Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

Nothing wrong with a 7 yo child weeing against a tree.

An adult should obviously go where they can’t be seen to have a wild wee, but a 7 yo is fine to wee by a tree.

When my dd was small, I would lift her up under her knees/ upper legs a for a wild wee so that it didn’t get on her clothes. 7 isn’t too big for that I don’t think.

EDIT - I went straight for this because it’s very unhealthy to suggest that little girls haven’t got as much right as boys to wee outside! It should be considered totally normal.

Adults of both sexes should only wee outside where they can’t be seen.

Re your actual OP, I think it was a bit of a mix.

Your husband shouldn’t have retreated to the car because he was “cold” - that’s pathetic - he chose to wear shorts and was opting out.

You should have told him straight if you’d wanted his presence in the park. “No DH, this is Mother’s Day and if anyone gets to sit and chill out in the car it’s me”. But the little hints and “oh what a Mother’s Day” were probably quite annoying - hinting and half saying something but not being direct is annoying.

He shouldn’t have given the silent treatment as that’s not called for either.

Men probably have little to no interest because they’re getting to do what they want and be centred all the time!

Some women enjoy these days because they hope to get the standard of living their “menfolk” enjoy every day, just for one day.

I’m very happy I’m single when I think about things like this!

If you want something, ask for it. If you do not want to do something, say so. This sounds like a passive aggressive reaction to your husband's inability to read your mind. If he was being a dick, tell him he was being a dick. If you feel under appreciated or taken for granted, then for your own sake, tell him that you feel underappreciated and that you would hope for xyz in the future, which would make you feel appreciated.

People express their love and gratitude in different ways. If you expect something from another person, just because that is what you would do to show love and gratitude towards them, you will always be disappointed. Communicate!

Yeah ignore the judgey weirdos on this and the ones saying its you blah blah it's not you it's yeat another thoughtless man in action. In future lay out your expectations like he is 5 years old so you get some.sore of s day off. Alternatively sack him off now and get a dog..the more thread I read the more and more glad I am I'm single And did motherhood alone least there not someone who meant to care just not

I think OP was a bit passive aggressive, but dh reacted badly because the truth hurts. He could have and should have planned something.

Well @AliBunny , I don't think you're crazy. I do think your husband is an idiot for going out in his shorts and not bringing his trackie bottoms with him

Why can't SHE laugh off a joke? She MADE the joke, and he made a barbed response later on .

I also disagree it was pass agg. Maybe it is to you because that's the sort of relationship you have. But to me, I would have said that as a bantery joke (and the emoji would have made that clear). And I would have been upset later.

Some of you genuinely need to raise your standards.

I dont get this post and yes you are way over sensitive, I did laundry yesterday- its a normal day- if you didnt want to do those things should have said something!
sort your kid wee situation, How awful on a tree. teaching her bad habits.

OP in the gentlest way - there isnt anything of substance here.

YANBU if accompanying parkrun isn't your thing. That sort of morning would annoy me a bit, as I don't like running about in the morning or accompanying people on their activities if I'm not doing something I enjoy alongside.

As you’ll see on here most people on here are very black and white and lack any type of understanding AT ALL. I really think this forum is now made up with 80% of people who have nothing better to do than fill their time with shooting down others, no caring or constructive feedback what so ever. To pick up on your daughter having a wee says it all !!

I would say your husband didn’t really mean anything by it but maybe were you expecting a little more from Mother’s Day ? This is something that could quite easily play out in our family. I don’t think he was gas lighting you but maybe a flippant comment and lack of communication if you felt deep down he could have joined you in the park. Or maybe you didn’t care, he made a flippant comment and its caused an argument. Or possibly he was feeling like he should have made more of an effort but didn’t and then felt you called him out on it ? I wouldn’t let it cause an argument though, these things happen and many more will. Maybe sit down and talk when kids are in bed and had time to think about it.

xx

He doesnt sound like a dick at all!.
The disagreement seems very run of the mill. Six of one and half a dozen of another.
Sufely you can see that this is just run of the mill stuff.

