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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
Ladybridgerton25 · 19/03/2026 14:38

lol I’m building muscle very successfully, everyone around me in my gym is generally trying to build muscle unless I’m in the cardio section. We all know rests can take up to 3 minutes between sets depending on your goal for that session. If you don’t know this because you don’t lift/don’t have the knowledge about progressive overload, you really have no business telling the OP she was entitled, took too long, shouldn’t have time to go on her phone etc.

If that guy was muscled up he would have known how to ask about working in, gym etiquette etc as well as the rests needed to build muscle. The fact is he was a bully and an intimidating prat who probably was fuelled by something more than a pre workout to be this rude and bolshy over ONE machine. My guess is he’s part of the red pill community.

OP my gym wouldn’t accept that behaviour, he would have his membership revoked so follow up on the complaint you made.

Ladybridgerton25 · 19/03/2026 14:43

LurkerForLife · 19/03/2026 14:36

also what the hellllllll is this comment thread. Jesus Christ.

It’s full of people who don’t have a clue about this topic and are just trolling

WildLeader · 19/03/2026 15:09

Massive overreaction on your part! Running to the office in tears? Good grief

you shouldn’t have been facebooking, but you could have said to him “30 seconds rest, one more set to go, be done in a minute”

WildLeader · 19/03/2026 15:17

@HuffandPuffandPuff I’m a busy single mum so I’m not going to the gym to dilly dally - I need to be efficient and for me that means I do answer a message in between sets sometimes.

and none of that is relevant to anyone but you.

you’re not the chairman of ICI, everything can wait for an hour while you are in the gym. You could have waited until you’d finished with that machine and THEN done your school gate admin.

He was annoyed by your fucking about on FB, and I don’t blame him.

maybe he DID just want to kick you off the machine, but you were your own worst enemy in the scenario.

this sounds as simple as how people treat those who put their handbags on the seat next to them on the tube. Sometimes the very act of putting your bag on the seat will prompt another to make a new line for that seat, just because you’re showing immense entitlement.

Isobel201 · 19/03/2026 15:18

I used the gym regularly once years ago and I used my phone to note down specific exercises that I needed to do, so I had it out all the time whilst looking up the exercises to do. As long as OP was just checking messages and not scrolling through FB then its fine.

Flamingojune · 19/03/2026 15:19

WildLeader · 19/03/2026 15:17

@HuffandPuffandPuff I’m a busy single mum so I’m not going to the gym to dilly dally - I need to be efficient and for me that means I do answer a message in between sets sometimes.

and none of that is relevant to anyone but you.

you’re not the chairman of ICI, everything can wait for an hour while you are in the gym. You could have waited until you’d finished with that machine and THEN done your school gate admin.

He was annoyed by your fucking about on FB, and I don’t blame him.

maybe he DID just want to kick you off the machine, but you were your own worst enemy in the scenario.

this sounds as simple as how people treat those who put their handbags on the seat next to them on the tube. Sometimes the very act of putting your bag on the seat will prompt another to make a new line for that seat, just because you’re showing immense entitlement.

Quite. We're all busy

EmpressaurusKitty · 19/03/2026 15:27

All this is one reason why I set a timer for breaks, so they really do only last 1 minute.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2026 15:29

That sounds awful OP. You did right to complain. The staff will be extra watchful and should be if you are in the same gym again.

Just out of interest... what was his friend's tone/attitude when he tried to stop you complaining? Was it equally aggressive/dismissive or was he genuinely trying to de escalate. I think it would make me feel a bit happier if it was the latter and I thought he was in a group that were keeping an eye on his behaviour, but I wouldn't like it if they were just all enjoying the drama and complaining or saying that you complaining was over the top. I think the gym should give them all a talking too.. No one likes groups that would pick on one person like this.

I don't get all this no phones in gym stuff.
We have to use the gym's preferred app on our phones to log in to the equipment or it won't work for you. Sometimes it takes a beat to log in etc, so that would worry me.
Also. I'd go mad with boredom if I couldn't listen to something whilst there.

Don't let this idiot stop you going OP...

Sensiblesal · 19/03/2026 15:35

using his size to get in your personal space & intimidate you deserves more than a word. He should be banned from the gym, its totally unacceptable.

don’t let him win, he intended to frighten you and he has. Don’t let him put you off going

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2026 15:35

WildLeader · 19/03/2026 15:09

Massive overreaction on your part! Running to the office in tears? Good grief

you shouldn’t have been facebooking, but you could have said to him “30 seconds rest, one more set to go, be done in a minute”

It's not an over reaction if you are minding your own business in the gym, where you usually go to decompress, and some hulking great overbearing brute starts picking an argument with you and swearing at you and telling you to fuck off.

OP's reaction is that she thought she was in a safe place and this was quite a shock to suddenly be plunged into an argument with an aggressive man and feel unsafe.

Its a common reaction to an very unexpected and unpleasant shock

We don't know her history either. It might be triggering.

If she was expecting him to behave like that and had more warning or time to prepare herself, then her reaction would probably be different.

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:35

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

Why should they be banned, my PT is a staff member at the gym. The app they use is on your phone so when doing the sessions they set that arent face to face it tells you which machines/weights/reps to do and times your rest.

If I am on my phone the timer on my app is on so I may scroll whilst resting till the timer goes off. I dont understand how this is poor behaviour if I am not using any more time than if I was sat there staring into space.

Its not my responsibility how other people behave on their phones.

