Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
DuchessofStaffordshire · 18/03/2026 13:42

Flamingojune · 18/03/2026 13:26

The phone thing would really annoy me. If u need to rest between reps and someone is waiting just shorten the rest . He was rude but you were entitled

That's really not how it works.

confusedbydating · 18/03/2026 13:48

Stop giving that gym your money, say they enable intimidating behaviour from male users and find somewhere that protects you to work out. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like that. Male entitlement or what? You told him no, he showed you who he was by the way he handled it. And his friend was the ultimate enabler - like who the hell was he to come in and dictate machine use?

Friendlygingercat · 18/03/2026 13:50

So whats he going to do in a crowded environment in front of witnesses?

Probably a good occasion for the old Mumsnet phrase "fuck off to the other side of fuck and then fuck some more"

Duckyfondant · 18/03/2026 13:51

OP you did the right thing and stood up for yourself. Now to finish the job and get back in there with your head held high. If he so much as glares in your direction, report him again

SatsumaDog · 18/03/2026 14:00

30 seconds between sets is a short rest period. It doesn’t matter that you were on your phone. 30s is 30s. You weren’t being selfish at all.

He was way out of line to speak to you like that. He should have his membership revoked.

forgotmyusername1 · 18/03/2026 14:01

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that. Have to say though it does annoy me when someone hogs the machine for half an hour and does 30 seconds of weights and then 10 mins of facebook scrolling.

Feawen · 18/03/2026 14:02

OP was on one of 3 identical machines, the others were free. She wasn’t holding up his workout. He was being a dick.

Sorry you had this experience, OP, you didn’t do anything to deserve this man’s attitude.

Real lifters know that the rest period is as important as the lifting, and might range from 30 seconds for building endurance to a few minutes for building strength. So he’s not only an arse, but an ignorant one.

If you’re on the only machine then yes it’s polite to offer to work in if that’s practical, or to give a clear idea of when you’ll be finished if not. This doesn’t apply to the OP here though - there were other machines available.

As for using your phone into the gym - why not? It’s the most convenient way to time and record workouts. If someone wants screen free time, fine, but they don’t get to impose it on everyone else.

EvelynBeatrice · 18/03/2026 14:02

Friendlygingercat · 18/03/2026 13:50

So whats he going to do in a crowded environment in front of witnesses?

Probably a good occasion for the old Mumsnet phrase "fuck off to the other side of fuck and then fuck some more"

Lots of men assault women in front of witnesses. Even if prosecuted the often get away with a slap on the wrist.

Vodka1 · 18/03/2026 14:04

Running (???) away and crying because you was told to fuck off is wild.

It's quite a reaction, are you otherwise ok, tip of the iceberg kinda thing?

Both wrong imo, him more so. But some people live and die by the gym so etiquette is important and playing on your phone to message people really could have waited the few minutes until you had finished. I get the frustration. But I guess most people would think it and not say it!

However, he was very rude.

Probably not a huge chance you'll run into him again so I wouldn't avoid going, can't let bullies win!

Chipper28 · 18/03/2026 14:06

skyeisthelimit · 18/03/2026 13:22

His behaviour was awful and you were right to report him if he was intimidating.

You should not have been on your phone to trades people though. If you want to message trades people, don't do it while you are at the gym.

You both need to learn from the incident

This attitude is bizarre. It's the gym, not a cinema or a library. I can't believe the number of posters saying using your phone at the gym is poor etiquette. I love a good rant about etiquette but this is insane.

EvelynBeatrice · 18/03/2026 14:10

Many of us are lucky enough to live in environments where we don’t routinely encounter aggressive men swearing at and making demands of us. It’s natural to feel shaken.

I have been wanting to join a gym again. I haven’t liked any I’ve looked at. Most are huge , smelly, in garish colours and full of men. Unfortunately the woman only gym and unisex spa like one both closed in previous years. Others require a car journey.

I wish that gyms and public swimming pools would look after their female users. The posters story is one I’ve heard so many variants of from other women. The men always seem to get priority and are never sanctioned.

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 14:12

CheesyToes · 18/03/2026 13:31

I don't use my phone either, the way I see it is gym time is for a workout. Not for work, social media, whatsapp etc... I may occasionally grab my phone to note down the weight I lifted but tbh, I am happy to be old school and use pen and paper lol.. My watch is used for timings etc..

Here's what my workout looks like for today. My app shows the all out time, the easy time, the rest time, and has them numbered so I know where I'm at. It's also showing my heart rate, split time, and a graph of my stroke. I wear an accurate heart rate monitor, not a watch.

I can't get that with pen and paper. I have 24 sets and no way would I be able to keep that straight.

Triple Tabata

8 sets of 20 seconds hard followed by 10 seconds easy. Rest for 4 minutes. Repeat the 8 sets. Rest for 4 minutes. Repeat the 8 sets.

GoldDuster · 18/03/2026 14:19

Stand your ground. The fact that his mate followed you to try to appease you lets you know that they're aware that what he did would be seen as out of order.

If he's mad you reported it, fine. It's not your job to comfort men. You'll be known as the woman who got harrassed by that idiot to the point you needed to seek assistance.

He's got no moral ground to stand on to scare you from.