Well it isn’t gaslighting, so I did vote YABU on that basis. But your DH does appear to have been inconsiderate in his behaviour. So your disappointment in him is understandable, though you yourself were a bit PA yourself in your text to him.

So it was an unnecessary barney, with you both having been unreasonable really.

Likely DD would have wet herself because she had bladder issues, as OP explained. Not really the point of the thread.

Its the sort of thing my ex would have said, because he utterly loathed any day that was about me. Didnt mind other peoples birthdays or Christmas (he could look good to them by being Mr Wonderful) but any day that was all about me where he couldnt make himself look good, and he was horrible. He couldnt out and out be a total shit as the kids wouldnt have let him, but he would sulk, make comments, volunteer to work if he could etc. For my 40th I wanted a nice family holiday. He arranged a surprised party (my worst nightmare) so everyone would say how wonderful he was for doing it. Except I found out about it and he threw an epic tantrum and said I was selfish for not wanting it.

As far as he was concerned I was a supporting actor in his life, so no it isnt always just run of the mill stuff. If this happens every time there is a day just for the OP then its a pattern of selfish nastiness.

My husband would rather die of hypothermia than sit in the car because he's wearing shorts and it's a bit parky out. Therefore I cannot empathise with this thread.

Yes, but I'm struggling to figure out the logistics of a female managing to widdle on a tree. Behind a tree, possibly.

Please get a grip. It's called life and it just trundles on.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. We all (or atleast lots of us) want a lovely Mother’s Day where our husbands / partners take the load off but the reality is often that they don’t always do that and like any other day the lions share often falls to mummy. I hear you and I think you’d want your husband to say “sorry it’s not been a perfect Mother’s Day” or just note your feelings and make you a cuppa later on. The fact that he huffed about it and didn’t speak to you for 30 minutes sounds a bit passive agressive to me. I have found in my 14 years of mothering the best thing is to plan a treat for myself or declare that I want the morning in bed or such like so there can be no confusion. Whether I actually get it is a deferent matter. Mother’s Day is a con I think to make everyone spend money. Lots of mums end up disappointed I think if their partners / older children don’t seem to acknowledge it in the way we would like! I have a horrid ex husband who had my older children all weekend and sent them both to visit me with not even a card, which I thought was a bad example to show the children. We should all be pampered and spoiled for a whole day as we deserve it! I hope you got over it. Maybe time to have a chat with your DH and tell him how you’re feeling in general and what you wanted on Mother’s Day. Good luck ❤️

ps you seem to have received lots of narky comments here, this place isn’t really a place of support but rather a place for everyone to have a go at you! Ignore the hate and tree obsessed comments. People don’t understand your family dynamics and get really side tracked. I’m sure your daughter peeing on a tree etc was a really annoying end to the morning and you sound like you need and deserve a wee break ❤️

Genuinely amazed that you could create an argument out of that.

Wether you meant it or not that would of come across to me an unnecessary snide passive aggressive dig about Mother’s Day

I understand where you’re coming from. Regardless of the exact details you describe I see that you feel hurt that your husband isn’t making it a special day for the entire day so you can feel appreciated for what you do every other day of the year by taking over the job of main parent so you can get a break! (No, you are not his mother but you are the mother of his children and deserve to feel appreciated for that!) I imagine that you go out of your way to make Father’s Day a special day for him. So I am with you on this one

Weeing on a tree brings back memories of when I was about four. I was at my aunt's house and she had some visitors, one was a little boy about my age. He wanted the toilet so I took him up. I saw him wee standing up.

Later on I tried to do the same and made an awful mess. If your daughter was attempting to wee on a tree it's not surprising she got wet. Would have been better to wee behind a tree or bush, not on it.

Hee hee.

People do seem to make more of Mother's Day now than ever. I'm happy with a card and some flowers.

I recall chatting to a friend walking past a Mother’s Day shop window many years ago, where it had chocolates,
flowers, cheap jewellery & perfume. I said it’s all so predictable, boring, same every year. She said to me, well, what else is there? [silence my end]

Also, I have friends who deliberately do zip on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Birthdays. They’re not fussed in the slightest if no-one remembers or does stuff with them.

Not everyone wants the marching band & Cleopatra entrance on these so-called special days.