your behavior was rude, which triggered a rude interaction (he shouldn't have spoken to you like that, but I get the frustration, especially with gyms being taken over by posing social media users)

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 13:26

I don't have either a stopwatch or a smart watch. I use my phone. The rowers don't have heart rate monitors and frankly, I prefer my Polar.

I have access to multiple workouts and my log book on my phone. My resting heart rate has come down and VO2 improved so my training plan has had a significant positive health impact.

Fitness info is changing rapidly and it sounds like yours is a bit out of date.

Flamingojune · 18/03/2026 13:26

The phone thing would really annoy me. If u need to rest between reps and someone is waiting just shorten the rest . He was rude but you were entitled

CheesyToes · 18/03/2026 13:29

horrible that he spoke to you in this way and I very much doubt that he would say this to a man. Please hold your head high and do your thing..

One thing I would be mindful of is using your phone between sets, I know you said it was just a 30 second rest but in my experience I have seen people hog machines for 20-30 mins just scrolling.

I am a runner - during the winter months I join the gym to use the treadmills and get full view of the machines, I could do a 30-40 min run and in that time see someone sat on the leg machine the entire time scrolling... happens more often than not which must be frustrating for those that are waiting...

Ninerainbows · 18/03/2026 13:31

Now I think about it, my gym has an app to unlock the door which has guided workouts and class timetables on it so I'm not sure they intend for us to leave our phone at home. They won't issue key fobs any more.

CheesyToes · 18/03/2026 13:31

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 13:26

I don't have either a stopwatch or a smart watch. I use my phone. The rowers don't have heart rate monitors and frankly, I prefer my Polar.

I have access to multiple workouts and my log book on my phone. My resting heart rate has come down and VO2 improved so my training plan has had a significant positive health impact.

Fitness info is changing rapidly and it sounds like yours is a bit out of date.

I don't use my phone either, the way I see it is gym time is for a workout. Not for work, social media, whatsapp etc... I may occasionally grab my phone to note down the weight I lifted but tbh, I am happy to be old school and use pen and paper lol.. My watch is used for timings etc..

twentyeightfishinthepond · 18/03/2026 13:39

The gym has handled this badly. Perhaps they want to lose their female subscribers.

TerribleAtUsernames · 18/03/2026 13:41

I train 4-5 times a week, rests between sets are completely normal I usually have a minute or two between mine, 30 seconds rest after going full out on a weight would definitely not be enough for me so those saying to shorten them that is definitely not possible (unless you’re super setting and training two different exercises at once but you’d still need a rest period eventually) and I also log all my workouts on my phone and listen to music on my headphones so am usually on that between sets, the only alternative for me would be to take a notepad and pen with me (some people do this at my gym but would be a pain for me).

Never had a single issue at either of the gyms I’ve used doing this (one being a commercial gym and one a backstreet old school gym) l, he was a dick, I wouldn’t pay it any mind, you’ve complained if he has a problem he can take it up with management but don’t let it put you off going again.