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:37

Isobel201 · 19/03/2026 15:18

I used the gym regularly once years ago and I used my phone to note down specific exercises that I needed to do, so I had it out all the time whilst looking up the exercises to do. As long as OP was just checking messages and not scrolling through FB then its fine.

Why does it matter what the OP was doing in rest time? I clicked my training app when I finish the last rep and it times my rest, surely its irrelevant what I am doing in that rest time.

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:38

Ladybridgerton25 · 19/03/2026 14:38

lol I’m building muscle very successfully, everyone around me in my gym is generally trying to build muscle unless I’m in the cardio section. We all know rests can take up to 3 minutes between sets depending on your goal for that session. If you don’t know this because you don’t lift/don’t have the knowledge about progressive overload, you really have no business telling the OP she was entitled, took too long, shouldn’t have time to go on her phone etc.

If that guy was muscled up he would have known how to ask about working in, gym etiquette etc as well as the rests needed to build muscle. The fact is he was a bully and an intimidating prat who probably was fuelled by something more than a pre workout to be this rude and bolshy over ONE machine. My guess is he’s part of the red pill community.

OP my gym wouldn’t accept that behaviour, he would have his membership revoked so follow up on the complaint you made.

I was thinking 30 seconds rest sounded short, mine is generally 1.5mins as set by my PT on the gym app

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/03/2026 15:39

Sorry you met such a twat. It is annoying when people appear to be faffing about on a machine and you want to go on it, but you can just ask how long they have to go or do something else.

Also - I use the Pure Gym app for my workouts. Some of them I know off by heart but when I'm doing something new I might look at my phone a lot to see what's next, look again at what I have to do etc.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/03/2026 15:41

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:38

I was thinking 30 seconds rest sounded short, mine is generally 1.5mins as set by my PT on the gym app

Depends what you are doing really. With some of the workouts I do I'm keeping my heart rate up and going from one thing to the next pretty quickly.

BananaSkinShoes · 19/03/2026 15:41

Of course he was out of order.

But people on their phones between sets is SO infuriating. They’ve actually had to put up signs at my gym reminding people not to do this.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/03/2026 15:43

WildLeader · 19/03/2026 15:17

@HuffandPuffandPuff I’m a busy single mum so I’m not going to the gym to dilly dally - I need to be efficient and for me that means I do answer a message in between sets sometimes.

and none of that is relevant to anyone but you.

you’re not the chairman of ICI, everything can wait for an hour while you are in the gym. You could have waited until you’d finished with that machine and THEN done your school gate admin.

He was annoyed by your fucking about on FB, and I don’t blame him.

maybe he DID just want to kick you off the machine, but you were your own worst enemy in the scenario.

this sounds as simple as how people treat those who put their handbags on the seat next to them on the tube. Sometimes the very act of putting your bag on the seat will prompt another to make a new line for that seat, just because you’re showing immense entitlement.

If you make a beeline for a seat with a bag on it in a pretty empty tube carriage then you are the twat. If it's busy then fair enough.

PearlClutchUser · 19/03/2026 15:44

People really take their rests seriously don't they. Its lije the obsession with protein and hydration 😂 you're not an Olympic athlete, if the gym is busy then shorten the rests

ParmaVioletTea · 19/03/2026 15:45

Sounds like steroid rage. The guy’s a dick. And his friends

Go back to the gym. But also email the manager outlining what you’ve told us here and asking what action have they taken.

Tell them you do not feel safe and you had a reasonable fear of physical attack.

I once witnessed a roid rage punch up at a commercial gym I used to attend. I made a formal written complaint about that being allowed to happen.

But don’t let an inadequate insecure toerag put you off. He’s also ignorant: it’s absolutely proper form to rest up to 4 minutes between heavy sets when you’re lifting.

You could tell Mr KnowNothing that if he assaults you again (and threatening language such as he used is part of a legal definition of assault).

Your story makes me so grateful for my current gym where no one would ever behave like that. They’d be kicked out quicker the a World Championship winning goal if they did!

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:46

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/03/2026 15:41

Depends what you are doing really. With some of the workouts I do I'm keeping my heart rate up and going from one thing to the next pretty quickly.

Fair point. Either way 30 seconds is not a long time so not an issue for the awful man TBH.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/03/2026 15:47

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

Good job gyms set the rules then, not ignorant dinosaurs like you.

I use the Pure Gym app on my phone for my workouts, and also listen to music on my phone. You don't get to dictate to anyone else how they ought to work out.

ParmaVioletTea · 19/03/2026 15:48

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

Tell me you know nothing about lifting without telling me.

If you’re going heavy, as @HuffandPuffandPuff was, you need at least a 2 minute rest between sets.

ParmaVioletTea · 19/03/2026 15:51

Weeelokthen · 18/03/2026 12:47

Yeah, one womans 30s is anothers 3 mins.

3 minutes is a perfectly acceptable time to rest between heavy sets. I need longer after double reps of a 100 kilos.

So many people on this thread don’t know gym practices and safe effective weights techniques.

SexyFrenchDepression · 19/03/2026 15:53

BananaSkinShoes · 19/03/2026 15:41

Of course he was out of order.

But people on their phones between sets is SO infuriating. They’ve actually had to put up signs at my gym reminding people not to do this.

Why? If my app is set on a timer for rests between sets why does it matter if I am scrolling?

ParmaVioletTea · 19/03/2026 15:57

A lot of PPs on this thread have no idea about weight lifting and the science of building muscle @SexyFrenchDepression