Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

[Maryamlouise]

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

Top tip: chuck him a cloth and a mop.

Many years ago I offered to iron one of DP’s work shirts. When I presented it to him with a smile, expecting thanks, he told me I had ‘missed a bit’ & that a crease wasn’t straight, or something. I threw it on the floor & told him he could iron his own fucking shirts in future. He did apologise to be fair, but I have never ironed a single item of his clothing since and I never will.

Perhaps this approach is worth a try, OP?

sounds like a complete range bait post!

And your point is?

You missed out - Or the DH is an authoritarian control freak who will systematically shred his wife's confidence and his children's.

This is not a query about cleaning strategies 😢

I tell him our home will be very tidy, clean and quiet one day. Until are children are grown and have flown the nest, it won’t be perfect and will be lived in

You want a tip OP , tell him to fuck off

You say this here but elsewhere you say you do most of the cleaning & tidying and you also say he has way more stuff and doesn’t throw it out.

(Genuinely not trying to be an arse bringing up comments from other threads - just trying to figure out what’s going on).

The question I would ask is: why are you the one on the back foot questioning if you’re tidy enough for him, when he’s not pulling his weight with the tidying, he has too much stuff he’s not throwing out on a reasonable timescale, he’s not organising anything and he’s not doing enough childcare?

Why are you not asking of him why he’s not pulling his weight?

If he chooses to be a slack dad/husband - where does he get off criticising you doing everything?

This has got to be rage bait surely??

What does he do besides work? Because it sounds like you work full time, do all the cooking and cleaning and childcare.

Tell him to FO!

No. If DP supposedly cleaned up and left something on the side that got on my stuff I'd be annoyed. I'd be really annoyed if this was a regular occurrence, which it seems to be with OP.

It's really frustrating being the only person on the relationship who "sees" the mess and it's exhausting. I'd be pissed off with OP if she was my partner.

https://www.tiktok.com/@mikemedia23/video/7269319781197679918

I think the above just about sums it up.

Who kicks off about a bit of icing sugar... its not exactly difficult to clean up is it.. a light powdering..

I think it is commendable that you are teaching your dc to bake.

He on the other hand is a miserable control freak who ought to stop moaning about every speck.

Have you ever actually been away for a weekend and left him with the kids?

Have I just woken up in 1954?

Sounfs like it's the kids he dislikes as well as their mess.

Tell him 'Awa an boil yer heed!' as we say in Scotland.

I agree. DH is like OP, he will say he's cleaned something but it will still be dirty, or he will spill something and not wipe it up. It's grim living in constant dirt and exhausting being the one to have to do it all the time.

Basic standards should be a given. It's not unreasonable to expect spilled icing to be cleaned up properly. It's slovenly to leave it.

Well no, that's not the case. You had 4 responses - 2 said YANBU, 1 said YABU and one was half and half. Your partner is a tyrant and will grind you down. If he won't address this behaviour you will be on eggshells forever

You don’t have a housework problem Op, you have an OH problem.
Horrible prick.

This is a more polite version of what I was going to say.

Thought you were going to say put him in the bin bag. 🤣

You’re working full time, therefore he does 50/50 of childcare and household duties.

XH used to do this. Expected me to pay the bills and also keep the house immaculate whilst he slumped on the sofa as soon as he came home from work.

No wonder woman choose to remain single. If a man wants a slave domesticated housewife and spotless home, no problem. Be the provider and let the woman stay at home and not work if she chooses.

My ex-husband was like this. Safe to say I have a very relaxed, not perfect home and happy kids since the divorce...

In my house the genders were reversed. I worked, he kept on top of things at home with DD. If I decide his cleaning wasn’t quite hitting the mark, I DO IT MYSELF because it’s fucking mental to act like a domestic supervisor in your own home.

And BTW the fact he managed to keep her alive and cook our tea was celebrated by every single person we knew. I was told how lucky I was on a daily basis. And that's wonderful but I had to remind all the mums they were too! And you are. So fuck what he thinks, enjoy your children whilst they're still children and maintain your own standards. 😘

Is there a link to the previous thread?