To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

[HuffandPuffandPuff]

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

Very true! I’m pleased I go to a small gym where everyone actually understands how a training plan works and why rest is vital.

If that's what you're lifting no one is going to have the guts to even think about biting you, oooft! 👌

Most gyms? Literally never heard this in my life and I've been a member of many gyms for years.

I use my phone because it's the only thing that keeps me right and motivated at the gym. I have my entire workout on there. A list of what machines to use in what order and weight to use, then I use an app where the instructors guide me through my work out, then I finish with 30 mins cardio where I listen to a podcast. Without these things I just wouldn't do it. Id get flustered and give up. I need the regiment. Literally never had a problem or ever had it mentioned to me

Because this thread is full of people who don’t know anything about lifting weights with a programme and an actual goal that requires progressive overload and rest between sets. They see someone on their phone and think they shouldn’t be doing that, they shouldn’t be sat doing nothing on a machine. But anyone worth their salt in that gym space knows how to build muscle and to those people, being on your phone between sets for up to 3ish minutes doesn’t bother them. Because they know what you’re doing and if they want to use the machine they ask to work in.

Bullshit. I've never been to a gym where there's a rule against phone use while working out. It's the norm. People log their workouts, listen to music or audiobooks, count down their sets, even scroll while they're doing their rest intervals, film themselves to check their form, that's all the norm. My gym has had programs to hook your phone to for years. Some of the equipment will pair with your phone. This is not new.

We don't share machines here either.

The only place phones aren't allowed in the gym is changing rooms.

Some people are seriously stuck in the past century here.

He might have thought you were using your phone instead of the machine. I tried to use the stand up machine today and some guy was using it. Well just standing in front of it really. Not using it. But to each their own. I didn’t get to use the machine. A little annoying but I’ll live.

However. The gym is a shared space and everyone has the right to use the gym free from harassment, intimidation or bullying. There is never an excuse to talk to anyone like that. No raised voices, no swearing and definitely no aggression. That’s a toxic culture and it cannot be tolerated. I would never do that and would not accept it from anyone.

this guy was totally out of place. Would he have done that to a guy twice his size? No. He figured he could pick on you and so he swore at you. Disgusting. Totally unacceptable to victimise someone like that.

i’m very sorry you experienced that. I know that feeling. That knot in your stomach feeling where, after that, you just don’t want to go back. I hope you do go back, and have better experiences. Sorry this happened to you. Completely not ok.

I totally agree with this.
Why can people not cope without looking at their mobile phones every few minutes?

For aaaaallllllllll the reasons mentioned on this thread.

The equipment (other than free weights) at my gym have QR codes on so you can log your work out, and little holders for your phone so you can see the screen while you work.

Well I wouldn’t know what was next on my plan if I didn’t look at my phone!

He didn’t want to share. Like I said previously 25 minutes of being in the office and he and his group of friends were still there using the machine I’d had to leave.

I had 4 sets of 5 to do. It wasn’t going to take long.

And how about we flip my entitlement to the man’s entitlement? Is it ok to swear aggressively at people because you feel you’re entitled to your workout?

I was on one of four identical machines.

Those suggesting sharing, do you actually go to the gym?
Between resetting all the different knobs and levers on the equipment so it's the right size for you, changing the weight, sometimes even swapping the hand grips out and wiping it down, it's not worth swapping out. Otherwise you'll be doing a poor workout with machines not calibrated to your needs and sitting in someone's visible arse sweat.
Id say my gym is fairly relaxed about most things but wiping down after use is huge.

Thanks to all the people who have confirmed it was shitty behaviour.

To the people who think it’s acceptable to swear and get aggressively angry with someone because you’re inconvenienced then I hope you’re never on the receiving end of it and I really hope that’s not how you expect people to behave in life. I’ll certainly continue to be mindful of my phone use in the gym. I might even take the advice of many of you and just complain to anyone I see on their phone whilst using equipment, although I better prepare for some really long sessions if I do that because it’ll take a while!!

