Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

She weed on a tree???

This, why didn’t she go in the cafe or wait till where you were going for the appointment?

It soumds like a pretty average day out tbh. He made a comment you didn't appreciate but hardly 'argument' territory.

Mildly curious why your child urinated on a tree though...

You shouldn't really do things you don't want to do and then complain about them. And you shouldn't make passive aggressive comments. Just say what you want and then everyone's happy.

Why is it gaslighting? I feel like the word is losing it's meaning, it gets thrown about for any mild disagreement now.

Please explain how any of this is gaslighting.

At risk of going into details she has some bladder challenges (she had been at a cafe 30 mins before) and we were 30 mins walk from any loos. She couldn't wait.

Not sure why that's the focus of your replies given I'm feeling pretty fragile and sad, but thanks anyway

What do you mean by being gaslit by your husband in this instance?

Just sounds like two generally fed up people. One is more sensitive to a flippant comment.

Where is the gaslighting?

Is this really just a mother's day argument or is it a regular thing?

Why did you send him the message "what a mother's day" ? It implies you are annoyed about how it was turning out, presumably because you were the one with the kids in park? If so, that's a pretty poor move on your part- it sounds like you had a fairly busy family morning with some nice things (kids do breakfast and made tea, went out for coffee after parkrun). So then when you mentioned mother's day again after that (and having been annoyed about the wee incident) I imagine he felt quite got at.

its Mother’s Day why are you doing stuff that isn’t Mother’s Day oriented? Park runs and cafe etc sounds like a big standard Sunday. When that itinerary was suggested speak up and say it’s not what you wanted. You have to set the standard you want.

As for the weeing on a tree, thread derailleurs will be out to get you.

Yes what was the meaning of your message from the playground? It sounds like you were annoyed

Day sounds nice enough tbh. Maybe people celebrate differently but what were you hoping for? What would a great mothers day look like for you?

in my house it’s usually coffee in bed but otherwise a normal day.

I’d need more details but your husband doesn’t sound like he’s much of a monster. Wearing shorts to run and getting cold a bit shortsighted but hindsight etc

but it sounds like you were guilt tripping him with the double refence to “what a Mother’s Day” and then the “calling out”?
theres so many threads today which sadly have so many upset mums because they haven’t had Hallmark perfect day. It’s actually quite sad

What would mothers day oriented activities look like? Genuinely curious as maybe it’s just my family but we all do a card maybe some flowers and otherwise a normal day. Husband offers to cook sometimes but as I like cooking and am better at it having a break from cooking isn’t much of a treat

Did you want him tot come and take over from you in the park?
The way you’ve written this sound like you made at least one if not 2 slightly passive aggressive comments that could be construed as you being disappointed with your Mother’s Day. Your DH has responded and you’ve gone off in a huff? Is he ignoring you because he knew it would escalate and he was trying avoid it?
I can’t see how this is gaslighting.
And from the little you’ve written neither one of you has been that kind to each other!

Has no one ever wee'd outside?

I don’t understand these replies at all. Your husband sounds like a complete dick. I imagine he is a dick in other ways toi and his tantrum over Mother’s Day is not an isolated event.

You were really passive aggressive. "What a mother's day" would have got my back up. I agree with the above post that he was in the wrong by sitting in the car (on his phone, yes?)

It’s just a day. I’m telling myself this as not one of my children bothered to get me a card. Their useless dad has taught them well. Edited to add, I’m sorry you’ve had a shit day too and I hope it gets better for you

he sounds ungrateful tbh. it’s mother’s day and he got a break to himself while you watched the kids alone. instead of saying thank you or acknowledging your efforts he made a snappy remark implying that just because it’s mother’s day doesn’t mean you should have expected anything less.

not a massive issue but he was tactless and rude.

I feel like I’m in the minority here on mumsnet but I don’t conform to the idea that mums should do nothing on Mother’s Day, the same with Dad’s on Father’s Day.

I don’t know why you agreed to or made plans for park run, playground, appointments etc if you were then going to moan ‘what a mothers day’.

That being said - how cold could it have been that you husband needed to sit in the car?

I think a lot of us do this on occasions eg Mother’s Day or birthday- we say what a great whatever day when anything at all goes wrong. It just comes out because you secretly expected a chilled day with no issues. I think you were both rightly just a bit pissed off!!

@AliBunny it's sarcasm, not gaslighting.

You have made a mountain out of molehill.

How did he gaslight you?