Someone hit my car nearly 2 weeks ago.

[NewPlumCat]

Hi,
Someone ran their car into the back of me when I was stationary at the traffic which were red. The person said he got distracted by the passengers in the back and said, its just an accident. I was really upset and was trembling with shock and said, well you nearly killed me. He called the emergency service for me and I called the police. My car was totally smashed up from behind. The emergency services came and examined me and took me to A&E where I had scans done and the doctors said I've suffered muscular injury. The man admitted liability to his insurance and I have been given a courtesy car which I haven't drove for nearly 2 weeks. I am going through extreme shock and distress imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios as I've never been hit like this in the 25 years of driving and now can't ever imagine ever getting into a car again and driving because I keep thinking it will happen again and this time it will kill me.
My car has been deemed as a total loss. I need some advice?

You’re actually being quite offensive OP

it wasn’t a tragedy or a near death experience

you don’t know what speed they were travelling at, you have decided it was 40moh with no evidence

you also have no evidence they were on their phone or asleep

calling it tragic or a near death experience is really inappropriate when other posters have actually lost loved ones or live with actual life changing injuries following accidents.

This is going to sound weird, but playing Tetris (a repetitive computer game) has been shown to reduce symptoms of PTSD after car crashes, so you might want to try that. https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms

It sounds like it would help you a lot if you are able to reframe the experience in your mind. Instead of thinking "I nearly died", can you instead start saying to yourself "I was really lucky that the car protected me so well"?

I've been driven into a few times from behind when stationary. It's not nice, but frankly it's far more dangerous for the driver of the other car, because you have the whole of your boot and the back seats of the car to protect you.

All i have got on here is criticism, most people have shown sympathy and have been supportive but the majority have just criticised me. What is there the need to post on someone's thread if they can't show any empathy? And just to let you know, this wasn't the first collision I had. Someone hit my car in 2005 as well when I was waiting to turn right at a main road and they smashed the front of my car which was a write off but it was no way near anything as bad as this accident. I don't want to upload pictures of the damage as it's very disturbing for people to see how badly he hit my car.
You only understand how bad it is when you go through it yourself and it doesn't go away that easily. The trauma stays,, everyone is different and unique and deals with it differently.
Mumsnet is supposed to be a platform where people should be supporting each other but all I got on here from users is criticism and bullying.

You posted on AIBU so people will tell you whether they think it's reasonable or not. If you want medical advice, perhaps ask to move this to a different part of the site for medical queries?

Sorry @NewPlumCat but you really need to stop wallowing in self pity and book some driving lessons to get over your fear.

And no, what happened to you wasn’t tragic, it was an unfortunate accident. What happened to one of my colleagues was tragic, her son was travelling in a car that came off the road and burst into flames. People had to stand by and watch the driver and passengers burn to death as the flames were too fierce to get near the car to get them out. They were all under 20 years old.

And yes, I’ve had someone go into the back of my car - twice. I’ve also been cut out of a car that flipped over and rolled down a hill so have experience of car accidents. Every time, I’ve got back behind the wheel as soon as possible.

I really think you need to see your GP if the anxiety from this accident is affecting you so badly!
You posted on an AIBU board so naturally you are going to get posts where people feel you are being unreasonable.
As someone posted above many people are in car accidents everyday and come out with far more serious injuries or even death. So I really think the anxiety you have is controlling you and you need some professional help for it!

I am so sorry this happened. It must have been an awful shock. I would recommend looking into EMDR therapy. It's particularly effective for trauma. Take care.

People aren’t being overly sympathetic as you are blowing it out of all proportion, it’s not a tragic event or life threatening, you were rear ended, muscular injury.
There are ppl on here who have lost family in RTAs, suffered life changing injuries and here you are banging on and exaggerating.

You came back to the thread a month later to argue with someone and say you know you wouldn’t have over-reacted to something minor………..

You live in Defensive Central.

Has your car been written off?

It must have been scary for you. However, if your head 'nearly touched the windscreen' then the car/taxi possibly wasn't going fast enough for your belt to lock up and the fact your car has been called a write off could just mean that the cost of repair outweighs its value. All of this is totally irrelevant though as you feel how you feel regardless of the details. You have two choices, get professional help to get you behind the wheel or give up driving and use buses. Many people manage perfectly well with no car, would this be possible? I hope you come through it OK.

Why are you fueling your anxiety by exaggerating the incident and your feelings about it?

You are being your own worst enemy in this.

Don't you want to feel more relaxed and worry-free? Don't you want to put it behind you?

I don’t need to see the damage to know it wasn’t a tragic, life threatening accident because you only had muscular injuries.

wanna swap with the injuries I got?

Objectively, nobody died and your injuries were relatively minor.

Sorry but I didn't come back after a month to argue with the user. That user sent me a very upsetting message. So I had to reply back to it. Thanks!

