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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tips for keeping house clean when partner expects higher standards?

224 replies

Maryamlouise · 16/03/2026 14:15

Does anyone have any tips on cleaning? I feel like if the genders were reversed my DP would be told that I am using weaponised incompetence but I am really not - I try my best to keep on top of everything and to prioritise the things that are important to DP but I really struggle. As one small example I did baking with the DC at the weekend and obviously didn't quite clean up enough as DP just got some icing on his stuff (appreciate that is annoying) but I genuinely thought I had wiped down all the sides (think I did this among cooking dinner, hanging up laundry and supervising play so maybe I just don't pay enough attention). I can't decide if I am really useless or if DP is expecting too much. I am not sure if a list would really help as its probably more the standard to which everything is done to that just isn't natural to me but also not sure how is achievable with working FT, having two primary school DC etc. Don't think a cleaner would really help as it is more the day to day mess that stresses DP out. I like a clean and tidy house but feel like that is only really possible if I don't really ever spend time with DC or DP so I can keep on top of everything. Do I need something like the organised mum method? What works for you?

OP posts:
PeonyPatch · 16/03/2026 14:57

We need more information. Ideally picture examples. You could be quite messy or DP could have unrealistic standards. He might need to adjust his conditions or get more involved.

FairKoala · 16/03/2026 14:58

Get him to make a list of everything you don’t get round to and everything he would like doing

Then tell him from now on that is his jobs

twentyeightfishinthepond · 16/03/2026 14:59

You know quite well that he is being unreasonable.

thinkyone · 16/03/2026 15:01

Not worth commenting until OP posts again.

Screamingabdabz · 16/03/2026 15:01

I voted YABU for even pandering to his emperor-like ego.

PeonyPatch · 16/03/2026 15:02

thinkyone · 16/03/2026 15:01

Not worth commenting until OP posts again.

Agreed

femfemlicious · 16/03/2026 15:02

Do you really need to ask this?. You work full time? Why qre you the one doing everything?. Why do you think you jshoukd have to worry about keeping the house to his standards?. Is this 1950?

Lourdes12 · 16/03/2026 15:04

Tell him to do it to his standard or seek professional help for his ocd

femfemlicious · 16/03/2026 15:04

WallaceinAnderland · 16/03/2026 14:52

I keep having to check it's not April 1st 😂

Like ...what on earth is this?. Working ft yet doing everything and then being bothered about his so called standards?🙄

Ariel896 · 16/03/2026 15:04

This has got to be rage bait, if not everything you don’t do to his standard make him do it. He sounds like an utter twat

Miranda65 · 16/03/2026 15:05

As everyone says, if his standards are so f*cking high, why doesn't he do the cleaning?

Blorengia · 16/03/2026 15:05

Tell him you have cleaned it to YOUR standard.
If he requires a different standard he can do the extra himself.
TVVAT

soontobeamama · 16/03/2026 15:05

I would be interested to know what does your husband contribute towards cleaning the house? If it is so important to him, he should be doing at least his share.

SummerHouse · 16/03/2026 15:06

20 years ago my DP said: "This floor is disgusting."

And I said: "Clean it then."

The end.

TFImBackIn · 16/03/2026 15:07

Come on, OP, nobody's going to tell you how to be a better cleaner. Unless your husband has a serious physical disability then he should do it if he doesn't like how it's done now.

What exactly does he bring to family life?

andthat · 16/03/2026 15:09

SweetBaklava · 16/03/2026 14:27

You don’t have a cleaning problem, you have a husband problem.

No one reading this knows that yet.

Could be the DH is a lazy bastard with unrealistic standards for the OP. In which case yes, she has a husband problem.

OR the op is a nightmare to live with, messy and chaotic and he’s sick to death of it. In which case, he has a wife problem.

@Maryamlouise which is it?

liamharha · 16/03/2026 15:10

Get a new partner r

lazyarse123 · 16/03/2026 15:11

Malasana · 16/03/2026 14:18

Top tip - if your standards aren’t high enough, tell him he can redo to his standard.

This is the only answer.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 16/03/2026 15:12

Agree with practically everyone else Top tip - tell your partner to feel free to crack on themselves if your genuine best doesnt meet their royal highness's standards.

usedtobeaylis · 16/03/2026 15:14

I mean it depends what 'standards' are, whether his overall expectations are reasonable and in line with your roles, and how he also contributes to the cleanliness of your home. Two adults in this house have different standards and some of those are 'cleaning the kitchen DOES include xyz' when one person routinely doesn't do it, meaning the other person is constantly picking it up. On the other hand criticising folding bath towels a different way is just picky.

Cleaning doesn't come naturally to anyone btw. Nobody is born with a sponge in their hand.

TwistedWonder · 16/03/2026 15:14

Anyone bet the OP won’t be back now she’s thrown a rage bait grenade

CautiousLurker2 · 16/03/2026 15:18

Top Tip: direct him to the cleaning cupboard and tell him to have at it. My DH does this sometimes. I don’t take it personally - if he wants things cleaner, he can clean them himself.

Jk987 · 16/03/2026 15:20

YABU for asking if anyone has any tips on cleaning. Do not pander to this dick.

Theyreeatingthedogs · 16/03/2026 15:21

godmum56 · 16/03/2026 15:01

Neil Young says it best

Did you mean?