Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

[Maryamlouise]

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

Who’s not in favour of a man who keeps his house tidy.

Generally they just expect other people to do it for them though.

I don’t like cleaning and DH likes a tidy house. We have a cleaner.

if your cleaning standards aren’t high enough for your DP, tell him to do it himself. Problem solved.

If he’s that bothered then he can work it out and be more hands on. I have made it clear to my husband he can’t expect perfection when l work full time and have 2 young children. Plus he has to contribute plenty

Well, nothing annoys me more than when DH does a task half way. Sometimes its easier for me to simply clean the kitchen becuase that way it's done properly. So from that perspective, I am sympathetic ot your DP.

BUT, I'm not clear on why you are doing it all? Becuase if I'm cleaning the kitchen, DH is tidying the lounge (he does that better than me), or emptying a litter tray or taking out bins or sorting out DC or whatever. And if one of us is doing ALL the tasks, at the same time, the other one is just grateful that they have been MOSTLY done. So, if DH is cleaning up after dinner and does a shit job, I'm annoyed as it's one task. But if I come home and he's been at home all day with the DC and 90% of everything is done, I crack on and finish the 10% that isn't.

Tidy men can tidy their own houses not expect other people to do it for them.

Well you're certainly not useless for a start, and never ever let a man make you think otherwise.
I'm curious that this is suddenly an issue. Have you and your DC moved into his home? Have you become a SAHM? Has he recently started finding fault in other areas? It seems odd if you've been together a while that this hasn't come up before.

My top tip OP is to let him clean to his heart’s content to whatever “standards” he likes. You get on with your life.

Assuming that your DP has functioning arms and legs, tell him to do his own cleaning if you’re not doing it to a high enough standard for him. He doesn’t sound like a nice person.

the thing is that we can all read between the lines. She's doing it all, and he's doing none of it.

If, on the other hand rhand, it turns out he's right there in the trenches with her and she can't seem to wipe a counter correctly even when it's her only task, then sure, people will probably be more understanding of his issues.

I voted YABU to ask for tips. I see this in very much same way as cooking, if it isn't up to the other persons standards then they should take over or outsource it - and pay for it too.

Why do these high standards fall to you anyway OP?

No one’s objecting to him being houseproud, but pointing out that he’s absolutely at liberty to bustle around in a penny with a duster and mop himself.

I think we need more info, OP. Most importantly, how much cleaning is your DP doing?
Because if he is pulling his weight (eg if he’d just cleaned the kitchen and you left it a bit if a disaster after baking) then I don’t think the responses of “well if he wants it tidy he can tidy it himself” are correct - and would never be said to a woman complaining on here about a partner who made a mess.
But if he doesn’t do any cleaning and just expects you to do it all while he criticises from the sidelines, that’s a totally different story.

I guess it's easy to be tidy when you are not the one doing the cleaning. OP was cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play after having baked with the kids and cleaned up in the kitchen. It's not that the man can't win, it's the man doesn't seem to help.

I don’t think this is real.
It’s the dropping in of “I was doing 400 other things and working full time and doing all the household admin”. Either OP is dim or in an abusive relationship.

One of my ex partners was like this.
That is why he is now my ex!.

I would be handing him the cloth and saying if it's not good enough he'll have to do it himself. Hell would literally freeze over before I would clean to someone else's standards while I'm juggling as much as you OP. Although to be fair, even if I wasn't, I'd tell him to jog on.

That made me really angry reading that. Really angry. I know you are not a violent person and I'm not either but how you resisted headbutting him when he said that I'll never know.
Do you want to PM me his number and, I promise I'll be calm, just give home a few life pointers? I won't say you posted on here but I just think he needs a stern speaking to (whilst keeping calm) and a few choice words the bastard

Jeez I catch my breath at threads like these.

I just still can’t believe young mums are shackling themselves to men who think women are a domestic appliance. You work full time and are flagellating yourself for not keeping up with ‘his standards’? Wake up op. Tell him you’re not his slave or his employee and when he works as hard as you - only then he’s entitled to an opinion.

I’d like to say ltb but I doubt you will leave the fucking dickhead, just don’t model any more of this tradwife shit to your kids.

If the house is reasonably clean but not up to a standard that one person wants then that person is responsible to getting it to the standard they want, as long as it doesn't impact the enjoyment of the home by other people eg high standard person doesn't allow DC to play with lego or do craft as can make a mess.

In this instance I would be telling DP to do it himself and more, as at the moment I'm struggling to see what they contribute.

I keep having to check it's not April 1st 😂

Yes, you got it.
And, they can sod off to their own house/apartment.
👍

Surely this is a joke? He adjusts his standards or he pays for a cleaner.

As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention).

Weaponized incompetence is deliberately doing a task so poorly that the other partner takes over. It's doing a shit job on purpose.

This does not sound like that at all. You were doing multiple tasks at the same time and spread too thin. You're doing too much. Multitasking is really not all it's cracked up to be, it produces poorer results. You missed a piece of fucking icing. The horror.

Also, are his standards unreasonably high? You're doing an awful lot of the household labour. If he doesn't like it, he can pick up a cleaning cloth or cook a meal or hire a cleaner.

Top Tip. Hand him the Hoover and duster. Go out with friends. Twat