Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

Oh I so agree. You weren’t gaslit, OP. Not by any stretch of the imagination

I agree op, sitting in a nice car with peace to himself while you entertain kids after your run is a bit much today as it is supposed to be a special day, next time tell him to bring joggers and you go off to a cafe by yourself , see if he thinks your making a fuss then!

Your message reads to me as an obvious dig about dh sitting in the car. It wasn't funny it was a jab

agree with this.
op say something instead of making passive aggressive comments. The whole thing is ridiculous.

What tantrum?

I'm confused as to what the argument was about.
Even if you meant your text in the morning as a joke, were you overall disappointed by the way the day went?
And was he genuinely annoyed about you mentioning mother's day again or was it just a passing comment? Did he do anything else beyond a cup of tea for the occasion?

I'm wondering if this is about more than today. What's your relationship like generally? Does he support you and the DCs or does he take you for granted? Do you regularly tell him how much you do and martyr yourself?

This seems odd as a one off.

God Mumsnet is full of childish women behaving like martyrs, expecting to be treated like princesses and passively aggressively sulking. Mother’s Day has brought out the worst in lots of women sadly.

No one said it was busy. There are very large parks you know?
They aren’t all fenced off postage stamps in the middle of an estate.

You say you used gaslighting loosely but that itself is problematic because on reflection it might not be want you meant but it has probably added to whatever caused your argument. Are you disappointed with the how Mother's day was celebrated? Again your message in the park seemed sarcastic. If you didn't want your husband to go to the car, just be frank and tell him.

Your husband sounds like a weirdo. If you'd mentioned twice in one morning that it was, say, Sunday or March or winter, would he have got the hump over that, too? Sounds like he has a guilty conscience and wants to shift the blame to you for making a comment he didn't like and which perhaps pricked his conscience (depending on what had been done for mother's day and what your family normally does or what he knows you hope for). I wouldn't necessarily call it gaslighting but I can see why you might have made that connection and perhaps interpreted his comment to mean that he wants to make absolutely sure that you know that ANY expectations you may have are cause for YOU to be shamed and embarrassed, never him.

And of course, if it WAS a completely innocent comment on his part, he could have told you that rather than punishing you, even if he DID think you were trying to express your unhappiness or confusion rather than make a joke. Why would he want to make you MORE upset if he thought you were already upset?

Is she channeling ScoobyDoo? 😮

So if it wasn’t Mother’s Day, what would you have said?

Surely there are some 'junior' incontinence products you could use?

I don't want to go to a park on Mother's Day to see anyone pissing up a tree.

Why did she piss on a tree, is she a dog? That there was your mistake anyway, she should have just squatted and pissed on the ground.
Not sure I can see any gaslighting tbh.

I think it was a spiteful little aside and it would have upset me too, OP. It's the sort of thing my abusive ex would say. Couldn't let me have just one nice thing.

If you build things up they disappoint. I got nowt for Mother’s Day. Well I got a WhatsApp saying he’d get me something next week when he comes home from university. I’ve mucked out my horses, been to church (got given a little pansy in a pot.) And I’ve just had milky coffee and some cheese and biscuits. All is good.

So you made a jokey comment, then he made a jokey comment? Why is it ok for you to be offended and not him, sounds like you started it?

I think that if you make a passive aggressive comment, even as a joke, then you can expect a sarcastic comment in return

This thread is so weird. It sounds like your husband has not made much effort today and has been grumpy and unkind towards you. It also sounds like your communications with him was unclear and maybe your expectations for Mother’s Day were higher but he didn’t realise this. Maybe take some time to yourself this afternoon and see if he apologises for being grumpy, and for next year think through how you want to day to be beforehand, and tell him clearly what you want early enough that he can organise it.

I had a text from one ds and a plant, chocolate and card from the other. I had coffee and cake brought me in bed.

I sorted the recycling, done the bin, loaded the dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer, and am now cocking lunch.

You were being passive aggressive and you know it. No wonder he's annoyed!

Because it seems to have been instigated by the OP's PA comments about it being mother's day.

People subjected to passive agressive behaviour often become defensive because those kind of comments have an underlying guilty tripping quality and imply disapproval and often resentment. People don't generally enjoy that.

Why so nasty? She’s already feeling down?

I actually read your text “what a Mother’s Day” as a sarcastic text, however do you think your husband misinterpreted it?
when you say you were offended by your husbands comment of “don’t we all know it” …was he joking? What exactly are you offended by?

Anyone who thinks there are any nasty or cruel comments on this thread hasn't been on mumsnet long!