Someone hit my car nearly 2 weeks ago.

[NewPlumCat]

Hi,
Someone ran their car into the back of me when I was stationary at the traffic which were red. The person said he got distracted by the passengers in the back and said, its just an accident. I was really upset and was trembling with shock and said, well you nearly killed me. He called the emergency service for me and I called the police. My car was totally smashed up from behind. The emergency services came and examined me and took me to A&E where I had scans done and the doctors said I've suffered muscular injury. The man admitted liability to his insurance and I have been given a courtesy car which I haven't drove for nearly 2 weeks. I am going through extreme shock and distress imagining all sorts of worst case scenarios as I've never been hit like this in the 25 years of driving and now can't ever imagine ever getting into a car again and driving because I keep thinking it will happen again and this time it will kill me.
My car has been deemed as a total loss. I need some advice?

I think you need some therapy. It is really scary to be in an accident but you need to remember that you didn’t almost die, the car did its job and you came away relatively unscathed. In the long run how will not driving affect you? I know I’d struggle to get everywhere I wanted to go on public transport (and is that any safer?). I’d try and get back behind the wheel, maybe just a short journey to start with.

You are not being unreasonable. You had a minor accident on the scale of things, and it is scary how "big" it feels despite slow speeds etc. Just because it was minor though, that does not invalidate your feelings. Too many people underappreciate that cars are death machines and even if you are the safest driver in the world, there are so many idiots out there that are one move away from causing a catastrophic accident and you have no control over whether you encounter one of those people.
However, the risk of being killed in a car crash is approximately 1%. Only 0.21% of people are in car accidents in the UK in a given year. So the odds are you are unlikely to be involved in a car crash at all, and of the odds you are in a crash, there's a 1% chance that crash will be fatal or life changing.
You need to decide how important driving is to you. As a population we drive because it is convenient to our lifestyles and gives us freedom and flexibility like no other transport. That doesn't mean we have to drive and plenty of people in cities don't, they use public transport. Do you need to drive again?
Whether or not you choose to drive you do need therapy and insurance should cover it. It is irrational to be so fearful and not good for your long term mental health. You need to be able to be of sound mind in your decision making and ensure you are in control of the decisions you are making, not letting the fear control you.
Finally, if you do choose to drive again, consider getting some refresher lessons and go back to basics. Ask for help refreshing your safety skills and how to reduce your risk of being in a collision (awareness of surroundings and predictability of your own movements to others).

You’re catastrophising. I had a blow out at 80 on a motorway, luckily very early in the morning when it was very quiet. My car was completely trashed and I was very shaken. A friend made me drive again the next day and it was the best thing anyone could have done for me. You need to get someone you trust to get into that courtesy car with you and drive it.

You honestly need to get a grip, kindly.

Usual kind MN answers I see.

It sounds like a real thwack. He was probably going way too fast. That would scare the hell out of me too.

Maybe get some counselling and a couple of driving lessons to get your confidence back.

I get it’s scary. I’ve been rear ended before. You drive for long enough and it’s probably inevitable you get into some sort of accident at some point. But it doesn’t sound like it was remotely close to killing you if you were able to get yourself out of the car, talk to the other driver, call the police and the hospital only diagnosed muscle damage which yes can really hurt but isn’t anything close to a near death experience. And cars and risk are there everytime you leave the house. You’re not any safer as a pedestrian. You really need to get back in the car and drive. If you don’t think you could manage with a friend or partner then book a driving instructor to take you out for a refresher lesson.

It's scary how loud it sounds when you are hit from behind, even when there's little damage. I was hit from behind as I waited to let a pedestrian cross the road at a zebra crossing! Small bump but very loud bang- frightened the kids in the back (they were fine though)
In your case OP, it sounds more than that. If you had your seatbelt on you would have been safe. Your feeling of having a heart problem might have been a panic attack- these can be extremely frightening.
Remember you have had 25 years of experience - incident free?

Enquire via GP for some talking therapy to help you get it in perspective. Or does your insurance have cover for counselling?
Don't let this incident take away your independence.
Good luck

Was your handbrake on?

Cars are designed to take the impact. They literally crumple in order to protect the people in the internal “cage”. Even a low speed impact can leave considerable damage - this is a good thing. I’m sure the airbag kept you quite far from the windscreen, but it likely winded you.

1 non-fault collision in 25 years of driving is pretty bloody good. The odds of it happening again are small. The longer you give in to fear, the less chance of ever overcoming it. Get some counselling and go out in the car with a trust friend. Not far, but a bit each day going slightly further. Start when roads are quiet and work your way up. You’ll be limiting your opportunities if you’ll only go to places you can walk to.

In the kindest possible way you need to seek help and support for your mental health. This isn't a standard response to a relatively minor incident. I'm sure it felt very scary (I've been hit from behind several times, the noise is very loud). It sounds more like severe anxiety.

