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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
domenica1 · 18/03/2026 12:21

With you 100pc OP. Total wanker. Don’t let him put you off.

HattiesBag · 18/03/2026 12:22

He's vile. I'm glad you reported him

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

nonmerci99 · 18/03/2026 12:23

This is why I lift weights at home. Sorry this happened to you.

RoseField1 · 18/03/2026 12:24

They need to sanction him. It's not ok just to speak to him.

bonnemaman1990 · 18/03/2026 12:25

Go back with your head held high. He’s a massive twat. Don’t let him put you off keeping fit. Even if you were on social media
you don’t need to justify it to anyone, you’re using the machine and he can wait. Entitled arsehole.

genevieve179 · 18/03/2026 12:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

beefthief · 18/03/2026 12:26

He overreacted massively to your selfish behaviour

Greenwitchart · 18/03/2026 12:29

Sorry this happened to you.

This is one of the reasons I stopped using gyms. Too many aggressive men. I also had to report a man to staff once for not respecting my personal space and for getting angry after I told him to back off.

Had many issues in swimming pools too.

Frankly I am starting to think we need women only gyms and women only pool sessions to become more common because there are always guys like this who can't behave correctly.

I would push for the gym to ban him from the premises.

YellowHatt · 18/03/2026 12:30

How he spoke to you was completely unacceptable.

Separately, the etiquette is that you offer to share the machine ie he uses it while you’re resting and you use it while he’s resting.

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 12:30

I do interval workouts and I'm looking at my phone to see when the interval is over. My app has countdowns. This is common.

He was way out of line and you did right to report him. I would take this up to management that you now no longer feel safe, he needs to be out of there. They need to make it clear the gym is a safe space and it's completely unacceptable to get aggressive with people and it will result in being banned. You've got a personal safety issue in your gym and it needs to be addressed.

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:34

YellowHatt · 18/03/2026 12:30

How he spoke to you was completely unacceptable.

Separately, the etiquette is that you offer to share the machine ie he uses it while you’re resting and you use it while he’s resting.

I would have perhaps suggested that if he hadn’t started off being so rude. As I was doing super short sets of 5 reps I knew I’d be done really quickly.

There’s 3 other of the same machines too, which is why I was so perplexed.

In my experience, it’s only ever men who say “how many sets left?” And they never preface it with “excuse me…” or say “would it be ok if we shared please?”. I’d never ask to share. I just go oh well, I’ll go do something else and wait until it’s free. Which I get can be frustrating when you’re pushed for time but there’s plenty of other stuff to do at the gym.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 18/03/2026 12:39

You were right to report him. No need for such an over-reaction. However you were very rude too imo - you don’t sit on machines on your phone when others want to use them, that’s infuriating for others.

KeyLimeCake · 18/03/2026 12:40

Gosh. I've nothing useful to say as I would also not want to go back to that gym unless I was sure he wouldn't be there.
What kind of people were using the other same machines?
What were they doing between sets?

NewZebra · 18/03/2026 12:43

beefthief · 18/03/2026 12:26

He overreacted massively to your selfish behaviour

Selfish? She was literally having half a minutes rest between sets. Get a grip.

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

tedibear · 18/03/2026 12:46

He was out of order. I understand how frustrating it is when you’re waiting on a machine and it seems someone is messing about on their phone though.

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:46

KeyLimeCake · 18/03/2026 12:40

Gosh. I've nothing useful to say as I would also not want to go back to that gym unless I was sure he wouldn't be there.
What kind of people were using the other same machines?
What were they doing between sets?

I don’t know. It was busy in the gym.

I could ask to see the CCTV I guess. I’d be interested to see the behaviour of the man and his friends after the incident.

OP posts:
Weeelokthen · 18/03/2026 12:47

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

Yeah, one womans 30s is anothers 3 mins.

popcornandpotatoes · 18/03/2026 12:47

Yanbu. I wonder if the pp moaning about people on their phones in the gym understand you're supposed to take rests between sets. What you do in that time is entirely up to you. And no you don't to share with some random, that is gross and unnecessary

Ophir · 18/03/2026 12:51

YellowHatt · 18/03/2026 12:30

How he spoke to you was completely unacceptable.

Separately, the etiquette is that you offer to share the machine ie he uses it while you’re resting and you use it while he’s resting.

yes to this.

you should have offered to let him work in

he shouldn’t have sworn at you. You shouldn’t have been looking on Facebook mid set

Ophir · 18/03/2026 12:52

popcornandpotatoes · 18/03/2026 12:47

Yanbu. I wonder if the pp moaning about people on their phones in the gym understand you're supposed to take rests between sets. What you do in that time is entirely up to you. And no you don't to share with some random, that is gross and unnecessary

Yes, rests, but not idling on social media and not offering someone to work in

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 12:53

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

A lot of people use apps on their phones to guide and time their workouts. I do intervals which might have me rowing for say, 3"x 10 with staggered rests in between intervals, done could be 3 minutes. I also wear a heart rate monitor. I need a phone for that.

You can't ban phones, they've become part of many people's training.

WellOodelally · 18/03/2026 12:54

I think id be more surprised if you weren’t upset by such an interaction with an angry, inadequate man. It wasn’t ideal to be seen to be faffing on your phone and hogging a machine but his reaction was wildly disproportionate.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 18/03/2026 12:56

You’re actually supposed to wait 1-2 mins between sets. Yes it can be annoying when someone is on the machine you want, but you kind of just have to factor it into your work out time. He 100% would not have spoken to you like that if you were a bloke or if you were with a bloke. Probs has roid rage or something. What a prat.