I’m making a formal complaint to the gym and will be requesting to see CCTV to see if the other machines were free and if not, who they were occupied by. I am also curious to see him and his friends’ behaviour afterwards.

I’ll be asking for the thread to be closed now as it’s obvious the trolls and the redpillers are lurking. Stay safe everyone and happy working out!

If men of any size shout or swear at me, I shout back louder or swear back in technicolour. I’m not frightened of anyone, but often the adrenaline or the shock causes me to burst into tears immediately after.

Just ignore him - I doubt he will say anything again but if he does and you’re not up to fighting back, just yell for security / staff HELP!! at the top of your lungs. That should make him back the heck off.

The OP has said that she was using her phone for another (albeit valid reason).
I'm probably being a bit grumpy due to the amount of people in the street / supermarket who have nearly walked into me recently because they are just staring blankly at their phone. It really annoys me.
Sorry OP if I was blunt.

@HuffandPuffandPuff more strength to you!

And do come and join us in The Weights Room where we understand sets, reps, and rest breaks.

You've clearly never done any weight training in your life. My trainer's had me resting for between 30sec and 3 mins depending on the training I was doing. A few seconds rest would be a very inefficient way to work out.

Funny how this man didn't approach anyone using the other 3 identical machines. Its almost as if this was never about using a machine...

That's not really true. I've explained it at least a couple of times myself, as have others.

The issue is that lots of people end up getting carried away on social media etc. That means that their rest breaks take much longer which isn't fair when there's other people waiting to use the equipment.

If you can say, hand on heart, that you have a strictly timed rest and that you're not taking a lot longer because you're sat there scrolling on social media while others are waiting to use the equipment, then that's fine.

Equally, using your phone for functions associated with the workout is completely fine. That could be tracking your workout, changing the music, etc.

The actual issue - to make it patently clear - is that people take the piss and don't think about other gym users. If the gym is quiet, then do what you want. But when people are waiting for machines it's really unfair to take up EXTRA time because you want to look through social media. If your rest phase takes three minutes, and you use those three minutes to send a text that it really doesn't matter. But if your rest phase should take three minutes and it ends up taking 7, 8, 9, 10 minutes or longer because you've lost track of time scrolling or chatting on messager, then you're being a selfish git.

I think part of the misunderstanding here is that there are gym users who take their workouts seriously and know exactly how long their rest phase should be. And then there are others who treat going to the gym as a social outing (which is fine) - but linger on machines and use them more of a seat than a piece of workout equipment. They're not really timing how long their rest periods are, nor do they really care that much, and that's what ends up causing the general frustration.

It's got nothing to do with the size of the weights, it's to do with the type of training you arw doing.

But jumping in means adjusting usually multiple settings, changing the weight and wiping down the equipment. That can be a full minute before they've even started their set. Add in a couple of minutes for their set and then another minute to reset and wipe down again, and what should have been a 1 minute rest period turns into over 5 minutes. Its an inefficient way to work out for both parties.

Using equipment is not hogging it. And i think posters were calling it gross if there is no wipe down. Which it is, why would you want to be touching a stranger's sweat?

Roid rage twat.

If you see him another time report him again for the same threatening behaviour.

If you have any friends there get them to report him too. Fuck him he needs to get banned.

Leave a review on their Google page.

Part - or all - of the 'misunderstanding' could also be down to you not reading the OP's posts, where she said there were other machines of the same type free. You just decided to project all your past issues with gym users onto her.

YANBU of course but highly unlikely you'll get to see the CCTV.

Nope.

I'm not actually talking about OP and I didn't say I was.

The thread of the conversation I was replying to was about PP who think it's outrageous that they shouldn't scroll on social media while they're waiting for their rest period to pass. And then others who think there's no reasonable reason for people to get irritated by gym users who sit on their phones.

I was explaining the very specific circumstances when it's irritating and why it's irritating.

At no point did I say that's what OP did.

People on their phones inbetween sets boil my piss. He was rude but tbh, I feel like this most of the time as it is such a constant problem..