Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

[Maryamlouise]

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

I worry about the years ahead of you with this man… you,l be on burn out and will he come to your rescue and finally do his bit? unlikely….

Wow he needs to do it himself. Sounds quite controlling.....

Same here. Seven years on, I have not touched an iron since. And to be fair, he did really learn from that experience.

Not if you bothered to read her updates. The also cooks and cleans, they just have different methods. He cleans as he goes, she does it once shes done.

Next time he complains hand him a damp cloth. If he complains again hand him the divorce papers. You should not be having to contend with this sort of criticism in your own home.

This.

Getting rid of him would free up some storage space I expect.

It depends if he’s actually doing any tidying or just expecting her to do it really doesn’t it!

All I keep thinking is that these kids are learning that this is what relationships look like so they will be abusive ocd neat freaks themselves, or they will settle with one.

Op you’ve been putting up with this for years…stop mithering about the cleaning and look at the bigger picture of your unhealthy relationship.

I think I’ve gone with wrong choice so have any others ? You’re working full time, you have 2 dc you are cooking and cleaning. Where does he come in?
does he get up of a morning go to work, come home and sit?
get a backbone and tell him he doesn’t live with his mother anymore and if thinks he does and is treating you like his mother, then don’t bother sharing a bed!
it’s a partnership and you both have to put the time in, if he wants a tidy house then he can help to provide it. Cheeky f###

Op’s second post says that he does clean up. If she went away it would be clean when she got back, he does it as he goes along and he does clean to his own standard

does that constantly posted article about leaving the cup on top of the dishwasher only work one way round?

No, he is of course entitled to leave her if her cleaning habits are unacceptable to him. Or for any reason. No one should be forced to stay in a marriage they’re unhappy in.

Like others, I have no tips on having a clean house and I think you are asking the wrong question! The real question is why he doesn't help so that his standards are met!
We all have different standards, but whatever they are they tend to slip once you have small children. And they should! because, provided the house isn't unsanitary and unsafe, spending time with your children is more important than cleaning.

You don’t really describe his behaviours other than stressed but your whole post sounds like there have been exchanges.
if you both work full time, you share the workload. This isn’t the 1950s

Does he have OCD? My brother in law was like this with my sister. But it got better as the kids grew up.

Tell him he's being over pedantic and would appreciate his help, you can't do everything, he will probably get worse, think of your long-term future, not his, yours,🙂

Buy him a pinny and a Dyson and tell him to have at it if his standards are “so high”

What he is doing is not ok. I hope you can see that and maybe speak to someone to can help

Seriously?! Tell him not to leave his stuff lying around around and it wouldn't have got icing on it.The only tip I recommend is to turf him out. He sounds an absolute horror.

I am 72 and have quite a bit of experience of life. My top tip is tell him to do it himself.

I have a friend who is like this. His wife, wisely, leaves him to it and he happily scrubs the house from to bottom and keeps it immaculate. I think if she tried to join in they’d be divorced in 6 months. It helps tho that he fucking loves cleaning.

It’s not reasonable for one person to impose their standards on the other. If he wants things cleaned a certain way he can do it himself.

Get help - if he wants a higher standard-he’ll have to pay. I only have a cleaner once a fortnight but is draws a line under the tide of clutter that accumulates and they can do jobs beyond what you do as daily maintenance.

Your user name is spectacular! ❤️

He has two choices: (1) stop whinging and (2) muck in more. You don't need to have that sort of disrespectful moaning in your life. You share the home, so should be equally responsible for the cleanliness. If he doesn't like the way you've done something, he should deal with it ... although it may take time - like training a puppy - persistence is the key.