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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

224 replies

Maryamlouise · 16/03/2026 14:15

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

OP posts:
Malasana · 16/03/2026 14:18

Top tip - if your standards aren’t high enough, tell him he can redo to his standard.

GoldDuster · 16/03/2026 14:18

What does your DP to contribute towards the immaculately clean and tidy house he wants to live in?

Wonderknicks · 16/03/2026 14:18

This is a joke, surely? What does "D"P contribute to running the household?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/03/2026 14:19

I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play

And he was...

Munchyseeds2 · 16/03/2026 14:19

Stuff that!, a bit of icing is not going to kill him, nor is a bit of mess
What does he do??

NorthernLightsAreBright · 16/03/2026 14:19

What is your DP doing while you're cooking, cleaning and playing with your children?

I don't know from your post what he got icing on- what was in the kitchen that got icing on it?

You could turn this around and say he shouldn't be keeping anything near the kitchen where you're cooking if he doesn't want it to get icing on it!

He sounds like a knob to be honest.

How many chores/ cleaning does he do?

ringsnthings · 16/03/2026 14:19

Not up to his standard..really! Let him do it then. Cheeky fucker that he is. Sounds like you're doing your best with everything you have going on.

SerendipityCat · 16/03/2026 14:20

And how much cleaning does Mr.Picky do? And how often does he look after the children? And who gave him the fucking right to set these “standards” anyway?

Rayqueen2026 · 16/03/2026 14:20

Wow if my DH treat me like this we wouldn't be married. Get out and enjoy life

FancyCatSlave · 16/03/2026 14:20

How much does he do? If he does his fair share of both cleaning and childcare he may have a point. But if he is doing less than you he has no right to any opinion.

Bjorkdidit · 16/03/2026 14:22

This all sounds a bit 'sleeping with the enemy'.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 16/03/2026 14:23

I'm reading your post as you, in addition to working ft, are also taking on responsibility for most of the household tasks and the dc. If I'm wrong and he's doing an equal share, they you both need to come to a compromise on standards.

If I'm correct and he's doing very little but is expecting you to maintain standards he is dictating, you have serious problems. If he wants the house maintained to a certain standard then he needs to do his share. Even if he's not insisting on certain standards, he should still be doing his fair share.

RainbowBagels · 16/03/2026 14:25

Tell him to fuck off into his own flat and spend your spare time with your children.

Comedycook · 16/03/2026 14:26

He can't expect a housewife AND a wife/partner who works full time. It's too much. He's the problem here. Not you

JustGiveMeReason · 16/03/2026 14:26

I think the vote is confusing.

I said YABU because I am saying YABU to be asking for tips to clean better rather than examining how it is that you get to do all the work and he gets to criticise you. This would have just got a raised eyebrow from me and dh would have twigged that he was being ridiculous.

If he has a particular need to an immaculate house, what is he doing to facilitate that ?

SummerFrog2026 · 16/03/2026 14:26

What does he contribute?

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 16/03/2026 14:26

How much housework and childcare is he doing?

SweetBaklava · 16/03/2026 14:27

You don’t have a cleaning problem, you have a husband problem.

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 16/03/2026 14:28

I have some great tips, you’ll need some bin bags, put all his stuff in them, tell him to do one. You’ll have some empty space.

Topjoe19 · 16/03/2026 14:29

YABU to put up with this.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 16/03/2026 14:30

How much housework/parenting does he do?.

Doranottheexplorer · 16/03/2026 14:33

I'd leave him with the sponge and he can clean it up.

ConflictofInterest · 16/03/2026 14:35

Fuck that, if your partner needs things cleaned to a particular standard he needs to do it himself you're not his employee.

NotMajorTom · 16/03/2026 14:36

Predictable responses

on mumsnet tidy men are always being unrealistic and likely abusive, whilst untidy men are being incompetent, lazy and likely abusive

TwistedWonder · 16/03/2026 14:38

How much housework does mr perfect do then to ensure he meets his own standards?