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I hope your okay

I got hit by a car when I was a pedestrian. It wasn't good at the time but I didn't feel too traumatised. The driver was more upset than I was. It was only when my dad pointed out that I hadn't driven for a very long time and always opted for DH or my parents to drive that I realised how anxious the accident had made me. I did get back to driving after he said this (a couple of years after the accident) but I still don't like it. The main reason is that I know how easy it would be to hurt or kill someone in a car. Luckily I live in a city so I don't have to drive much.

You need to be practical the insurance will sort the car
if you feel you need to claim compensation again as in your insurance company will guide you

you have been through a massive trauma and it’s COMPLETELY normal to feel like this and you will cope

you need to get out of the mind set of thinking you were nearly killed you weren’t
as with everything in life a lot of things can nearly happen

you will be anxious
you will be nervous
you will be frightened
you will be cautious

these are all normal reactions
don’t fight them expect them and you will cope

just get in the car for a drive no matter how small you need to build your confidence back

how many years have you driven without anything like this happening so there’s no reason to think another accident is immanent

Good luck and take care I know it’s easier said than done than done but you will get past its just very raw

I think, and I promise I mean this in the kindest way possible, you do need some sort of therapy to get over this. I remember reading your thread at the time and thinking, well it’s a big shock and she’s overreacting in terms of saying it was near death etc etc but give it some time and she’ll get it into perspective. Clearly that’s not happened 7ish weeks down the line from the initial incident. That certainly isn’t to say that a car crash, of any magnitude really, isn’t scary or quite bound to make you feel anxious to get behind the wheel again but I think the dramatic language and turning it into something it wasn’t in your mind simply isn’t helping you at all and you may well need some support to get out of that negative spiral. You may never want to drive again, but living with such trauma and fear won’t be good for you at all and it may be unrealistic to think you’ll never get into a car again.

Sounds awful OP. See if your insurance can claim for therapy , maybe EMDR. Hopefully in time you’ll be able to take short journeys and regain your driving confidence.

Thank you for your support. It's very hard at the moment and I don't care about compensation. I have driven since the accident which was nearly 6 weeks ago. I've been walking everywhere, to the shops etc. I've lost so much weight and people are asking me why? That's also very stressful.

What answers do you actually want from people here @NewPlumCat

People have been kind, offered very sound advice about getting therapy and trying to help you see this isn’t the end of the world but that’s not what you want to hear.

People telling you that what you went through was horrific and that you should hide under a rock for the rest of your life isn’t going to help.

You need to grab this situation by the horns and face it or else it will consume your whole life and you’ll waste precious time hiding away for no good reason.

walk can add to it because the reason you are walking is because of the accident
so you will be think I’m only doing this because of the accident which brings it to the
Forefront it’s on your mind
I’ve been through similar and hand on heart I’ve never forgotten and when I’m sat at the lights I’m watching behind what’s happening
but you can get past it
it a fine line between being too soon and leaving it too long to get back to normal driving

With the greatest of respect @NewPlumCat I think you are predisposed to reading posts in a negative way. Which is perfectly natural as a response to trauma.

But that doesn't mean that people are wrong.

You haven't been clear what you expected to gain from posting, but AIBU is a debate forum and people will have and share strong opinions. Which you invited by posting.

The vast majority have said as I have that you are responding to trauma and that you need to get help. That is not a criticism, it is a fact.

I too have been sat in stationary traffic when someone rear ended me at speed. I also had a 9 month child in the car with me. So I absolutely understand the trauma. That said you got off incredibly lightly. Muscular trauma will heal, you didnt break anything so actually the car did exactly what it was meant to do and absorbed the impact meaning you were not badly hurt physically.

But riling up against people suggesting you need to push through. Get back on the proverbial horse and carry on are not being unkind. They are being supportive. The absolute worst thing you can do is give up.

It was an accident, with the exception of utter psychopaths, no one gets in the car with the intention of ramming into the back of someone. I am.not saying the other driver wasnt at fault, from your description he absolutely was. But it was an accident.

You can chose to move on and rebuild your life or you can chose to curl up and cry in a corner.

What is your choice?

I appreciate you don't like the people disagreeing with you, but when over 80% of people are telling you that YABU, then perhaps it is time to see it from the majority point of view?

No one is saying it's not traumatic being in a car crash, and you are entitled to feel shocked/upset, but what people are saying is that you are blowing this way out of proportion compared to the severity of the accident (it was minor) and it is rather insulting to those who have been in genuine serious accidents.

It was a minor shunt and you suffered whiplash, which can be painful, but you absolutely did NOT nearly die.

I had exactly the same accident years ago. I had physio, my car got fixed, his was a total write-off.

Would getting compo for the effect it's had on you make things better?

Tragic? Your car had a dent in it. Nobody died?