Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

[Maryamlouise]

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

Agreed - and I bet my mortgage there will nothing more from the OP.

Yup. Knew it as soon as I read the OP.

Have less stuff. Number one way to be tidier, have less to tidy.

You dont need tips. You need to tell him that if he can do better then it's his job.

There's a difference between a man who is tidy and one who expects his partner to keep the house pristine while she makes dinner, does laundry and looks after multiple children.

I sometimes think people post this stuff just to piss other people off. A list? You think you need a list?

You dont need a list OP, you need a new husband that isnt a complete arsehole, and thats really all that needs to be said.

But it'll still go into 10 pages.

Is it too soon to suggest she starts by throwing out the bigger objects, namely the husband? 😁

(joking)

You didn't need to add the 'joking' part.

I skipped the big chat and just put in a tip! I must have missed the fun...

Many many years ago DP realised that if he wanted cleaning done to a high standard then he'd have to do it himself. Thankfully his mum trained him well so he knew exactly what he needed to do. I suggest you give your DH the same advice.

This was my first thought.

Fuck that shit, and kudos to you OP for being martyr of the year. Carry on love, just buy different marigolds and clean while you're naked and in full view of Adonis.

My tip would be to tell him that if it’s not to his standard to do it himself

When you have small DCs then I do think you have to accept that your house will never be absolutely clean. The kids come first and few kids are tidy, so you have to work on reasonableness. Agree with DH and DC what tidying looks like and stick to the work so that everyone does their share. Kids will still leave stuff around and whilst you can encourage tidiness, I really do not think it is good to be constantly on your back and the kids back about being tidy. What you want is creative happy children.

Thanks everyone

He had been away for the weekend and so wasn't there when the cleaning up after baking occurred

If I went away I would come back to a clean house and he does clean up after cooking (which he does do a reasonable amount) and does a fair amount of cleaning (it's more as he goes rather than a dedicated clean but it's fine by me) so he probably does pretty much maintain his standards but would never bake or do crafts with DC and overall I do do more childcare, kids stuff, life admin etc

I think he thinks his systems and ways of doing things are the best and I often doubt myself as each little thing on its own seems a reasonable ask (like clean surfaces, shoes away etc) but then I realise I am trying to keep everything perfect and feel exhausted.

Discussions seem to get a bit side tracked as I try to explain I feel like I can't get do anything right and then he asks for a specific example and then we end up discussing that

What the hell is hd doing as yoj juggle so much?
If he isn't sharing the load with you, then this is abuse.
Be careful OP.
It's not all on you.

He cleans to his standard or pays for a cleaner. You do enough

This
You are being put under unreasonable pressure.

So, who - for example - deep cleans the bathroom? Who cleans the oven? Who does the laundry?

If you both work full time, why do you do more childcare?

I could write an essay on how you should tell him you arent hired help and if he wanted a maid instead of wife then he should of hired one. He doesnt value you you beyond how quickly you can sweep his floors so that you can move onto mopping them.

However, I feel there's little point in writing anything, as I suspect you are perhaps scared to confront your husband in this way. Do you feel scared of him, OP? If you stood up to him and said, 'im not a maid, I am a human being and a mother, I clean the house well enough thanks very much, as well as doing everything for the kids, what the hell do you do other than go to work, come home and complain?' What would he do? What would he say?

If the answer is become verbally abuse, belittle you, or worse, then you seriously need to start thinking about your safest escape route out of there.

Idk, something about this post makes me feel uneasy. Men who boss their wives around and do fuck all are rarely the nice and genuine type.

get rid of the DP - problem solved

No:1 best tip you will get

I was about to say something similar to this 😅

So he was away and you were juggling the children,cooking etc? And he moaned? Sounds a catch 😩