Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

Sorry, I don’t get why your child has to wee up a tree, or why you think it being Mother’s Day affected it. 🤷‍♀️

The comments haven’t been cruel and this thread isn’t “wild”. You’re being very dramatic. If you don’t want to do park run or watch your kids at the park then don’t. Doing things you don’t enjoy then being passive aggressive about them is so unnecessary. Feeling fragile about any of this is such a disproportionate reaction. You’ve got a choice, buck up and have a nice rest of the day or wallow and don’t, it’s up to you.

Well yes… who has mentioned “fenced off postage stamps?” Other parks can be busy…

He sounds like a twat YANBU I hope you get to relax and do something nice for yourself 💜

It sounded like you were making digs about your Mother’s Day (possibly not being good enough or living up to expectation).
Correct me if I’m wrong though 🙂

I would say you sent a sarcastic text to him and he sent a sarcastic text back, fairs fair.
And getting to play with your kids in the park on mother's day really shouldn't be seen as a chore.
I love child free time as much as the next person but sometimes you have to appreciate these moments to.

He was being unreasonable to not dress properly and "be forced to" have a quiet time in the car as a result.

The rest... expecting him to be extra caring the whole day sounds unreasonable to me - but he wasn't even normaly caring to start with.

I'd say YANBU to be annoyed, but the way how you express it gives him a way to turn it into argument/not better than the other situation.

I can’t tell you how many families I’ve been out with over the years who have taken their young children for a nature wee. I’m surprised everyone is so pearl clutching.

i don’t realllh understand what you’re upset about though op

It was outlined in OPs 1st post.

I sometimes think days like Mother's day are more trouble than they're worth, judging by the raised expectations, the disappointments and the rows.

Your husband is a dick. It takes 45 to give you a kiss and tell you I love you and instead he chosed to be annoying and envious.

You are joking. It comes across as totally passive aggressive and you come across as whiny. If you don't want to do something because it's Mothering Sunday, say. Don't be snidey

You said "the kids made breakfast" then the DH "helped them make a cup of tea '.
I think that's where people got that idea from.
Were you not the recipient?

Are you having problems with communication, as a couple? It's tricky with young children. Make the time to talk, and listen.

See the joke from his point of view... its not funny. How could he take it as anything but passive aggressive?

Tit for tat. Neither of you communicated your thoughts very well.

Unless there’s more going on OP, I’d put this behind you and give your DH a hug. Make a decision for it not to spoil the rest of your day.

Reading posts on here today I am amazed how many people have wound themselves into a tizz for a commercial holiday when they don't get the insta worthy day they wanted. Tbh it sounds passive agressive sending pics saying what a mothers day and what does you getting a "little frustrated" look like is it huffing, shouting etc? You both seem fed up

I don't really understand much about anything that happened. It sounds like a pretty normal day. Not really clear why you said "what a mother's day"- to me it sounds like a pretty standard mother's day with small children. Also not sure why your husband was so put out.

Do you normally get on ok?

Sounds like you were passive aggressive and a martyr. Two very annoying things. You need to be direct.

When he said he was cold and was going to leave you to look after the kids in the park. I’d have said ‘no you don’t get to go and chill in the car just because you dressed incorrectly’. Rather than be resentful and make a passive aggressive comment later in the day.

DH is passive aggressive- it’s such an annoying trait! Say what you mean at the time.

No you’re not being gaslit
Children do get caught short
He’s a wimp for sitting in the car and you shouldn’t have let him
You have high expectations which he doesn’t understand
Sounds like he’s feeling guilty
If I was Shorts I’d say sorry if you feel you’ve had a crap day and be nice to you for the rest of it

So, what are you planning on doing for him on father's day?
Did you ask for anything special? Will you do anything special for him?
What is your normal mother's day like?
Did the kids make cards at school?
Did you want to be pampered? It sounds like you need pampering but I'm afraid that there are certain times in our lives that we don't have the time and money for pampering.
I got chocolates and a card. Another present to come tomorrow. Meal out at nice restaurant next week. (It's cheaper; I don't want money wasted on a hyped up day)
I often only bought my mum chocolates or flowers. I can remember dad taking me to buy flowers for her when I was very young. When we were older and more comfortable, we took her out to nice hotels for lunch and bought her more expensive presents.

What did you want to do on Mother's Day? Did you have an expectation? To be honest when my son was younger, we probably did go to the park, so he could have a play/run around on Mother's Day. No, it wouldn't be my first choice, freezing my arse off watching him on play equipment but it's part and parcel of being a parent, regardless of the occasion.

I get the impression from your post that you were upset that your husband hadn't planned anything particularly special, and it ended up being a 'normal' Sunday.

If you want to do something specific, then tell your husband next year. It's better to tell him, than feel disappointed.

I am not really sure what the issue is. He felt that you were making a dig that he went back to the car (you did comment he wore shorts so was cold). Maybe you could have cancelled park run today and gone straight to the appointment, only taking whichever adult/child needed to go.

What was the appointment?

I don't think there's any gaslighting going on, but if I had to say one of you was gaslighting the other it would be you who was doing the gaslighting.
Two passive aggressive comments about it being mothers day, then absolute denial about being passive aggressive and acting like you're the victim and your DH is the bad one when he reacts to your behaviour.