Do you normally suffer with anxiety and stress?

I'm going to tell you what worked for me! I've been in 3 vehicle entrapments,none of which were caused by me. I'm severely claustrophobic.. second time I was knocked off the road by a hit and run. I couldn't even cross the road. I couldn't get near a car. The vehicle was in finance,ex h had lost his job. I had to get to work, nursing, rural hospital,no public transport. I signed up with The Institute of Advanced Motorists. Explained the situation, they were kind and supportive. Alternatively,find a good driving instructor. Have also been rear ended,DH was driving,well actually stationary at a roundabout. My car was also totalled.

Thank you but its really difficult as I'm in extreme shock and imagining the worst.

You need to seek mental health support - this is an extreme reaction to an accident that while not ideal, was unlikely to have been life threatening. Can you ask your GP or maybe private counselling? Sometimes your employer will have a scheme that will offer counselling sessions.

Our bodies sometimes don't act logically. I was once witnessed in a fatal traffic accident and the aftermath, when the dead man's family turned up. I gave a statement to the police the following day and thought that was that, only i got extremely anxious and tearful over the next few days. I thought I was ok but my body clearly thought differently.

Speak to your GP. You might benefit from EMDR xx

What advice do you want? I'm sorry you are in this situation, but accidents sometimes happen, and it wasn't serious. Not sure what advice you need.

Lots of people have been rear ended at lights or roundabouts, I have and so has DH, we're all alive. The worst is usually a bit of whiplash. How fast do you think he was going because you make it sound very dramatic , but roads with traffic lights are usually 30 mph, 40 tops.

FWIW my mum got hit by a lorry on the M25 her car span twice then he got her again masking her into the central reservation, she was fine.

There are a very low number of fatalities on the roads in the UK compared to the number of people using them daily.

Your reaction is very extreme you probably would benefit from therapy.

Therapy and don't buy a new car. You'll be a danger to others driving with the level of anxiety your describing.

You are massively blowing this out of proportion. You were most definitely not nearly killed at all. It was a rear shunt. It happens, it’s one of the risks of driving.
it Wasn’t a serious accident and you just have some muscle damage, also common in those types of accident. And it was just that an accident.
Yiu need to seek some support for your mental health as this reaction is not normal.
the dad to my eldest children was almost killed in a motorcycle accident, he wasn’t expected to survive his injuries but thankfully he did.
he as looking at his next motorbike when he was still in hospital 🤦🏼‍♀️

After a bad accident on a motorway I went out with a trainer from the Advanced Institute of Motoring.
They talked it all through and really helped to ease my fear of driving.

As someone who has worked in a team dealing with collisions on a daily basis, trust me when I tell you that you were not nearly killed. If you were nearly killed the police would have closed the road, got the forensic collision investigator on site, your vehicle would have been recovered for examination and if you had nearly been killed you would have at least been admitted to hospital for an amount of time. So many people are actually killed on our roads or receive actual life changing injuries. Have a word with yourself and be grateful that you were involved in a slight injury collision not even serious injuries were sustained. You need to accept that you can’t control every other driver’s actions and as a PP said you have been driving for 25 years without incident.

@NewPlumCat gently I think you need to speak to someone, you were not nearly killed. It is a very common and minor crash as I got told by the police who attended mine. I got rear ended in early January I was not stationary doing 30-40mph as was slowing down in traffic on a 70mph dual carriageway. I was back driving as normal within a week - yes I was teary and shaking and cried on the phone to the poor insurance man and police attended and spoke with him. Had a day off work and then wfh the rest of week as had no car and was sore. I am a bit more conscious if people feel close but he took me very much by surprise. Injury wise I am now in physio paid for by his insurance as suffering with some minor muscular and nerve injury in my back and leg and got diagnosed with whiplash.

please do not drive while your in this level of anxiety as you will likely be a danger

This has happened to me 3 times, the last time 2 weeks ago. I'm more pissed off about my car and the crappy driving than being in extreme shock.

I seem to be getting them at the moment I too had a blowout on the motorway (M1 no hard shoulder area) - and that was scary as peak rush hour morning traffic and 3rd lane. Luckily me and car were ok. I had no choice but to drive the same day as they dropped me off at a service station to get my tyre swapped so no other way back home (I actually very cautiously drove to work as I was stuck facing southbound on motorway anyway)

This happened to me after only driving for three months. You just need to do it.

The other drivers insurers need to provide you with help and quickly

If the incident stops you from driving and leaves you in distress then the longer its left the more they have to pay out.

Your own insurers may be able to advise you or a solicitor. Do you have any legal cover?

So the chances of something like that happening are 1 in 25 years. You just need to get back on the horse.