SpidersAreShitheads · 18/03/2026 14:20

I do think there are differences in how phones are used though.

Part of your workout, tracking performance, recording weights etc - fine.
Adjusting your music/podcast - fine.

Scrolling on social media/messaging people/browsing online - not fine.

The issue is that you think you’ll fill your rest time with a quick two-minute look on FB. Ten minutes later, you’re still scrolling… We all know phones have a habit of sucking up time. It’s all too easy to end up “just having a quick look” for much longer than you planned.

OP says she was having a look at a list of tradies on FB - that doesn’t sound like 30 seconds.

You don’t need to be entertained for every second of the day. Surely you can cope with the brief rest period without needing stimulation?! Breathing exercises, thinking about your workout, listening to your podcast/music, noting your workout is all that’s needed to get to the next set of reps.

It’s not about using your phone, it’s what you’re using it for and the tendency to end up accidentally hogging machines.

Obvs this guy was a total dick about it. And he definitely needed to be reported. It’s a bit of a shame that you ran off crying because he got what he wanted. I doubt he’ll care much about being spoken to as he clearly thinks he was in the right. I agree 100% that he wouldn’t have spoken to a man like that. One day he’ll try to intimidate the wrong woman at the gym - hopefully you’ll be there to see him put in his place OP! Don’t let him put you off using the gym.

LewisFerrux · 18/03/2026 14:21

I am always astonished at how bloody selfish men are in the gym. I've watched one wade into the middle of a mainly female class to start using equipment- and the instructor saying nothing but eye rolling. One choosing the pillar that had all the - again female class - water bottles around it to stretch on, when other pillars were available. One deciding that the end of the yoga class was the exact moment he needed to stand right next to 6 resting women and start dropping a 10kg ball. One on one they don't seem to have an issue but it's like they see a group of women and something pops. Luckily most of the time I go there are 2-3 staff members about. I wouldn't pay for a peak membership, DS has one and says it's wall to wall gym bros.**

kathiwasinthenavy · 18/03/2026 14:22

But there were other machines of the same type free! If OP had been sat there scrolling for 45+ seconds on the only leg press machine (or whatever), I'd get it, but why couldn't this guy just use one of the other free ones? Why did he need to use the one OP was on?

handsdownthebest · 18/03/2026 14:28

NewZebra · 18/03/2026 12:43

Selfish? She was literally having half a minutes rest between sets. Get a grip.

Was she tho if she was messaging tradespeople?

JonesTown · 18/03/2026 14:28

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

Definitely not. Virtually everyone in my gym uses their phones for music and workout tips.

It’s also perfectly acceptable and necessary to have a decent break during sets.

Pheebs87 · 18/03/2026 14:31

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

She actually should have longer than 30 seconds between sets as a rest so it doesn't matter if she's on her phone in-between sets. It doesn't give that man the right to be so aggressive and intimidating

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 18/03/2026 14:32

It sounds like most people on this thread need to familiarise themselves with gyms a bit more often! It's totally normal to rest for a minute between sets, 30 seconds is a really short rest and the guy had nothing to moan about.

OP you did nothing wrong, that guy was a dickhead.

He saw a woman and wanted to have a go at her.

I hope you feel better soon.

SMM2020 · 18/03/2026 14:34

God knows what he would have done with me, my resting times on heavy lifts is about 90-120 seconds - what am I meant to do between that time - stand staring at the equipment? No, I go on my phone, update my reps and weights on my app etc. YANBU but don’t let a man intimidate you - as much as I know it’s a worry.

skyeisthelimit · 18/03/2026 14:36

Chipper28 · 18/03/2026 14:06

This attitude is bizarre. It's the gym, not a cinema or a library. I can't believe the number of posters saying using your phone at the gym is poor etiquette. I love a good rant about etiquette but this is insane.

If you are at the gym using machines, then that is what you are doing. Why on earth would you need to message trades people? Just get on with the gym and do your messaging afterwards.

It is insane that people can't put their phones down for 5 minutes.

EmpressaurusKitty · 18/03/2026 14:39

I’m wondering now if this is why the WiFi & signal are both so poor at my gym. To limit the number of users hanging around scrolling.

KeyLimeCake · 18/03/2026 14:40

skyeisthelimit · 18/03/2026 14:36

If you are at the gym using machines, then that is what you are doing. Why on earth would you need to message trades people? Just get on with the gym and do your messaging afterwards.

It is insane that people can't put their phones down for 5 minutes.

What should you be doing on rest periods then?
Would reading a book be ok?

starafuzina · 18/03/2026 14:42

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 12:58

what a prick! seriously, what gym goer doesn't go in their phone in rest periods? sorry you experienced this op, you did nothing wrong and his behaviour was entirely unacceptable.

what gym are you at, if you don't mind me asking? i'd imagine the t&cs prohibit anti-social behaviour and as such could be grounds for his membership to be terminated. why should you be scared away from your own gym?

This! Do please put it all in writing as a follow up email. Completely unacceptable that you were sworn at and his manner sounds really mysogynistic. There’s a physical power imbalance and it sounds as if he was using it to make you feel threatened.

A chain of gyms should have a policy around this and what to do if this behaviour occurs as men behaving like this in gyms is a massive barrier to women’s fitness and wellbeing.

Good luck!